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Things Found Only In America

February 9, 2008

flag.jpg1. Only in America……can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America……are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America……do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America……do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America……do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America……do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.
10. Only in America……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

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73 Comments leave one →
  1. February 9, 2008 9:28 pm

    I just thought some of those were kind of funny!

  2. February 9, 2008 10:59 pm

    hey I get diet soda cause I like the taste. I swear. I wouldnt get a big mac if I was on a diet, lol.

  3. February 9, 2008 11:35 pm

    Yeah I only get diet b/c I like the taste better too. haha!

    I had an “ahhh yeah” moment when I read number #3. 😉

  4. February 10, 2008 6:15 am

    Ok, so yes, yes, and yes on most of that list. But the hot dogs? Those extra ones are for the kids who don’t like buns. I happen to have two of them. So now you can let that one go…

  5. February 10, 2008 11:00 am

    Hey! Whats wrong with #10? My car speedometer is in braille so I can know how fast I am going!

  6. February 10, 2008 11:51 am

    LOL too funny! And Papa needing braille on the speedometer is a little frightening…but I would love to watch! 🙂

  7. February 10, 2008 3:45 pm

    But I like Diet Coke :-). I’d buy it any day with my Big Mac :-)!

  8. February 10, 2008 3:52 pm

    I still can’t get the hotdogs and the buns. I have been fustrated and left with many buns over. I wonder if the same is tru with hamburgers?

  9. February 10, 2008 4:28 pm

    TAM! love you and dying to read some more of that book! honestly girl we have to hook up sometime this week!

  10. February 10, 2008 6:22 pm

    That cracked me up! I did just buy 8 hotdogs and 8 buns! I feel complete for that. And I love the Diet Coke one. Just today I stood behind a man that bought a case of Coke Zero and a bag of Doritos! What is the point?

  11. February 11, 2008 2:18 am

    How very Americocentric of you. I’ll have you know that we get all these things in England as well. 😉

    The answer to the bun and sausage conundrum is simple. Sausage manufacturers and bakers do not work together and neither is willing to change to help the other industry. Plus you can always use the extra sausages for the dog.

  12. February 11, 2008 1:01 pm

    The last one made me laugh.

  13. February 13, 2008 6:26 am

    Tam wrote:

    “Only in America……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.”

    Don’t even get me started with this ONE!!! I had to remove 6 inches of ice-capped snow from my car this morning because my garage is loaded with worthless …. my wife won’t let me toss!

    Seriously, WHY oh WHY do i have to hold on to 20 or 30 boxes of baby clothes when i had a vasectomy more than two years ago!!!

    R.

  14. February 13, 2008 6:59 am

    R, that’s funny! I mean….I’m sorry 😦

    Having just moved, our garage is full of boxes we still need to go through. Fortunately, I’m not a pack-rat but I am still amazed by the amount of things we have saved or collected out there. More amazed at the time it took to transfer all of it from one home to another either to ultimately toss it or leave it for years untouched. And why?? We are a strange people!

  15. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 7:00 am

    “WHY oh WHY do i have to hold on to 20 or 30 boxes of baby clothes”

    Sweet Providence! Because we need them! MY wife is gonna pop any second!

  16. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 7:02 am

    You don’t have onesies which read “Sartre is my homeboy” do you?

  17. February 13, 2008 7:02 am

    J, how on earth are you gonna show us your precious newborn without a blog?!?! Not fair!!

    By the way….my time with the Lord this morning was incredibly sweet!

  18. February 13, 2008 7:04 am

    HA! When I was a first time mother, in my ignorance, I thought “onesies” was pronounced “Oh-Knee-Seas”

    Who Knew!!!

  19. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 7:08 am

    Wonderful!!

    onesies from the greek a-nae-sius – meaning crap shirt.

  20. February 13, 2008 7:10 am

    and somehow that seems so convincing!

  21. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 7:11 am

    I love somehow in the wintertime.

  22. February 13, 2008 7:11 am

    the greek thing

  23. February 13, 2008 7:12 am

    eh?

    is that a place?

  24. February 13, 2008 7:23 am

    Mama and I work the newborn nursery when in Michigan. I thought onesies was the size of a small diaper or tee-shirt!

    Did you get up earlier today Tam? Or did you pull that blanket up around your ears? :o)

  25. February 13, 2008 7:24 am

    Mornin’ papa! I got up! I commented about it on the “stagnant” post…

    Thanks for asking Papa 😉

  26. February 13, 2008 10:17 am

    “Sartre is my homeboy”

    Oh MAN!!!! I wish i had seen that one when my little ones were in ‘onesies’.

    The funniest ones I found were “Give peas a chance!” and “Top Tomato” I think they were made of hemp or something… I bought them at this wacky earthy-crunchy shop in Brattleboro, Vermont… i think the cashier may have been HIGH! 😉

    R.

