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From the bus to ice cream…

September 26, 2007

Looking out the window down the long driveway I see the Big Yellow School Bus. Off steps the most adorable, almost, 11 year old boy. He looks both ways, crosses the busy street and begins the long hike with heavy back-pack in tow up the steep drive-way. On his journey he stops to pet the horses who have wandered over in hopes the little guy has a carrot for them. Slowly, he backs away, when I realize he hasn’t lifted his little head since he stepped off the bus. With his precious face staring at the ground, hands in pockets, kicking rocks, he looks up for a moment and pauses. It then becomes clear to me – his heart is broken.

I go to the door to greet him as he walks in. He is not cheerful. He is not smiling. He is kind – but he is tender, he is fragile. I hug him tightly and ask, “How are you little guy?” “Fine“, he says and starts to walk away. “Are you sure?” I respond. “Well…well…Mom, I’m never gonna see her again.” I see the tears begin to build and the muscles in his face tighten to prevent any of them from falling down his cheeks. “You wanna talk about it Kota?” I ask. “I guess so.

Sitting on his bed I pray, to myself, for the right words, if any, to say. His eyes still brimming with the tears he has fought so hard to contain “What happened today Kota?” One tear finds its way out and falls onto the pillow he’s squeezing tightly onto. He softly and slowly responds, “She doesn’t wanta sit with me on the bus Mom. That is the only time I can see her until we both get into Jr. High. I’m never gonna see her again.” He finally looks up to say, “It hurts Mom.” I had no words, just open arms, to which he fell hard into letting the tears fall freely from his brave little eyes.

As I hold my little boy my mind starts to drift back to my first love – then quickly to my first broken heart – when something steals my attention. What is that stench, I wonder to myself, while son sobs on shoulder. It’s gonna be alright little guy, I say, wiping the tears from his grief-stricken little face. Whoa, what in the world is that smell, I ask myself again. He wraps his arms around my neck and…OH MY WORD! it is my heart broken prepubescent little boy! Flashing back 3 minutes I hear him in my head say, “She doesn’t wanta sit with me on the bus Mom“. Of course! Who would?

Being the quick thinker I am, I jump up and say, “Hey, ya wanna go to Sonic? Take a ride for a bit“Okay…” We quickly dry the tears, gather all composure and head for the door. Being the young gentlemen he is, he opens the door and holds it for me to which I immediately respond by asking, “Who wouldn’t want to sit by such a nice guy?“….”OH, and honey, before we go you wanna run and put some deodorant on?” “Sure mom!

Puberty, hormones and broken hearts.

Do you remember those days?

Do you remember your first broken heart?

26 Comments leave one →
  1. September 26, 2007 9:45 pm

    wow, great story.
    “Of course! Who would?”
    I’m sorry but I am crackin’ up at your son’s pain.

    Kota, don’t be too mad at your mom. I remember the days I was in your shoes.

  2. September 26, 2007 10:35 pm

    Don’t be sorry – I’m still laughing too! And no way is Kota gonna read this! I totally get the “bad mommy” award huh?

  3. September 26, 2007 10:49 pm

    you are so funny!
    It is so hard being a mom sometimes when you wish your kids did not have to hurt or go through heart break! I am sitting here thinking about how i know morgans mothers day out teacher does not like her and how i dont want to take her tomorrow. the tenderness of God is in these kids. yes we are sinful…but the Lord just loves children. hopefully he can splash on some cologne and deo and things will be back to normal. what a sweet heart!!

  4. godsgalchild permalink
    September 27, 2007 4:12 am

    Puberty? Is that something I’ll go through some day or has it already happened….hmmmm

    Yes, many stories with the boys, one of my favorites were the “bumps”, “down there” that made Steve think he had leprosy….sigh…he won’t read this either..

  5. heidi permalink
    September 27, 2007 5:51 am

    I have a Kota too, although he’s 14. But man does Axe mean anything to you Elijah?

    I remember my first heartbreak. His name was Ole Kjaer, he was an exchange student at my High school Tigard high. We were madly in love at 13. He had the eyes that just popped. Man just thinking about it puts me into another world. I’m 40 now, and have been married 18 years, you think a crush would leave. But there was always something about him and his danish accent and his manly hands.
    Wouldn’t it be crazy now if he was bald????
    Tam.. thanks alot. Now, I’m going to be thinking of a bald dane the rest of the day!!! πŸ™‚

    Kota will be back in the saddle again.. Faster than you can say SONIC!!

