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Help My Unbelief

September 15, 2007

I don’t like to write long posts. I just never want to bore you with my rambling, unending thoughts. You have a day too! But I’m afraid this one may be longer than usual…this is your warning 😉

I’ll get right to it. I don’t believe! I believe the earth is round. I believe my natural hair color is very ugly, dark, lifeless brown. I believe I am married. I believe I have children. I believe I have Lupus. I believe in God. But I don’t believe He will heal me. Do I want Him to heal me? YES! Do I think He will – I guess I don’t.

One of my best friends brought this to my full attention last night at church. You all know her as Gods Gal. We’ve been friends for several years. I was drawn to her immediately. She has an infectious personality. She is blunt and very honest. I love that! I gravitate to that.

She asked me last night, out of the blue I might add, “Tam, why don’t you believe God will heal you?” I kind of laughed it off, “I do Deb! Why do you think I don’t believe that?” She said because every time she has prayed with me for healing she has always gotten this vibe from me that I don’t believe – I’m not ready. My uncomfortable laughter turned into instant tears. She’s right! Then her husband mentioned to me that he heard me say something earlier where I had referred to the disease as “my lupus”. He asked, “Why are you taking ownership of it?” “It’s not yours, stop claiming it.” OK – double ouch from a double duo!

God’s Gal challenged me to search out what is holding me back. When that is discovered, I’ll be ready, I’ll know. She said when I am, to let her know! Within minutes God began speaking to me…or I began hearing Him. He gave me Mark 9: 23-24. This is the story of the man with the possessed little boy whom he wanted Jesus to heal. The father of the boy said to Jesus…”Have mercy on us and help us, if you can.” To which Jesus replied, “What do you mean, “IF I CAN?” “Anything is possible if a person believes.” And the father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief.”

That is where I am friends. Ugh – can I just say here this isn’t easy for me. This is very difficult for me to confess to you all. But I just feel I needed to share this as a part of my acknowledgment of this truth.

So as I pondered this revelation last night a couple things came to my mind. First off was a recognition of distorted thinking I have held onto from my childhood. As a child I was abused, in many ways. I remember thinking as a little girl when the bad man was hurting me, I know some other daughter has it a lot worse than me. I don’t know why I thought that – but as disturbing a thought that was, it brought me comfort and justification I guess. I have brought that into my adult life. Although there is truth to that, it is a reality, many other’s have it worse. But because I know people around me are dying of cancer I don’t feel worthy to be healed of Lupus. It just seems unfair.

Second, is God can heal me now or I will be healed in Heaven, eternally. God isn’t as much concerned with our comfort as He is with our character. So I ask Him and myself, what am I missing? Am I here so He can strengthen my character? I have learned a lot in this journey. This disease has taught me much about compassion. Compassion for those enduring daily pain. It breaks my heart. Is this all to get me to a place of admitting I don’t believe? Have I ever really believed in the BIG things at all? Have I seen people healed miraculously? Yes! Do I believe I can be healed? Yes! Do I believe I will be healed? I don’t know…

So where does this leave me? Seeking. Searching. Confessing. Crying out. Humbled.

I would love to hear from any of you. Any stories of healing. Unbelief.

I don’t want to hear that it’s OK. Because I acknowledge that my unbelief is not OK. It is only holding me back. More importantly it is robbing my God of His glory!

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30 Comments leave one →
  1. September 15, 2007 11:35 am

