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October 11, 2007

Why tell my little girl about my abortions? I really don’t see any other option.

I look at it this way…If I had a piece of information that I knew could very well save my child’s life, would I withhold it from her? Of course not. That may sound extreme in terms of abortion. But if I am concerned with any life – then this certainly applies just fine. Although I do recall my 2nd abortion being quite dangerous. I don’t know what they did – but I was in very bad shape up until the radical hysterectomy I had to get in 2001 at the age of 30.

Back to my reasoning here. It is our responsibility as parents, role models, aunts, uncles to lead by example and protect our young ones, the next generation. I have a lot of street wisdom. I have a Masters in the School of Hard Knocks. And on the subject matters of pre-marital sex, promiscuity and abortions – I am the authority on those in our home! Oh, and drugs…I’m a peach!

There is a piece of my journey I am able to lay out before my children and say with conviction, “Trust me on this child, I have been there.” As far as my daughter goes…I would be doing her a disservice by not telling her. I pray she never chooses to get herself in a compromising situation that leaves her faced with a teenage, unwanted pregnancy. By me telling her about my own abortions – I could very well be rescuing her from the same horror. As well as she, now equipped with my story, can come up along side someone in her future in this same predicament and walk them through it, hopefully saving a life!

It would be irresponsible for me to sit on my little secrets instead of allowing others to learn from them. Especially my loved ones.

I want to challenge any of you who have a closet full of regrets and shame to really do some soul searching and praying. Have you worked through your secrets? Have you forgiven yourself?  Have you shared it with anyone else?

Why not?

15 Comments leave one →
  1. October 11, 2007 11:26 am


    Another reason you need to be the one to tell her is because guys get no credit when they talk about it. Just because you’re a guy your points are dismissed immediately. We need more women talking about this issue!! Especially women with experience in the subject. Thanks for your honesty!!!

  2. Cheryl permalink
    October 11, 2007 11:36 am

    You are one of my heroes!

  3. heatherblankenship permalink
    October 11, 2007 1:33 pm

    I love that you are honest with your daughter. I know personally that too few parents tell their kids the truth about their own past because of fear. I find that being transparent with the girls I work with, gives them the freedom to be honest too.

    Yes, I have personally dealt with my past “junk”. There is freedom in living in the light in all areas. I want all of me walking in the light, so that there is no darkness for the enemy to hide in or use against me!!

  4. October 11, 2007 2:28 pm

    Amen siesta….I am SO tired. Working tonight, so for you, and my other siestas, I will get back with y’all soon:)

    I’ll write more, this is a great start girl, can’t wait to see more.

    Is it ready for publishing?

  5. October 11, 2007 4:47 pm

    It does take courage to tell someone else about some terrible thing we did that we are ashamed of.

    That you were able to do so Tam shows how much stronger you have become. It also shows how much you love your daughter.

    In using your past mistakes, and I certainly have made plenty, to help your daughter to learn how to avoid repeating them, is a way of redeeming the past. You have made something good come out of your terrible past.

    You also make a very good point when you ask, “Have you forgiven yourself”.

    If we aren’t able to forgive ourselves it won’t make much differences what someone else tells us. I doubt that we will be able to get past our own shame. Living in the past is never a good thing.

    You are doing a great job of using the past to help build a better future for your family.

  6. October 11, 2007 5:15 pm

    I love you! and you are right on about all this…somehow God allows so much healing and takes the bad and makes it good, as long as we are willing to use it help someone else..its called getting your plunder from all the enemy has taken from you..God does that. Isn’t HE just the best!?! Come over you have been tagged for comic relief! I have stopped drinking coffee LOL

  7. Storie permalink
    October 11, 2007 5:52 pm

    Tam, I am so proud of you. You are experiencing liberation to speak from your experience now. It must feel so good. God is in REALITY, and the business of making beautiful the broken places in our lives. You are going to be experiencing an incresase in freedom in your writing, I just know it! Love you friend.

  8. October 11, 2007 9:21 pm

    Oh, You’re GOOD!

    You’re REALLY GOOD! (How rare is that?)

    Not only are you so open and honest with yourself you extend that to those from whom you feel you have the most to ‘lose’ by any rejection from them of who you are/were.

