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When Insults Had Class

July 7, 2008

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”

— Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”

— Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”

— William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening–but, this wasn’t it.”

— Groucho Marx

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

— Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.”

— Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.”

— George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

… Churchill’s response: “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one.”

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”

— Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man who worships his creator.”

— John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”

— Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”

— Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”

— Paul Keating

“He has delusions of adequacy.”

— Walter Kerr

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without an address on it?”

— Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”

— Mae West

Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party,

“Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!”

Winston replied, “Madam, if I were your husband,

I would drink it!”

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37 Comments leave one →
  1. July 7, 2008 3:16 am

    Hahahahahahaha! How funnily insulting! Hahahaha.

    Here are my faves:

    “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening–but, this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx

    “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop

    “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating

    “He has delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

  2. July 7, 2008 6:12 am

    Oh my. Would that I had wit that sharp and that quick – to zing one out and have my audience not even know that they’d been insulted in the couching of such classy phrasing.

    Does that sound mean? 🙂

  3. July 7, 2008 6:31 am

    Do i dare admit I got far too much pleasure out of reading those and wishing I had said some of them? Oh …. I used to be so good at disguising a insult inside of a compliment….so glad I grew out of that! These were so funny!

  4. Heidi permalink
    July 7, 2008 6:36 am

    My favs:

    “I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes.” oscar Wilde

    “The problem with America today is that too many people know too much about not enough.” – Margaret Mead

    Were insulted poorly recently? 🙂 Let me tell you I have….

  5. July 7, 2008 6:38 am

    “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”

    – Mae West

    LOVE it!

  6. July 7, 2008 6:45 am

    LOVE the Winston Churchill quotes. He was incredibily witty!

  7. July 7, 2008 7:02 am

    nice

  8. July 7, 2008 7:04 am

    😆

  9. July 7, 2008 7:14 am

    this is awesome! john bright gets my vote for tops!!!

  10. July 7, 2008 7:16 am

    “He has delusions of adequacy.”

    I resemble that remark.

  11. ramsey72 permalink
    July 7, 2008 7:19 am

    These are great! Nothing like a classy insult!

  12. July 7, 2008 7:26 am

    Ha! Last one is classic!

  13. July 7, 2008 7:49 am

    lol, classic!

    Nobody was better at giving good insults than Winston Churchill and Mark Twain. I wish I had half the wit those guys had.

  14. July 7, 2008 8:00 am

    I’m ashamed to admit – I like them.

  15. July 7, 2008 8:28 am

    Does anyone know who first said:

    “His brain must be in the witness protection program.”

  16. July 7, 2008 8:32 am

    Oo, these are nice!

  17. July 7, 2008 8:38 am

    Mark Twain and Churchill…how do they do that? 😀

  18. July 7, 2008 8:51 am

    Love these! I needed a giggle today!

  19. July 7, 2008 9:06 am

    These are hilarious!! 😆

    Love them!

  20. July 7, 2008 9:06 am

    There is nothing like an underhanded insult.

  21. July 7, 2008 9:58 am

    Those were priceless! 🙂 Thanks for the laugh today.

  22. July 7, 2008 10:59 am

    Of all the blog posts I have read, that was by far the most recent.

    -Vince Marotte

  23. July 7, 2008 11:07 am

    Please pass the coffee ???

  24. July 7, 2008 11:07 am

    and the cleverly funny award goes to….

    Vince Marotte!!!!!

  25. July 7, 2008 12:11 pm

    I do have to note that you’re missing the best insults of this generation…sad to say that they all begin w/ “Your momma…”

  26. July 7, 2008 12:36 pm

    Yep, these days people just cuss you out…so not original.

  27. Selena permalink
    July 7, 2008 1:04 pm

    “He is a self-made man who worships his creator.”

    – John Bright

    WHOA!

  28. July 7, 2008 2:18 pm

    “you so ugly, when you came out the doctor smacked your mother” Fred G Sanford

    (i know pathetic)

  29. July 7, 2008 4:06 pm

    nice

  30. July 7, 2008 6:19 pm

    where do you get this stuff!! so good!!

  31. July 7, 2008 6:44 pm

    lol that’s hilarious. Winston Churchill was quite the firecracker huh? Thanks for the laugh. Love you!

  32. July 7, 2008 10:24 pm

    Ah back when intellect was valued. It’s all so “Cyrano”.

  33. July 7, 2008 11:52 pm

    And who my dear are you mad at today?

  34. July 8, 2008 9:50 am

    I recieved a “veiled” insult this weekend… We had some friends over for a party. One party goer who hadn’t seen our apartment said to me, “It’s really cozy and lived in”. (Does that mean she thinks it is messy?? I cleaned including dusted before people came over.

  35. September 10, 2009 5:22 am

    Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.

  36. August 24, 2010 10:34 am

    Sign: zdbrw Hello!!! taraz and 6338vuvhknfrtu and 9347 : Cooooool blog really

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