    [after a quick perusal of this post]
    ”Am I here so He can strengthen my character?”
    Yes.
    it is ok that you feel disbelief.
    Im so sorry about your previous abuse. Your comment in italics says it all.
    you think those thoughts to self-protect and its not wrong.
    while your friends comments were appropriate and probably what you needed to hear, I have a hard time with the notion that God wants us all healed. and that our faith/belief depends upon that healing.
    Gods ways are not our ways and we cannot ever know what He wants for us, except for what we can try to interpret from his Word.
    But our life experiences color the way we look at life and scripture.
    this might all be to get you to a place in submitting to His will. What God wants is obedience.
    {Kevin and I are having a discussion on that over at my site}
    im sure in the beginning of this disease you prayed you would be healed and you do believe God can heal(you).
    There is a danger that some go over the line when ‘claiming’ their blessings or cursing from God.
    The line sometimes falls to a ‘works salvation’ mode, meaning what we do changes/affects/ what God does, what God has already done in a persons life, that we are the ones in control not God.
    It is your lupus, God gave it to you, has chosen not to take it from you {so far} and you, {if you are not healed from it} must live in such a way to glorify God in your affliction.
    As many people as were healed by God in the bible, are just as many who were not healed by God, and each one chose to live a different way in regards to the answer God gave them.
    Maybe as you pray for healing also pray for answers of how He wants you to live if you are not healed.
    Which I am sure you have.
    i hope this doesn’t sound negative because its not. We all go thru the unknowns (sickness, deaths, suffering) of being a child of God and while thru it all we trust in Him, we come out the other side stronger, more faithful, more ready to do His will and be with Him when the time comes.
    Sorry the comment is so long.. Have faith my friend, live your life joyfully unto the Lord.
    {yep, I know, easier said than done}
    I will be praying for your peace of mind!
    Kristina

  2. September 15, 2007 11:46 am

    I’m in a different position then you. My child has JRA (juvenile rheumatoid arthitis). She has suffered with it since she was 2 years old (now 11). I haven’t blogged about it because she reads my blog and I don’t want to burden her with the pain it has caused me to watch her struggle. But God has opened many doors for us by bringing key people into our lives to help. This disease made my husband and I grew up very quickly. And for her I’ve noticed it has given her a heart willing to help others and eyes to see others who are hurting themselves.

    Jesus had hardships on earth and we can’t expect that we are going to live better than him. I personally believe God is more concerned about our attitude and reaction to her situations than the situation itself.

    I have no clue if any of that made sense but I wanted to let you know that my little girl suffers with a disease that will never go away. It is hard to explain to her why she has it.

    Anyway, God Bless!
    ~Amy

  3. September 15, 2007 12:20 pm

    I am sorry to hear that you are going through so much pain and suffering.

    If your disease has been with you for some time I think it would be hard not to question whether God will help through this.

    Doubt in a belief will of course weaken that belief. The question to me is why do you doubt this belief? Has God failed you in the past? You have faced hardships in the past. Did God help you through?

    I have a cousin who is a member of the Christian Science Religion. She became very sick and was in pain for several months. She prayed to God and did get better. She says it was God’s help that cured her.

    My Uncle developed cancer. I can say the visits from his priest did more to relive his pain than all the medication his doctor’s gave him.

    Think back to before you found God. Did you think that someday you have a loving husband and children as you do now? When you look at your children do you see the hand of God in the miracle that brought them to you?

    Us mere mortals can’t know what the future will bring. We have two choices when faced with a problem. We either give up or we persevere. Persevering means pain and suffering. There is no way around it. Giving up is worse.

    As an atheist I have no answers for you. I can say you showed great courage in confessing to the world that you doubt the healing ability of God. You have shown courage in overcoming the hardships of the past. I don’t think that someone who has shown the courage to get through the hardships you faced in the past is someone who will give up now.

  4. lazrus2 permalink
    September 15, 2007 12:33 pm

    I agree with the first two comments here (the only posted that I’ve read so far)except maybe Amy’s last paragraph that the “disease will never go away.” I’m sure though she would say God can heal it, and will all diseases in His heavenly kingdom.
    I might add one thing though in regard to ‘unbelief’ from a personal point of view. I don’t struggle with it much in relation to ‘uncontrollable’ circumstances (i.e. disease, catastrophes, death, etc.) since God can choose to heal, deliver, or even resurrect. The thing I struggle with most is pain caused by people’s choices (affecting themselves or others) that God will not override. He could, but has a greater purpose in allowing the suffering caused to change people’s hearts. I just don’t know if He will, at some point, finally give up to let people reap the consequences they’ve sown. He definitely will at the final judgment, but it’s hard for me to believe sometimes that we will ever willfully choose to cooperate with what He’s allowing and see the ‘turn around’ that He desires. Whether we are a Pharoah or a Saul of Tarsus (or under their oppression) I just have to believe God will have His way in/through all who choose to cooperate with Him via self-examination, repentance and confession to see if we are truly ‘in the faith’ (2 Cor. 13:5)and right with Him (Ps.32). Even Job who was considered ‘righteous’ still had a lot to learn through his suffering about his own sin in contrast to God’s holiness.
    ‘Maybe I got a little off your original subject, but this is the ‘pain’ I often need ‘help with my unbelief’ over. Hopefully God can give us more compassion for people in that same position through enduring it as well.
    D-

