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Laws Of Life

July 10, 2008

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)

Law of Close Encounters

The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Have you discovered any new laws?

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47 Comments leave one →
  1. July 10, 2008 12:57 am

    Law of Being On Time

    If you have to be somewhere, and are running late, you never fails that you will get behind some old person, who decided going the speed limit is against their morals,
    and who puts the blinker on 5 miles ahead of the turn…

  2. July 10, 2008 12:58 am

    either that, or the entire state seems to be on the road the same time as you…either way…totally abnormal Murphy’s law lol.

  3. July 10, 2008 5:00 am

    Diaper Law

    Only when you are running late and after you have got all the baby gear ready to depart the child will decide to have a complete blow out requiring not only a change of diaper but a complete hose down.

  4. July 10, 2008 5:03 am

    Lurkers Law

    When you finally get brave enough to make a comment on a blog you have been lurking at after you hit submit comment you see that you have made a huge grammatical error.

  5. July 10, 2008 5:09 am

    @ngie…

    I haven’t been lurking for awhile and I still hit submit and see typos and spelling errors… But I know my weakness… πŸ˜‰

  6. July 10, 2008 5:10 am

    Bills Law

    For every payment installment you make two bills arrive on the same day.

  7. July 10, 2008 5:13 am

    ckroboth…

    I hav the same weekness. hee hee hee. Really though – even after I read it over three times it is only after it is posted that I see my weakness shining through. πŸ˜‰ Yay for weaknesses! (and for spell-checkers on my browser.)

  8. July 10, 2008 5:20 am

    Law of Floor Cleaning

    As SOON as you clean your floor, your dog tramples in the house with muddy paws, people stop by and don’t take their shoes off, your baby throws food all over it, your husband unknowingly walks over it while its still wet leaving “Murphy’s Oil Soap” footprints until the next scrubbing…in a few months. πŸ™‚

  9. July 10, 2008 5:23 am

    FL washing car law…

    as soon as you wash your car….it rains.

  10. Heidi permalink
    July 10, 2008 5:45 am

    Law of Grocery Store:

    After a long hot day of work you snack along the aisles, a grape there, some cookies, and then that nice ice cold soda in line.
    Totally quenches you know…
    Then you open your checkbook and
    ALAS.. your husband uses the last check and doesn’t tell you..

    “Sir, can I leave my teenagers hear for collateral as I run home?”

  11. Heidi permalink
    July 10, 2008 5:46 am

    here not hear – oops

  12. July 10, 2008 5:54 am

    @ngie is CRACKING ME UP!!!

  13. July 10, 2008 6:37 am

    Laundry Law

    as soon as I finish folding the laundry and putting it away, i find a whole new dirty stack i’ve missed.

    Head Injury Law

    it never fails, right before naptime or bedtime my children will get a nasty hit on their head and i’m suppose to keep them awake…

  14. July 10, 2008 7:48 am

    law of invitation

    i always get inviations in the mail to separate events on the same dates……then i have to choose and let someone down…. drives me nuts!

  15. July 10, 2008 8:03 am

    The Saran Wrap Law

    “If the wrap is acting up, you will surely cuss”

  16. July 10, 2008 8:12 am

    The last one is my favorite!!! It’s very true!

  17. July 10, 2008 8:16 am

    law of alanis morissette:
    you can find 10,000 spoons, when all you need is a knife
    a rainy day on your wedding day
    a free ride, when you’ve already paid
    a death row pardon two minutes too late
    …just a few for your day [props to mark for his help w/ the irony recall!]

  18. July 10, 2008 8:19 am

    sidenote: I find it hilarious that “Jagged Little Pill” was written about “Uncle Joey” from Full House.

  19. July 10, 2008 8:20 am

    law of property taxes

    whenever your property taxes come due…either or both of your vehicles will need repaired(because the garage door was closed on the trunk and pulled the whole opener and track off the wall)…you will have a tuition payment to make…and the central air unit will need a new blower…:)

  20. crystal permalink
    July 10, 2008 8:46 am

    Totally off subject but how is your book coming??

  21. July 10, 2008 9:05 am

    The Law of Toast
    When dropped, toast will always land butter side down.

    Law of Cats
    When dropped, cats will always land on their feet

    What it you stuck a piece of toast butter side up on a cat’s back?

  22. July 10, 2008 9:08 am

    Tam – welcome my friend Josh Mickelson to the convo! I saw him at church last night and he said “that Tam is awesome!” – I agree!

    Law of JudiFree.com

    Your blog is on the homepage of wordpress and it’s linking to a post about how sweaty and stinky you are.

  23. July 10, 2008 9:27 am

    Law of a new car

    If you buy a new car, you will scratch it, dent it, or otherwise scar it within a month.

    *True story….bought a new car 2 weeks ago…at this VERY moment there is a man in my garage replacing the windshield. No lie! Had my old car for 5 years…windshield never cracked despite 100s of rocks hitting it. One rock hits new windshield and kaplooey, a 10 inch crack πŸ™‚

  24. July 10, 2008 9:28 am

    Judi!!!! I get linked by WordPress for the oddest things 😯 well. maybe i just always say odd things??? hmmm…

    and yes, josh…love him! josh, love you! so glad to “meet” you friend πŸ™‚

    im so diggin all your laws!!!

    brandi – i had forgotten that law! my kids are older so the “law” has adapted a bit…

    9:33 pm – “mom, i forgot, i have a final essay due tomorrow for science.”

    10:02 pm – “mom, you like to bake dont you? cuz i need 33 homemade cookies tomorrow for our class party.”