    And THEN you extend that further to all and sundry on your blog, friends and total strangers alike.

    If that is not leading by example i truly do not have a clue!

    And then you challenge anyone to do as you have had the guts and integrity to do.

    I am very impressed! 🙂

    Now… can i live up to your challenge?? Hmmmm…

    How can I not? – If i let my ego rule me through fear or deception – that’s how.

    With the Right help we can ALL overcome.

    You’ve shown us just One way, Tam!

    Humbled, but proud to call you ‘Friend’.

  9. October 11, 2007 11:22 pm

    Tam? Did you get my mails?

    I’ve sent two replies (i got two from you) but the last one my ISP mailer daemon (damn those daemons) has returned to me address undeliverable?

    I’m going to have to have a word with my ISP it seems. This is happening to me with another American friend as well and i DON’T like it. 😦

  10. October 11, 2007 11:25 pm

    Sorry – the email connection was refused ‘for abuse’????

    I REALLY need a word with my ISP!!!

    I’ll see if i can find another way to reply – later

  11. October 12, 2007 3:21 am

    Interesting and obviously very personal to you. My eldest is a year younger than your little girl and she’s already had the “birds and the bees” talk and knows about contraception and prevention being better than a cure (although you may not look at abortion as a cure). I can see that you want to ensure that your baby doesn’t make the same mistakes that you did and this is certainly laudable.

    I’d question your timing but a mother knows best. My own daughter is too young (mentally as well as physically) to hear such uncomfortable truths. Maybe is a year or so.

    Anyway, it can’t have been easy so well done on facing up to the challenge.

  12. October 12, 2007 10:29 am

    here’s the thing. I think so many kids that do have premarital sex are scared to death to tell their parents and that is part of the reasoning in thinking having an abortion is the way. i really believe there is a time and place to share things from your past and tell of the redemption and salvation of the Lord in your life. I fully plan to be honest with Morgan over certain areas. One thing my mom did was act like she was perfect and that she never did anything wrong and then we would find out different and lose respect. I so want to lead by example. If Morgan can’t watch rated R movies then I am not and so on. I don’t care what people think about that because it is my conviction and i am not pushing it on anyone else…but I dont ever want to be a parent that portrays do as I say not as I do. That is not the way Christ leads. LOVE YOU TAM!

  13. October 12, 2007 7:28 pm

    I have just been able to read these posts here. Wow-tam. I just have to say you are doing a good thing. We need to talk about sex by God’s standards. If we have these experiences that confirm His ways are best and we can tell you for certain because we have taken the wrong road then we need to use them. The enemy wants us to keep these things hidden in darkness so he can keep a hold on us. We need to expose them appropriately and the right time and place. I think you should trust your mother’s instincts. You did a good thing. We need to talk about this more in the church. It saturates the world. Our young people and children need to get the right advice from home and church.

    You have blessed me by these posts.
    Much love to you my sister in Christ,

  14. October 12, 2007 9:11 pm

    I just want to thank you all for sharing your wisdom, thoughts and encouragement here. It means a whole lot to me! More than you’ll ever know.

    Since I have told Kass and began blogging about this your responses, even the ones who may not understand or agree totally, have been a confirmation that we are headed in the right direction here. I am convinced, to the bottom of my toes, that God, through this testimony, will save lives, renew lives and heal many! I am willing to be used. If only one woman finds freedom from my story – then this will all have been worth it!

    Thanks for joining us in this…unending, humbled thanks!

  15. garmentofpraise permalink
    October 13, 2007 8:32 am

    Thank you for being honest and telling your daughter about your struggles. My generation is searching for the truth-we need our parents to be honest, because it seems like no one else is. Because of your honesty I think it will be easier for your daughter to be honest with you because she sees that you aren’t perfect-so many parents try and pretend they are because of shame and regret-when we really just need the truth.
    On another note….Something that I’ve observed that the more I share about my past and my struggles the more open my friends are to sharing with me and I realize that I am not alone.
    I know that God is going to minister to so many people through your testimony because he already has. I admire you for your courage. I know it isn’t easy. It’d be so much easy to just sit in that comfort zone huh?
    Thanks again,

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