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my pillow got wet

August 30, 2008

i had a good cry last night. a real good good cry.

ever since brent, the kids and i went before God declaring to Him we’d go where He sends us – shake us up – get us out of our mediocrity…it has been a whirlwind. in our lives here, in relationships, in our thoughts, our hearts.

i thought last night, what if God moves us away? this town is all our kiddos know. new schools. new friends. i’ve always heard nightmare stories of kids rebelling in these moments. the thought of Him moving us scares the bad word right out of me.

what if we get everything all wrong? what if He lays several different opportunities before us and we pick the wrong one? then i remember reading something Rick Warren wrote…”God’s not as concerned with your geographical location as much as He is in how you serve Him wherever you are at.” (something to that effect)

i know now…where we are now…i am comfortable. BUT, i’ve become very uncomfortable in that comfort. it has turned into a bit of complacency.

that is what has lead brent and me to this place. knowing we have gotten too comfortable. and in that, we’re getting lazy, not doing all that we know we can and should do.

but, we don’t make a change once He moves…we make that change now. if we can’t grow here – we won’t grow anywhere.

i need to stop thinking about the “what ifs” – and start looking at the “what now”. He’s preparing us now. all i, we, have is now.

“whatever You’re doing inside of me…it feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace…” – Sanctus Real

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27 Comments leave one →
  1. August 30, 2008 9:57 am

    mmm… this is so good. and i love what this shows about your family dynamics; what an incredible team you guys are.

    i know that when He speaks, you will follow.

    praying for ears to hear and faith to obey…

  2. August 30, 2008 10:01 am

    we have to follow.

    i love how abraham… “went without knowing where he was going”…he just, went. it was all about faith. thats some pretty incredible faith!

    thank you alece!

  3. Heidi permalink
    August 30, 2008 10:11 am

    Just know… that you have have not changed in God’s eyes.

    He’s waiting like a GREAT chess player…. FOR YOUR NEXT MOVE…

    Don’t be complacent my friend, He loves you so much..

    You HAVE SUCH AN INCREDIBLE PURPOSE IN my life, and others.

    you just don’t know..

    praying and I love you so much,
    I wish I could fly up there at this moment and hug ya,

    I can’t ((sniff))

    But I am sending my Daddy God too….

  4. August 30, 2008 10:25 am

    Thanks tam,
    this is very encouraging to me!

  5. August 30, 2008 10:26 am

    he just went — indeed that’s some serious faith.

    you’ve got that same mustard seed portion…

  6. August 30, 2008 10:35 am

    this thrills me. the fact that you are not filled with zealous hype shows me that this will happen. good good good.

  7. irock4jesus permalink
    August 30, 2008 10:40 am

    Hmm…in do time. God has His plans laid out, and for the moment, you are where your supposed to be. But that could change all to quickly. You never know what God is going to do or where He is going to take you. But what you do know is this, God loves you and has everything worked out already. For the good of your whole family. I have always thought that when you are in a comfortable place in your Christian walk, something must be wrong. I am not saying that everything is hectic in a walk with Christ, because when the world crashes down around you, somehow you still have a peace. Which is God letting you know that your going to be alright.

    God Bless

    http://irock4jesus.wordpress.com

  8. lazrus2 permalink
    August 30, 2008 11:04 am

    You said,
    “if we can’t grow here – we won’t grow anywhere.”

    I think that is key. God is looking for faithfulness, not ‘success’.
    Until we are pursuing faithfulness in everything (‘small’ or ‘great’ — accomplishments or relationships) where we are, He will not move us elsewhere I think.

    If we don’t ‘wait on Him’ and end up ‘moving ourselves’ it could just be running from what we don’t want to obey Him in, and we’ll just find ourselves back at the same place once we’ve ‘made it around the track’ again ={.

    I have pondered this possibility often, and He keeps saying
    ” ‘Wait’ or ‘not yet’, ‘trust Me’, and keep listening with a heart to obey. It will be perfectly clear in My time.”

    D-

  9. August 30, 2008 11:12 am

    praying for your whole family! very excited to follow your “journey”. thanks for being so open and honest!

  10. Heather B permalink
    August 30, 2008 11:52 am

    WOW! This sounds as if you climbed into my head and wrote all that I am trying to make sense of on my own! We are in a very similar place. Thanks for putting into words! πŸ™‚

  11. August 30, 2008 12:42 pm

    Ok… I just commented over at Brent’s blog about God’s General will and his Specific will.

    We can do things that are generally good for the kingdom, but what we are doing might not be exactly or specifically his will for our life.

  12. August 30, 2008 1:23 pm

    WOW! That’s good – so easy to get sucked into complacency without even knowing. I’m feeling a bit the same… what does God have in store for us my dear Sister? I shall be excited to see. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  13. August 30, 2008 1:40 pm

    And this dear is how I feel every few years. πŸ˜‰

    Great post. I love you.