  27. February 13, 2008 10:35 am

    “I bought them at this wacky earthy-crunchy shop in Brattleboro, Vermont… i think the cashier may have been HIGH!”

    Was that in the late 80’s, early 90’s?

    Wait. Never mind. I’ve never been to Vermont.

  28. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 10:48 am

    I got one for my soon to be born daughter which says, in the middle of a star,

    NEW!

    It is in a font which looks like it would be on detergent packaging or a new variety of cereal.

    My boy has a tshirt which has a sippy cup on it with come liquid in it, and it says below the cup:

    half-full.

  29. February 13, 2008 11:09 am

    Tam said:

    “Wait. Never mind. I’ve never been to Vermont.”

    You should GO!!! It’s almost Canada! Well…most of the New England states are almost Canada…

    Wait…. that should be our motto here!

    Massachusetts!! We’re almost Canada!

    😀

    R.

  30. February 13, 2008 11:16 am

    Ok, Tam we’re getting in the car and driving to the East Coast…watcha think? 😉

  31. February 13, 2008 11:30 am

    Your Jeep??? Can I drive? Can I?

  32. February 13, 2008 11:34 am

    Wouldn’t have it any other way!!! We’ll start saving the 1000 plus for gas right away!!! LOL

  33. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 11:36 am

    “Wait…. that should be our motto here! Massachusetts!! We’re almost Canada!”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAAaahhhh

  34. February 13, 2008 11:37 am

    No Debs! We’ll just bat our eyes and twirl our hair for gas 😉 Helllooooo!!! How do you think I drive around on our budget now?

  35. February 13, 2008 11:37 am

    Who can we pick up along the way?

  36. February 13, 2008 11:38 am

    J, have I asked this before…is there a baby on your lap in that pic?

  37. February 13, 2008 11:43 am

    Hmmm we’ll have to start finding locations of our blogging friends accross the country and map out our route. Just show up on doorsteps batting and twirling…..how fun would that be????

  38. February 13, 2008 11:44 am

    I’m thinking we’re gonna need a bigger car Debs!

  39. February 13, 2008 11:47 am

    Off topic here…

    One of my search terms this morning has been “braless wife”

    Happy Valentine’s Day HONEY!!!!

  40. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 11:51 am

    “J, have I asked this before…is there a baby on your lap in that pic?”

    sorry i missed it. Yeah, that’s Zeke, my firstborn, from Christmas 2006, he was about 7 months. I am home with him during the day while my wife brings home the bacon.

    mmmbacon

    Sorry. He is now 20 months and wearing 3T. There is a safety reason why children of that age shouldn’t be that tall.

    If we were still in MN we might be on the way to something, but we are about 5 miles from the Atlantic. Ed’s kind of on the way to Robert and Me, though. And Darla’s kind of on the way to Ed. And Brandy will be only about 4 degrees latitude off of I-80 soon…that’s a lot of batting and twirling. You’ll both get a tic and bore a hole in your heads.

  41. February 13, 2008 11:55 am

    Speaking of tics. I seriously considered acting like I had the “swearing tic” when I was being selected for jury duty about 6 years ago. That would have been a riot! I didn’t want to be in contempt 😯

    3T?!! Holy cow! I say that totally respectfully!

  42. February 13, 2008 12:04 pm

    Since my son’s wear a size 13 shoe….I have obviously forgotten what a 3t may be??? J, I know you think we’re kidding, but it would be nothing for Tam and I to do something like that……if you feel eyes following you around and a yellow jeep parked outside your house, rest assured it’s just us making sure it’s you before we say hi! 🙂

  43. February 13, 2008 12:08 pm

    Tru-Dat!

  44. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 12:08 pm

    “speaking of tics”

    hahahhaha!

    Deb,

    put the keys down, step away from the jeep…

  45. February 13, 2008 12:09 pm

    Actually J, I’D be driving! To which, well, you’re right. I’ll really should put the keys down.

    TAXI!

  46. February 13, 2008 12:10 pm

    Oh crap! Go ahead J. Correct my grammification too. Vinny and I spend too much time together!

  47. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 12:19 pm

    I’ve been grammified! conjugatacized! declensionated! Pronominalized!

    I don’t usually correct because people aren’t making errors in their head, just in typing, of which I am the greatest offender. His thing just struck me funny.

    It was, too!

    Do you call the yellow Jeep the Taxi?

  48. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 12:20 pm

    My wife’s contractions are 13 minutes apart.

    heeheehehehehhehe

  49. February 13, 2008 12:25 pm

    “Do you call the yellow Jeep the Taxi?”

