A Candid Reflection on Stupid Little Things That Spark Romance

Nice title huh? My name is Russ. I blog over at RussHutto.com. I’ve been a blog friend of Tam’s for quite a while now. She’s kind of like a big sister that’s away at college. We don’t talk all the time, but when we do, I always find myself inspired. So, here I am guest posting today. Let’s get to it.

I’m a man. A guy. A boy. A male. A dude. You know, the “opposite” sex. I look at life through a lens that is TOTALLY different than all you lovely ladies out there. Most of the time when it comes to life as it relates to living with my wife (the female, the girl, the woman, the lady, the gal of my life) I look at life under the influence of a…um…how do you say….other influence. There’s a part of me that does a lot of the thinking for me. Guys, you know what I’m talking about. And I guess some of you girls know from secondhand experience what I’m talking about as well. A lot of times us guys don’t think with our brains.

Anyways, Two weeks ago I decided to change myself. Not my clothes…I do that every day. But I decided to change my behaviors ever so slightly to see if my beautiful wife would notice.

Let me set this up: I’m not what you would call a romantic kind of person. Oh, sure I love to see my wife smile, and to make her happy, and I’ve always tried to put her first when it comes to our intimate moments, but if you asked my wife where I fall on the “romance” scale she’d probably say somewhere between a Viking who has been out to sea and pillaging for 7 months and a biker prison inmate who got out on good behavior after 15 years of his 25 year sentence.

I’m one of those guys who has already “won” his wife’s affections. Why should I go above and beyond to do anything these days? We ALREADY dated, right? Why should I continue now?

You get the picture? I’m a nice guy, really. But I take my wife for granted. I do. Period.

So back to the changes. I decided to do small, little things to try and see if it made a difference in my “romance” factor. I’ll admit I began with selfish motives, but after these two weeks I’ve realized that the glow on her face each day for the WHOLE DAY is so much more worth the glow on my face the fifteen seconds after a good romp.

So here’s what I have been doing:

* Washing the dishes. Yeah, I know. How lame is that? Well, it’s not
lame at all. As much as I hate doing them. My primary focus is on
knowing that she’ll be so happy and relieved that she doesn’t have
to do them at all. It seems like a stupid insignificant thing, but
it’s not. It might only take her an extra 20 minutes to wash
dishes, but for my wife 20 minutes on top of a full day’s work is
A LOT. The fact that she knows I’m taking care of that little
thing is HUGE! I can see her smile now.
* Cooking. I’ve actually always enjoyed cooking. I actually cook
better than she does. But again, when she’s been gone from the
house from 7:30 am to 5:30 pm and comes home to an already cooked
meal, she really lights up.
* Budgeting Together. I’ll admit it, I hate math. I hate budgeting.
I hate the stress that comes with going over all our numbers. But
I eventually realized that it is totally a failure on my part as a
husband to let her take that burden by herself. I’m not saying
that one of the two can’t be more on top of things, but at the
very least we both should be aware of where our money is going
each month and voice input as to where it gets allocated. She
loves that I’ve gotten all hi-tech and digital with our budget. I
guess I love it, too. I found a way to make it appealing to me and
now we’re both EXCITED about our budget parties each week.
* Coupon clipping. Yes, you heard me right. I started coupon
clipping. I’m doing all these little things that I used to think
were stupid. But hey, my intention is to please my wife. Notice
that not one of these has anything to do with physical pleasure?
Last week we saved almost $40 on our grocery bill because I
planned ahead with store deals and coupons. Word.
* Shopping. I. Go. With. Her. It was like a fun, date night the
other night when we went shopping and ran all over the store
tracking down our deals and coupon buys! Like a game! Try it sometime!
* Morning back rubs. This goes against every fiber of my being. I am
so NOT a back rub giver. But I’ve decided to give her a back rub
every morning before she goes to work. Sure there will be times
when it doesn’t happen, but every time it does she says her whole
day is just….better. I don’t expect anything in return. And I
can see her just smiling knowing that I care enough to wake up
early to start her day with a little TLC. This does not end in
sex. I wish it would, but that’s not why I do it.

So, there’s all my little changes. My wife told me last night that I was the sweetest that I’d ever been. She noticed. She knows I’m not a touchy, feely kind of guy. And I KNOW IT. But after over three years of a good, but “unromantic” marriage, I’m beginning to see it’s the stupid little things that make romance happen. It’s not the expensive trips or pricey date nights. It’s not sex. It’s not even candles and lingerie. Romance is beginning to become real to me. It’s something I want. Something to strive for.

And the cool thing about it (from a guy’s perspective) is that it CAN BE task oriented.

I make a list of things I want to surprise her with this week or things I’m going to do to SHOW her that I love her other than the horizontal mambo. And I can feel a great sense of accomplishment as I make it through my list each week. I call it my stupid romance list. Don’t tell her though!