  5. September 15, 2007 12:40 pm

    God does not ever fail us…the deal is what we want from HIM, and does HE see it in our best interest. Or does HE have a reason for it to benefit the Kingdom. I pray for my unbelief every day, I am sure everyone has some, or they have it all figured out and are now on their way home to heaven. 🙂 I think you believe that God will heal you if that is what HIS plan is…I also will pray for you in this area. I have a friend with Lupus, and I believe that God does what is best..my friend is a picture to me of what is possible. She is a great encouragement to me, as are you. I think you are wise in allowing God be God, and my thinking on the lupus is you can manage it or let it own you. I don’t see you as the latter. I have thought lots on healing as i have needed lots…some answers came with a yes, and others came with “share me to those who connect to you because of your pain”. It is a good prayers for everyone to pray for help in the unbelief! Love you! You are totally beautiful inside and out!

  6. September 15, 2007 1:34 pm

    Wow – so far I am blown away. And my thoughts seem to be even more jumbled – but in a good way – I am thinking so much right now.

    I don’t feel I have to work or earn healing. I believe healing is an act of grace and Gods power and love. I do not believe that when He chooses not to heal it is considered a lack of grace, power or His love. Nor do I believe that is always a lack of belief for the believer. It may very well be part of His plan to show His glory and to do something in us that otherwise could not be completed. I hope that makes sense?

    I have gained new eyes for the hurting through this. And I must say, I needed new eyes desperately! I am a very critical person by nature. A “come on already” type of person. This has begun to soften those rough edges.

    Ed, belief for a Christian is so much more than just believing with our brains. It is spiritual – it is beyond something we can explain. It really falls into faith. Something like healing is so far beyond something my feeble little mind can wrap around that if I, in the flesh with my brain, think about it too much I begin to doubt. But I DO believe I serve and follow a very capable God. I do not doubt His ability to heal – it’s when i think of the why’s and the how’s and even the why not’s. God has never failed me – but I have failed to believe at times that He will deliver. But never believing that He can’t. Ed, you ask such great questions! I do see the hand of God in everything – even in my affliction. This may very well be where He wants me…for now…

    I see what you’re saying D – but I see suffering from physical pain, such as a disease, and “suffering” from someone else saying or doing something hurtful (like not seeing things your way or ones perception of what another should be in their eyes) totally different. I didn’t have a choice when I got lupus – but I have a choice to not allow someone else to have that much power over me. So I believe if someone is dealing with that kind of pain suffered by the hands of another, like in my life as a child, it is more of a decision to choose to live beyond the choices of others and not be a victim.

    I believe God will heal me, like Darla said, IF that is in His plan. Like Krilinatin said some were healed int he bible and some were not..God had a purpose in it all. The question I’m asking right now – is where do i fit in in the grand scheme of things?

    Your comments are amazing friends! Thank you! Thank you!!! Please keep the wisdom and thoughts coming!

  7. September 15, 2007 2:49 pm

    Below is a link to article by a Christian woman with lupus. I hope this may be of some help to you.

    http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/1998/mayjun/8w3034.html

    Some paragraphs from the article:

    “Twelve years ago, I was a forty-five-year-old mother of two, fulfilled and happy in my second marriage. But when some vague physical complaints began to escalate, I could no longer ignore the fact that something was definitely wrong with me. I’d wake in the morning with stiff, achy hands and arms. While the stiffness wore off within a half hour, by midmorning I was ready to go back to sleep. In the late afternoons, I got flushed and feverish. Even simple tasks such as loading the washing machine became increasingly difficult. With the help of various pain remedies, I worked through my aches and pains to do the things I enjoyed, such as cooking and sewing. But being out in the sun seemed to make my symptoms worse, so I had to give up gardening.”

    “Although I’d given my heart to Christ in 1976, ending a life of rebellion and pride, suddenly I had doubts about my faith. If I’m really a Christian, I thought, why am I suffering like this? Is God punishing me for past sins? Hasn’t he heard my fervent prayers for healing? My questions wouldn’t go away.”