  6. September 27, 2007 7:50 am

    OK, forget subtlety. If someone stinks then they need to be told, plus he’s male so hints don’t work, plus he’s nearly a teen so you have to shout for anything to get through that nearly teen shell. My eldest, Snarly, is 12 and for some reason thinks that greasy hair is OK. No Missy, go and wash your hair and put some spot cream and deodorant on. While you’re at it put the rest of your clothes on. You seem to have forgotten to get dressed this morning.

    She is never allowed to have a boyfriend.

    I remember my first love distinctly…..each time. I am so glad that I’m finished with that malarkey.

  7. September 27, 2007 9:06 am

    just tell me that you thought of me when you saw the yellow school bus! πŸ™‚

    Have an eleven year old boy…and if you get him some “axe’ he is totally cool then and will have to be told to slow down! LOL With you!

    Hover at 12 my daughter like dirty hair too, now at 15 I am asking to limit herself to one shower a day or at least shorter ones! Kids!! we got them, and wouldn’t trade them, but they are very funny, and never boring!

  8. September 27, 2007 9:23 am

    Oh my goodness! I laughed out loud when I read this. It is so true! Not quite a man, not quite a boy. It is so precious, and you were there to experience it. What a memory. Thanks for sharing.

    My heart stayed pretty intact until college, and then I almost got married. I’m still trying to figure out if my heart broke from not marrying the guy or if my heart broke from the weight of the negative stuff from the relationship.

    All I know is that the one to help pick up the broken pieces has known me since before I was born and continues to comfort, to guide, and to admonish me. What a blessing to know Jesus, and to have a Heavenly Father that loves me enough to send down the Holy Spirit.

  9. September 27, 2007 10:09 am

    Awww…poor fella! That is too funny about his body odor. It’s a tough road at that age. I can imagine what he’s going through.
    My first broken heart was caused by Jeff Justice, in the 6th grade. He liked me one day and turned his affections to another after only a short time. He was soooo cute, and I was so heart broken! I stormed in my house, after getting off the bus. Don’t my mom…”I don’t want to talk about it!” … proceeded to sit in my walk in closet for 30 minutes crying. After 30 minutes, I decided that all he was worth crying over…picked myself up and walked out with determination. No boy would make me cry again! I was fine after that. My mom still laughs at me over that story…she says that I just had to get it out of my system…and then I WAS OVER IT!
    I hope your little boy can get over his first love soon too!

    By the way…just read on your profile you’re writing a book. That’s another thing we have in common!

  10. September 27, 2007 10:10 am

    typo….up there…sorry…
    told my mom I didn’t want to talk about it —
    Don’t know why I typed, “Don’t my mom”…meant ‘told my mom’.
    Obviously another case of fingers going faster than brain! It’s common among us who have all this information to get out faster than our fingers can type!

  11. September 27, 2007 10:36 am

    “Do you remember your first broken heart?”

    I sure do. But I remember breaking a lot of hearts too. Poor girls who fell for a guy like me, or should I say, a guy like I used to be.

  12. September 27, 2007 10:55 am

    Ha, I loved that story:) You are a natural writer girl:)
    I got your comment this morning, and then headed off to school, and there was not one but 2 amazing rainbows, and wished you could have seen it too:)

    Anyway, I am sure you saw your own rainbow today, in your son:)All the colors of Jesus, siesta:)

    What could be brighter?:)

    Be Blessed:)


  13. September 27, 2007 11:59 am

    There you go, making me cry again!
    Mine is 14, hubby doesn’t allow Axe in the house, it stinks worse than the pits. So he steals his dads deo. and just learned about the alluring power of cologne. {stetson}
    Since it makes his mom swoon, he has caught on that it could be a good thing. {luckliy, he doesn’t ever remember to put it on for school, so no girls have yet to smell on him}
    ahh, broken hearts, there will be so many, many more.
    i just want to ream every girl [person, for that matter] that hurts my ‘baby’
    Your boy sounds like he is sweet, tender hearted and kind.
    which will be a detriment until he is older and a sane woman realizes his full potential.
    All we can do is hold them, love them and encourage them. God will do the rest.
    My first broken heart? May he rest in peace! πŸ˜‰

  14. September 27, 2007 2:53 pm

    That’s a moving story – I know those days are coming with my sons – but I pray they delay as long as possible.

    My first broken heart was Allison in 5th grade – the cute girl with curly golden hair. She liked me but she didn’t like me – like me. I cried for a week. Then I wanted a girlfriend so bad I aksed every girl I knew to be my girlfriend via the check-box note… all no’s. Maybe that’s why I had such a fear of girls in high school.