  25. July 10, 2008 9:40 am

    Law of the new white shirt

    Wear a new white shirt to dinner at a friends house and they serve spaghetti or lasagna. Happens to me WAY too often.

  26. Selena permalink
    July 10, 2008 10:05 am

    The Law of the Boy Leaving Legos On The Floor And The Mom Stepping On Them And The Boy Laughing And The Mom Becoming Cranky

  27. Selena permalink
    July 10, 2008 10:06 am

    LOL Sweaty Judi! πŸ˜†

  28. July 10, 2008 12:30 pm

    Selena, the law of legos has one more…

    When mom steps on them in her barefeet..they go in the trash. πŸ˜†

  29. July 10, 2008 12:31 pm

    oh and boy stops laughing. 😯

  30. Selena permalink
    July 10, 2008 12:39 pm

    That’s good, Darla! πŸ˜†

    Next time I am going to say, “Cry Little Boy, Cry!”

  31. July 10, 2008 12:58 pm

    i wish i were creative enough to think of something.

  32. Selena permalink
    July 10, 2008 1:00 pm

    Alece, The Law Of Having Brain Fart

  33. July 10, 2008 1:04 pm

    You forgot one…

    The Law of Married with Children Intimacy…

    If you begin intimate relations with your spouse after you believe your child is fast asleep, you will invariably hear your child yell, “Daddy (or mommy) I need to use the potty!”

  34. July 10, 2008 1:30 pm

    total transformation- or worse they will bust in what you thought was a locked door..only to tell you years later that the visual scarred them… 😯

  35. July 10, 2008 1:36 pm

    Heck, the visual that put in my head scared me!

  36. July 10, 2008 1:38 pm

    me too

    😯

  37. July 10, 2008 1:41 pm

    very scarry …be very afraid.. I was! LOL now extra locks on the door and I don’t care if they laugh that mommy is scared of the boogieman..really scared of them! πŸ˜†

  38. July 10, 2008 1:45 pm

    Selena! Let’s not make that a new nick-name. That’s a whole other post of it’s own!

  39. July 10, 2008 1:47 pm

    hehe!! “sweaty judi”

    πŸ˜†

  40. Selena permalink
    July 10, 2008 1:51 pm

    *Wipes the sweat off of Judi* There there πŸ˜€

    J/Messing cause you’re so darn cute! πŸ˜‰

  41. July 10, 2008 3:06 pm

    Law of personal injury:

    Whenever you join a gym, or commit to an exercise program for fun or fitness, an injury of some sort will occur prior to the initial session.

  42. July 10, 2008 3:45 pm

    The Law of Sick and Injured Children:

    Once one goes, they all drop like flies. 😯

  43. July 10, 2008 3:48 pm

    I don’t know what law this would be, but it really sucks. Tomorrow is O’s first birthday, and he’s never had a hair cut. So today, I decided to cut his hair. I waited a year to cut his curly locks. And he needs it badly….it’s all stringy and gross.

    I didn’t make it far. I cut off the top layer of skin on the top of his ear. Not kidding. At all. It was a bloody bloody mess. 😯 And the skin didn’t come completely off. It was hanging and dripping blood. I’m such a bad mommy! 😯

    Never ever cutting hair again. Ever.

    Anyone got a “Law” for that?!

  44. July 10, 2008 4:38 pm

    love you Bwan! not a bad mommy just a human one..welcome to my world…I haven’t cut there hair…but I did drop one out of the carseat once…embarrassing… kid was okay… i want to give you a hug!

  45. July 10, 2008 5:12 pm

    I have done that too Darla! 😯

    Maybe I should stop telling on myself? πŸ˜†

  46. July 10, 2008 10:52 pm

    The Law Of School Pictures
    Two days before school pictures, your child(ren) will fall and scrape some part of their face

    The Law Of Extra Cash
    The minute you receive a bonus, tax refund or extra cash of any kind, your car will breakdown and/or a major appliance will need to be fixed or replaced.

  47. TheNorEaster permalink
    July 11, 2008 5:54 pm

    Bombeck’s Law: “Never go to a doctor whose house plants have died.”

    Calkin’s Law of Menu Language: “The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish.”

    Drew’s Law of Highway Biology: “The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.”

    Ross’s Law: “Bare feet magnetize sharp objects so that they always point upward from the floor, especially in the dark.”

    Law of Judgment & Experience: “Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.”

    Law of Probable Dispersal: “Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly dispersed.”

    Finagle’s Creed: “Science is true; don’t be misled by the facts.”

    Bloch’s Corollary: “The first page an author turns to upon receiving an advance copy will be the one with the worst error.”

    Hanlon’s Razor: “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.”

    Kramer’s Law: “You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.”

    Ettore’s Observation: “When shopping, the other lines always moves faster.”

    Brockton’s Law of Presidential Politics: “No matter how incompetent the candidates, there must be a new president.”

    Bernstien’s Laws of Acquisition: “1) If you buy a hardcover edition of a book, the paperback edition will appear next week. 2) If you buy a paperback edition of a book, the hardcover will be remaindered next week at a much lower price. 3) If you buy a paperback edition, or a hardcover edition, or a remaindered copy of a book, the next week you will find the book in excellent condition in a used-book shop–at a much lower price.

    Law of Sufficient Reason: “For every given fact or event, there is a reason why it is as it is rather than otherwise.”

    TheNorEaster’s Law of Blogging: “The time it takes to write an Essay for a blog is inversely proportional to the amount of time spent typing comments on others’ blogs.”

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