    “The rheumatologist went through my clinical symptoms carefully, then told me that the results of the antinuclear antibody test (ana) were unmistakable—positive for systemic lupus erythematosus.”

    “Over the next four years I struggled through allergic reactions to all the medications prescribed for me.”

    “My symptoms worsened. By early 1989, I had to quit my job at the drapery store. ”

    “Through a program of proper medication, massage therapy (for the muscle pain), and careful diet planning (for nutritional support), I’ve begun to enjoy life in a whole new way.

    “While God hasn’t chosen to heal me completely, I now have a positive, grateful outlook on life. I’m more in control of my appearance and emotions, and God’s provided me with a unique ministry to others who are also victims of autoimmune disease.”

    “The most important lesson I’ve learned through my experience is that this disease isn’t God’s punishment for my past sins. In Jesus Christ, all my sins have been forgiven. Lupus is a side effect of living in a fallen world; my responsibility is to use my circumstances to glorify God. And I know he’s given me a ministry to others who are similarly afflicted.”

  8. September 15, 2007 3:00 pm

    Ed – you bless me! Thank you for researching this and bringing it to me here. It means so much. I really don’t know what to say…

  9. September 15, 2007 3:06 pm

    my first man in my life my oldest father, killed himself when I was 6 months pregnant..angry with God is an understatement at the time…I will never understand, but HE did heal me after 20 years…pain and destruction is something I know..I would have rather died through some of those years than anything else..HE would not let me..literally. I guess what I am trying to say is somethings we can’t see while we are in them..and the real struggle is believing that whatever HE does is for the greater picture, of which I am just a very small part..but still a part.

    My daughter (the same one whose daddy died) was diagnosed 3 years ago with cervical cancer..struggle-pain..reliving the pain that I would lose the only thing I had left from her daddy…Jesus healed her, but as I just commented in GG’s BLT’s it requires laying in HIS hands and believing that HE is good. Father, help our unbelief! I believe HE honors that prayer, and it is always in HIS will.

    Love ya Tam! I am going to pray so much for you my sweet sister. You are precious!

  10. September 15, 2007 3:22 pm

    I am all tears right now…Darla, what you have shared here…wow. You didn’t have to reveal all of this – but it shows one very important thing – how much our afflictions and trials can minister to others…it’s not about us – it’s about others…

    I am so sorry for all that you have gone through – but I know it has been purposeful as well.

    And Amy above – thank you too for sharing about your daughter. How is she with all of this?

  11. September 15, 2007 3:48 pm

    I do outreach with women and girls who understand loss, and hurt in abuses, and angry with God…they hear me because I have been there…I believe with all my heart that God is good, and HE loves us unconditionally, and HE will never leave us…sometimes we leave HIM. I know that nothing is too hard for my God, I also know that HE will not tolerate anyone or anything being loved more than HIM. HE certainly gets my attention..I will stop being a blog hog now 😉

  12. September 15, 2007 4:04 pm

    Hog all you want Princess 😉

  13. September 15, 2007 4:44 pm

    LOL you are way too cool for the blog academy!

  14. September 15, 2007 5:08 pm

    tam:
    can i be honest here in the anonymous world of blogging?
    i found out last week that my brother’s wife has bone cancer… she’s 25 years old.
    i can barely bring myself to pray for her….. my thought is, if God didn’t want her to have it, then she wouldn’t have it!
    sigh……… i haven’t blogged about it bc i just don’t even have words for the devastation i feel. my brother is heartbroken – my family is heartbroken. and i’m in massachusetts – 1,000 miles from Georgia. i can’t do anything but pray.
    yes. help my unbelief.
    thank you for being so honest.
    love,
    mandy

