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January 10, 2008

GAMES FOR WHEN WE  ARE OLDER

1. Sag,  you’re  It.

2. Hide and go  pee.

3.  20 questions  shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the   bucket

5. Red Rover, Red  Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical  recliners.

7. Simon  says  something incoherent.

8. Pin the Toupee on  the bald guy

SIGNS  OF MENOPAUSE:

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2.  You have to write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them.

3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD  IS  WHEN:

1. Going bra-less  pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

2. You don’t care  where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

3.  Getting a  little action means I don’t need fiber today.

4.  Getting  lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

5. An all-nighter  means not getting up to pee!

THOUGHTS  FOR  A SLOW WEEK:

Wouldn’t it be  nice  if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press ‘Ctr Alt  Delete’ and  start all over?

Just remember,  if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

If raising children  was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called  labor!

Brain cells come  and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Ponderisms:

I used to eat a  lot of  natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural  causes.

Garden Rule:  When  weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not  a valuable  plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily,  it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to  find  something lost around the house is to buy a  replacement.

Never take life  seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

In the 60’s,  people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and  people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one  careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a  campfire?   

Who was the first  person to say, ‘See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that  comes outta  its butt.’

If Jimmy cracks  corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why does your OB-GYN  leave the room when  you get undressed if he’s going to look up there  anyway?

Do illiterate  people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why doesn’t glue  stick to the inside of the bottle?

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. January 10, 2008 4:10 pm

    Who was the first person to say “see that chicken there, I am going to eat the next thing…..” hahahahahha (deep breath) hahahahahahahahaha I never heard that one before and I want to know wha wha wha what!!!?

    girl I needed this laugh more than you know! You so crack me up, I love it!!!

  2. heatherblankenship permalink
    January 10, 2008 4:44 pm

    This is too funny! 🙂 So, you must be having a very slow week! Are you working on that book?? I can’t wait to see it out on a shelf!

  3. January 10, 2008 5:08 pm

    I love this side of you….

    Happy days.

  4. January 10, 2008 5:12 pm

    oh I’m cracking up…especiall the games we’ll play when were older. too funny!

  5. January 10, 2008 5:57 pm

    you are so hilarious! Also, thank you for all of your sweet comments seriously!!!

  6. January 10, 2008 7:52 pm

    LOL!!!!!!!

    bless your heart…. hope you are feeling better!

  7. January 10, 2008 9:33 pm

    I am rolling on the floor laughing!!

  8. January 10, 2008 9:34 pm

    And have I told you yet (if so I’ll just tell you again; my aging memory can’t keep up with my typing fingers) how blessed I was by your comment on my blog? 🙂 I was tickled pink to get your warm welcome back and your very wise and encouraging words. Thank you for bringing joy and delight to my life, dear Siesta!

  9. January 10, 2008 9:50 pm

    Faith, I really did miss you! I checked on your blog constantly and was hoping and praying you were well. So glad you were and are!!!

    You’ve blessed me ever since I ran across your blog – you inspire Faith!

    Mandy, I am beginning to feel better but this dang thang is lingerin’!

    Jenny, You should get published! Have you all checked out Jenny’s blog? I think most of you do already but for those of you who have not, you are missin’ out!

    Girl, my fave was the saggy braless no lines on the face one! Classic!

    Ivy, thank you! It is my better side 😉

    Heather, why you gotta come over and ask a question I have to answer? 😀 I haven’t worked on my book recently…ugh – I hate admitting that! “Plan your work and work your plan” right? I am…I promise!

    Darla, it’s 2008. June is coming around this year! Oh-Yeah!!!!

    Sisters, I love you all…I truly, truly do!

  10. January 11, 2008 10:41 pm

    I totally relate to the 20 questions shouted into your good ear. It’s pretty sad when my friend Kim and I end up sitting on the wrong side with our bad ears ear to ear.

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