  15. September 27, 2007 4:16 pm

    Tam I invited you to see this, please come:

  16. September 27, 2007 4:44 pm

    Thanks girl, you’re the best. Now go read the novel I wrote you LOL:)

  17. September 27, 2007 7:35 pm

    Jenny, Kota put on deo today – him and the “girl” had a much better day πŸ™‚

    GG, β€œbumps”, β€œdown there” Eeeeewwww!

    Heidi, if he is a baldy now would that help end the crush? NOT that bald is bad – Bald is beautiful!!! πŸ˜‰

    Hov, I have lost count of how many times we have told Kota to put on deo…he’s notorious for forgetting! He likes his own bodily aromas – gross!

    Darla, I always think of you when I see school buses! I wish you were my sons driver πŸ™‚

    Ames, your comment made me think of Britneys, “I’m not a girl” song – I’m gonna sing that to Kota tonight as I’m tucking him in – HAHAHAHAHA!!!

    bleesed1, amazing what 30 minutes in a walk in closet can do for you! That is so funny! Yes, I’m writing a book – have I emailed you yet about it?

    tt, nice to see you again! The guy you “used” to be…true to your blog name “totaltransformation”…right on!

    kristina, “may he rest in peace” that killed me girl!!! I soooo didn’t see that one coming! HA!

    d rho, “She liked me but she didn’t like me – like me.” Oh my word, hysterical! That is so elementary, totally took me back to the playground….AND freeze tag for some reason.

    ang, you rock!

  18. September 27, 2007 9:05 pm

    oh poor guy. you know praise the Lord we don’t have to relieve those awkward preteen years again.

  19. Bran permalink
    September 27, 2007 9:44 pm

    oh my word that is hilarious!!!!!

    I do have to say that I LOVE that he talks to you about this stuff! πŸ˜€

    Also, to answer your question: Josh.
    That’s all I have to say.
    I think you might remember. ;o)

    Miss your blogs!

  20. September 27, 2007 10:47 pm

    Girl, if I had to relive a moment of awkward first anythings I would commit a crime! We were just laughing at the thought earlier of me having a baby at my age with a 13 and 11 yr old…I almost had a panic attack. Don’t wanta relive my youth or have another “little youth” around…God love’em!

    Bran – hey girl! How are you??? Josh? Is that about Kaci?

  21. September 28, 2007 8:44 am

    Strangely today I have the same thing. As of today I have someone that I am never going to see again and it hurts soooo bad. Poor Kota. =( I know how he feels.

  22. September 28, 2007 9:12 am

    That is a great post.

  23. September 29, 2007 5:28 pm

    Kota must love it when you sing Britney to him. You must do a dance too.

  24. Mel P permalink
    October 2, 2007 11:02 am

    Hey Tam
    Man, to be young again…or not! Yikes! Kota’s story brings me back to my childhood days. It’s only God’s grace that He allows us to be so oblivious to the big picture. Thank you Jesus!
    I have a story to share: I was about 7 years old. I had just started school and was feeling pretty good about who I was. I also had discovered my first crush. But I was a more polished girl, more posh than the average 7 year old…(sarcasm). So, I aimed higher than most young girls do. I fell in love with a High School boy! Oh yes! Why waste my time on boys who thought that boogers and making fart sounds with their armpits made you cool? I wasn’t wasting my time!
    He was hansome and sweet, and he knew my name!!! Oh, it was true love. Our love developed slowly because I only saw him at church and on the occasional trip to the grocery store. He was a stockboy at our local Safeway. And Safeway is where our love story takes a terrible turn.
    I was very disappointed to not see him at church that day, but when mom said we had to stop and get groceries my little heart sored with joy. Oh what a great day!
    It felt like we had been shopping for hours. I looked up and down every isle. He wasn’t there. Sadly, I dropped my head and offered to push the cart. What else was there to do in this stupid store?
    Then, from out of no where, well actually, right behide me, someone had snuck up behind me and tickled my sides! Except, the most terrible thing immanginable happened! I FARTED!!! i turned around and it was HIM!!! NO!!! Quick! Think fast! “It was my shoe!” I was horrified. By then everyone was laughing including him! I was crushed. And I knew that our relationship was over forever.

  25. October 2, 2007 11:10 am

    Oh my word Mel P I am so sorry to have to tell you i am laughing hysterically! I’m sorry I had to say that – but it’s true! Oh this is good!

    Honestly everyone…who has done this? ME!!!

    Great story Mel P! You are brave to share that here πŸ˜‰

  26. October 2, 2007 8:36 pm

    Wow, 25 comments!
    No, I don’t think you get the “bad mommy” award.
    You blog shows how much you love your kids.

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