  15. godsgalchild permalink
    September 15, 2007 5:10 pm

    My sweet sister….I ran home once we got set up for tonight, cause I needed to hear your heart. I am SO blessed to be a part of your healing. I believe God is wanting to do this thing in you, here, now, and soon. That is my prayer, my hope & belief. The reason I say that is because, when He went to the cross, it was not just for sin. That’s what He’s been teaching Jer & I, yes, He dies once for all that He could pave the way, but not just sin. I don’t have time right now to dig in His word and give you scripture reference, but I will. He took illnes, mental & physical, He took emotion, He took addiction, He took everything about us and removed the bad, redeemed the good. He took us to the cross with Him…..You’ve already been healed, He had you on His mind, the Lupus, the abuse, everything to this point was nailed to that cross. The reason Jer & I have been so freed up in our walk the last few months, is because we began confessing and believing His promises for ourselves, as individuals and as a couple. It’s not His will that we walk with illness, financial difficulties, and burdens. There is a scripture, I believe in Matthew, I’ll find for you that states, whatever we bind in heaven, will be bound in earth, whatever we loose in Heaven will be loosed on earth. It is very specific about US being the ones, not Him….so when we read that we began to pray with the authority that Christ has allowed us to have as believers, and well, you see what’s happening for us. Not because we have done anything different except believe what is in His word….I believe it and claim it for you. The Lord put that on my heart which has started a whole string of events, and I praise Him for all of the people this is reaching, through you. If it had been something that I dreamed up, it would never have the impact for the Kingdom that it is now. That being said, tell Him you believe, “Help my unbelief”….if he uses me as His instrument, I’ll praise Him, I’ll fall on my face and praise Him….you will be healed, Gods word never falls away void…it will come to you full circle and MANY will be blessed. I can’t wait!!!! Love you!

  16. September 15, 2007 5:44 pm

    I totally have some thoughts out of my own unbelief. I have to go do a couple of things before i can type it out. 🙂 you are not alone friend. i do have a story about a work God has been doing in my heart over that. thank you for your sweet comment on my blog. seriously!

  17. Amy permalink
    September 15, 2007 7:27 pm

    Wow. It sounds as though you have been hit right between the eyebrows with something that you can’t ignore. What a humbling revelation, and how humbling to know that you and I are not alone in our doubts about God’s healing in our lives.

    Last week I read in 2 Corinthians where Paul talks about praying for healing three times and still God did not take away his thorn. Why? Because it kept him focused on the Lord? I don’t know. My thinking is that God wants his people to be whole. Why not heal? Why not have a person’s mind, soul, and body completely renewed so that he or she could give everything for God’s glory?

    A few years ago I was practicing the guitar. I had a pinky finger on my left hand that had been dislocated during basketball season my freshman year. It was a little crooked and ached a lot when I applied any pressure to it. I was struggling with a chord because my pinky finger would not function correctly. Jeff stopped what he was doing and came over to me and prayed healing for my finger. My finger stopped hurting, and I am able to put pressure down on a guitar string if I need to. He was faithful to stop what he was doing because God put it upon his heart to pray for my finger. I gratefully accepted it.

    I’ve been prayed for a few times in the recent months for healing of my body. Why hasn’t it changed? Why am I where I was four months ago? I don’t know. I want to pray expectantly. I must pray for the faith to believe that God will restore my body. I know that I must surround myself with positive talk about healing, not discouraging words that breed disbelief, otherwise I’m like that man that James talks about in the first chapter of his book. My disbelief leaves me blown and tossed by the wind, and I’m no longer centered on Christ.

    I will be committed to praying with you about this, if that’s okay. It is a huge deal, but an incredible journey of faith. Just think how awesome God is, and what an amazing testimony you will have to share once you are restored.

  18. heidi permalink
    September 15, 2007 8:35 pm

    Tam,
    You are healed.. You just have to let GO of the reins. Let go and be refreshed in His living waters.
    He’s behind the scenes working trust me.
    I have been healed of rape, suicide, and abuse from my mom and STUTTERING. You can be healed. God is waiting for you…
    Love Heidi

  19. September 15, 2007 9:18 pm

    Sweet sister, I have wrestled with some of these same things. When I had my first MS attack 6 years ago, I had SO many people praying for me, for my healing. It was amazing. When my symptoms went away, a lot of people thought God had healed me. I knew that wasn’t necessarily the case, that MS is relapsing-remitting by nature (if that’s what I really had). And sure enough, this April, it came back.

    For me I find the challenge is in being able to say–and mean–“Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him,” the whole idea that He is capable of doing ANYTHING, and yet whatever He chooses to do, I trust Him.