    Just thought i shouldn’t drive. Ask Debs about that 😯

    SWEET!!!!!! How far are you from the hospital? Is she uncomfortable? How are you???

  50. February 13, 2008 12:28 pm

    Never heard of declension. Learned a new word today.

    Side Salad and Dictionary. I’m ready! 😆

  51. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 12:28 pm

    “Just thought i shouldn’t drive”

    Scary

    the hospital is about 6 miles away, and they aren’t the hardcore contractions, but they aren’t Braxton (sp?) either.

    She’s been uncomfortable for sometime now, no secret to you guys. I think she is more comfortable now that it is closer to ignition and take off.

  52. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 12:30 pm

    when I was a phlebotomist one guy didn’t want to get poked and he said, “Ain’t no creep wakin me up gonna needlize me. I already been needlized!!”

  53. February 13, 2008 12:31 pm

    Tell her it’s ok to claw you….and scream..it helps…

    I’m praying for a QUICK delivery……YAY!!!!

  54. February 13, 2008 12:33 pm

    Yes, it was a taxi actually….tam was my taxi driver for me when I broke my foot….nothing stops me from Christmas shopping!

  55. February 13, 2008 12:35 pm

    Who’d be screaming? J and mama???

    Someone is here to look at our riding mower. We’re selling it. I’m sad. I love that thing!

    ooooo, maybe we can drive that out East! We could be there in 1.2 years!

  56. February 13, 2008 12:36 pm

    J or mama!

    Geeze Tam

  57. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 12:38 pm

    “maybe we can drive that out East! We could be there in 1.2 years!”

    Have you guys seen “the Straight Story”

    “J or mama! Geeze Tam”

    You may have been right the first time..

  58. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 12:39 pm

    “maybe we can drive that out East! We could be there in 1.2 years!”

    Have you guys seen “the Straight Story”

    “J or mama! Geeze Tam”

    You may have been right the first time..

  59. February 13, 2008 12:43 pm

    “Have you guys seen “the Straight Story”

    nope.

    I’ll google it

    oooo, say “toy boat” 5 times straight as fast as you can!

  60. February 13, 2008 12:46 pm

    That movie is based on a true story. Fascinating! The review didn’t mention WHY he took the tractor.

  61. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 12:51 pm

    As the story goes, when he found out that his brother was dying, he took the lawn tractor because he didn’t have any other mode of transportation.

    It is slow, but wonderful, and lots of kind of thoughtful scenery moments in which the guy is very contemplative.

  62. February 13, 2008 12:56 pm

    My hubby collects antique tractors….and yes, we about have it memorized….ahhhhh

    I meant mama can scream…J needs to remain calm and collected at all times

  63. February 13, 2008 12:57 pm

    Actually Tammers it would only take 4 days or so…….we have alot of family in Minnesota….so we could stop there for a bit…hmmmm fun stuff..

  64. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 12:58 pm

    “we have alot of family in Minnesota”

    yah, whereabouts, say, den?

  65. February 13, 2008 12:59 pm

    Well, put your lashes and hair extensions on! We’re having ourselves a Road Tip!

  66. February 13, 2008 1:09 pm

    Well, let’s see. We have folks in Cottonwood, Clayton, Pipestone, and Laverne. Most of the South West corner…Then our favorite Uncle has a cabin at Lake Ponsit (?) and a few in Sioux Falls, SD. You don’t know any Ree’s do you?

  67. Jason permalink
    February 13, 2008 1:18 pm

    I have only spent a brief period of time in Worthington and Montevideo. I grew up near Rochester which is about 200 miles east of yer people, yah, den.

    I actually like the flatness out there. It is so starkly beautiful and so dark at night that there is nowhere with better stargazing. It creeps some people out. big. flat. quiet. tooo quiet…

    I have heard that the National Park in Pipestone is fabulous!

  68. February 13, 2008 1:39 pm

    Ya, sure ya betcha… most of the time is spent boypin, choypin and eatin’ doyty woyms…. 😉

    It’s breathtaking to see the galaxy of stars in the flatland when you’ve been surrounded by mountains your whole life, but it’s gorgeous and we don’t have fireflies!!! 😦

  69. February 13, 2008 4:51 pm

    “Happy Valentine’s Day HONEY!!!!”

    😯

  70. February 13, 2008 5:13 pm

    You’re safe B, it’s not til tomorrow….

  71. February 14, 2008 10:33 am

    My response had more to do with her comment about ‘Bra’s”

    🙂

  72. Sean permalink
    February 14, 2008 11:20 am

    Wow, I slack off a couple of days and look at what I come back to! hahaha How am I supposed to jump in on any of this? 🙂

  73. February 14, 2008 11:25 am

    Pick one of the off topics and go for it.

    We’re here for you Sean! 😉

    Vinny, that’ll be enough from you now…

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