    I think it was Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego (or am I mixing up my stories?) who said something along the lines of, “We know God CAN rescue us, but even if He doesn’t, we still trust Him and know He’s good!” Same principle holds true, I think, for those of us hoping for deliverance from anything, sickness or anything else. I know God has used my MS in many ways; He changed me immeasurably as a result of that first “possible MS” attack six years ago. I do still hope He heals me, and I pray for that, but He’s always working in my heart and life to make sure I trust Him no matter what He decides to do.

    Sorry, I ended up totally rambling! Hopefully something somewhere in there made sense. 🙂
    Love you and I’m praying for you!

  20. godsgalchild permalink
    September 15, 2007 10:04 pm

    Lives are changing, God’s hand is moving….I’m so proud of you! This, above, is the purpose of your thorn……it will be gone soon love…

  21. September 16, 2007 6:18 am

    Tam,

    Hey girlie:) I am sitting here writing you before church; and if you first read this, say a prayer, I have been feeling icky since last night…

    anyway, enough about me..

    I can’t help but tell you how many times I have thought the same way you have; where do you think my blog title came from…God doesn’t expect us to believe all the way around, He knows that is hard for us, He just wants us to take little steps in believing Him. ” If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can move mountains.” can’t type where that is, in mid-thought..anyway, don’t concentrate on so much not believing, concentrate on what you have believed He has helped you overcome in your life.

    I look at it this way, as children when we couldn’t do something right we would think we just couldn’ do it, that we were dumb, and everyone was smarter…

    but we are children of God my dear, and all things are possible, and we aren’t the same children that didn’t believe nothing good could come from us…
    JESUS did!

    I have prayed for my momma to be healed since I was a young girl, and there have been times I have gotten angry, but He would always remind me that He sees a much bigger picture than I do, and I just need to trust Him.

    I encourage you to get that book I am reading, ” Sister Freaks” because while it does talk about having a servant’s heart, it also says how much faith each of those girls had to accomplish His plan.

    Girl, just believe, there is no point of measure here, rememeber that:)

    I love you dearly siesta.

    Ang

  22. September 16, 2007 6:20 am

    and praise God for the God’s gal, how I dear she is to me as well.

    It is amazing the woman of faith she is becoming…

    🙂

  23. September 16, 2007 1:20 pm

    When i saw these verses this morning it made me think of you
    16 That is why it depends on faith, in order that the promise may rest on grace and be guaranteed to all his offspring—not only to the adherent of the law but also to the one who shares the faith of Abraham, who is the father of us all, 17 as it is written, “I have made you the father of many nations”—in the presence of the God in whom he believed, who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist. 18 In hope he believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, “So shall your offspring be.” 19 He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah’s womb. 20 No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, 21 fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. 22 That is why his faith was “counted to him as righteousness.” 23 But the words “it was counted to him” were not written for his sake alone, 24 but for ours also. It will be counted to us who believe in him who raised from the dead Jesus our Lord, 25 who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification.

  24. lazrus2 permalink
    September 16, 2007 6:26 pm

    ‘Just another thought to add to the ‘mix’:
    Has anyone ever heard of Joni Eareckson Tada? I dare say that if she had been ‘healed’, few would have over a short period of time verses thousands now over the past 30+ years since her paralyzing ‘accident’. If you read her writings, you’ll find that though her life is far from ‘easy’ still, she thanks God for her wheelchair that provided hope for people He would never have touched through her otherwise. It is HIS choice, and we must believe (despite doubts) He knows what is best for us and others through us because of our response/submission to His will.
    D-

  25. September 16, 2007 6:48 pm

    I have anxiety. Bad. To the point of panic disorder. Bad! I will be driving and feel lost and suddenly I freak out, I get hot flashed, feel I am going to pass out and get extremely sick to my stomach. This has gone on for about 6 years now. At one point it had taken over my life so much I probably should have been admitted to a hospital.

    Going on….

    I kept referring to it as “MY anxiety”. And honestky God started convicting me when I would say that. Cause really…..its NOT mine. The more I claimed it teh more it stayed. I no longer claim it. I do have days where it tries to creep back up but no longer successfully stays. It leaves as quickly as it started. I truly believe God healed me from that just over a year ago.

    I never did understand why I had to go through it. But, sometimes I believe it was to refine me, my trust, my faith. It worked =) Hopefully God never allows such a tactic to get my attention, but regardless…..it worked. My friend has Chromes and I am not sure why she has to suffer from that. I do pray for healing for people but maybe sometimes I wonder if He really will.

  26. godsgalchild permalink
    September 16, 2007 7:39 pm

    Hi Lazrus2: I have heard and enjoyed JET, and agree with you that sometimes that is God’s choice to use people to that capacity. I also believe that regardless of physical problems or not, we will be ministering to others as long as we are in sinc with His spirit and listening to His will for our lives. Even with no physical ailment, the Christian life is far from easy. I stand tho on what the Lord has shown me about Tam, her ministring to others will come through the process of her healing, and I believe she will be healed of her Lupus. I’m praying that and believing that for her, when and how is His alone to decide, but while JET ministry is powerful in the wheelchair, I believe this to be extremely powerful and important as well, and will reach countless people through the giving of testimony. I am blessed beyond belief to watch from the side lines and support her with prayer and belief. For me, there is no room for doubt.

  27. Cheryl permalink
    September 17, 2007 12:29 am

    Hmm..interesting discussion here, coming from a denomination that believes in Jesus, Saviour Sanctifier, Healer and Coming King…the healing aspect has always been a source of tension. I have seen God heal some and not others for various reasons. Some reasons have not been revealed to us this side of Heaven. I’ve always encouraged people to go forward for healing but when it came to myself, I never thought I had an ailment serious enough to go for prayer. It also meant being vulnerable enough to allow people to pray for me. It meant trusting those who were laying their hands (James 5:14-16) on me to pray for my healing also believed that I would be healed. Losing our first baby was enough to drive me to not only my knees but to him.

    I have seen healing in my life in so many ways mostly in the gifts of my children.I had to remember that there is no account in the Gospels of Jesus turning anyone away when it came to healing. He wants us to come to him. It was a part of his atoning work, to bring us together with him.. God does not exist to fulfill our demands or requests, but rather we need to discern God’s will and pray according to what we believe that He wants to do (1 John 5:14-15). Did that mean instantaneous healing for me? No…but I believe it was indeed a gradual thing done to glorify Him. For me it was a question of was I going to put my trust in Jehovah-Rophe, The Lord Who Heals. The question I put to you is “Do you trust Him enough to let Him take on “your Lupus”?

  28. melmash permalink
    September 17, 2007 11:56 am

    Tammy,

    WOW…what a beautiful way to sahre God’s grace…He may not have healed you, and He may never heal you, but through your honesty, openness, and transparency others are drawn to Him through you. That, my friend, is being available to be a “Vessel God Can Use”.

    Two years ago my son, Nick…who is now 13, woke up in the morning before school having grand mal seizures. He was a typical boy, never been hurt, sick, or broken a bone a day in his life. This was not something that was a part of our lives before that morning…we had him airlifted to the Children’s Hospital…where he spent 51 days in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit…he almost died 3 times, and probably shouldn’t be alive…if not by the grace of God…there were so many times during those 51 days where, as a Pastor…I believed in God, but I had so much unbelief that all would be well…I struggled, I fought, I cried, and I threw myself at the Lord’s feet on behalf of my son…

    So, dear sister…I know the struggle with unbelief…but I also know the grace and mercy of a loving Father who wants us all to shine for Him through it all.

    My son Nick is doing better…he is in 8th grade now, he is healthy, happy, and thriving. He has diabetes now, as a result of his trauma…but you know what…that’s so small a thing to deal with when you come that close to loosing your child.

    Keep your head up and keep living for HIM…

    Much Love and Prayers,
    Melissa
    😉

  29. September 17, 2007 7:51 pm

    I think God does what He does and we scratch and dig looking for some meaning or purpose in it because that makes suffering more palatable. About all we can do is be faithful day to day. I don’t have Lupus so easy for me to say. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It must just suck. Plain and simple. At times like this, I have prayed for God to “throw me a bone”. Mercy. Just let me have a glimpse of the plan to set my mind a little at ease. That’s my version of the phrase “help my unbelief”. Its such a profound conceptt. Hold fast girl!

  30. September 22, 2007 7:34 pm

    I am just reading this, and whoa it’s a lot to think about. I think *for me* that I do believe that God can always~I just don’t always believe He will. Does that make sense? I always wanna believe there’s a purpose I can’t see that is of benefit~but to a fault. (((((HUGS))))) sandi

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