  14. August 30, 2008 1:48 pm

    One comfort that I had in leaving our pillowy comfort zone was this:

    Even if we went where God did not intend us to go, He would not abandon us. He would provide for us and likely bless us richly. That’s His love.

  15. August 30, 2008 1:51 pm

    you have probably been able to tell, i am going through the very same thing. getting comfortable is dangerous. shake it up for me Jesus….
    go, do, be, love, serve, bless, listen, care, hurt
    it is all we can really do

  16. August 30, 2008 3:25 pm

    tam…
    did you just climb in my head and read my mind? we’re in that right now… we’re in that season and i’m feeling all of those things…

    how ’bout we just plan to move to the same “wherever” together.
    whaddya think???

  17. August 30, 2008 3:37 pm

    I’m so proud of you guys for seeking God in this way. I know it’s scary and chaotic but you will be blessed for it!

  18. August 30, 2008 5:26 pm

    been there…am there and forever will be there…

    Thus saith God (sorta) “MOVE TO RI”

  19. August 30, 2008 5:40 pm

    Ok, you move here and we’ll move there. How’s that? πŸ™‚
    But really, God will take care of your kiddos. I am a PK and I moved. The most important thing is your relationshiip with them. They can survive (I hear a song coming on).

    Blessings,
    Debbie aka The Real World Martha(S)

    P.S. – When we were in Oregon we were thinking of trying to see to your church but I couldn’t remember if it was Trail or Table Rock. Well maybe the next time when we are up. If you are still there πŸ™‚

  20. Heidi permalink
    August 30, 2008 9:08 pm

    Thinking alot about tonight….

    I Love you!

  21. Heidi permalink
    August 30, 2008 9:08 pm

    I meant to say.. I’m thinking alot about YOU tonight.

  22. August 30, 2008 10:03 pm

    Tam,

    Okay, so now that’s three of us thinking the same things…

    I kinda have it in my blog today.

    God’s focus is our heart, we go where our heart leads us, but in accordance with His desires and plan…

    The question is…do you feel as though you are still growing…what form of complacency has taken effect in your life?

    I mean what part of YOU and your FAMILY feels the most complacent…in what area?

    Are you secretly crying out for MORE because it suddenly doesn’t feel like ENOUGH?

    I will tell you this from my own happy experience LOL…

    My thing is though, I realized my complacency…as close as I feel to God right now, and with all the small miracles happening….I still remember certain things I used to do that I don’t anymore…its where I feel I’m no longer really giving my ALL…

    And I cried out to God today…literally, because I wanted to tell Him I am not secure unless I know without a doubt He is right beside me….

    So wherever you feel you are being led….or don’t feel led. Let it just happen.

    God will get you where you need to be. Because, well, that’s His job:)

    I love you!

    ang

  23. August 31, 2008 8:56 am

    we were talking about this last night too. There’s something amazing about living right on the edge of faith. I’m excited to see where God is going to lead you!

  24. August 31, 2008 1:48 pm

    Tam – Never worry about any changes – because if you are walking in life surrounded by Christ you will be amazed at how He is with you! Be excited about ministry, be overwhelmed with his love, you also have a Godly husband who will help lead. Plus papa and mama pray for you each evening! We love you!

  25. September 1, 2008 2:23 am

    You said a LOT in that post Tam – a great deal that it took a few reads for me to fully understand.

    I don’t understand about the ‘cry’ though… i KNOW what ‘good cries’ are like, having occasions to have them at certain times in my recent past…

    I have the feeling in this post you meant something else though – a real CRY that expressed something ‘stuck’ in you out, and from which you gained something good ‘after’ – besides just the ‘release’ of whatever ‘it’ was…. did i get that right? could you explain it better if i didn’t??

    You are so right – we only HAVE ‘now’ but much of the time we all live in, and deal exclusively with, what has passed or what is yet to happen (as we imagine it might be)

    it is very difficult for many in today’s society to live only and always in His/our ‘now’.

    i appreciate greatly what ‘ChickenBroth’ said above… we can try to live a generally ‘good’ life – not sinning etc. as we believe He wants when we are in the Kingdom to come… but that alone cannot guarantee we are doing what He would have us do right now, for Him, for us.

    There is not a lot of point gaining in experience if we don’t incorporate that experience into who we are so as to become a ‘better (wo) man’… and not forget the wisdom thus gained in our ‘complacency’/comfort/backslide.

    one step forward and two steps back is a dance best avoided. πŸ™‚

    good to see you can see the Wisdom He shows us… from time to time.

    but i always knew you could! πŸ™‚

    i just hope you’re done crying for a time though???

    <B

  26. September 2, 2008 8:11 am

    i do know what it is like to be moved at an older age. i was 10, my brothers, 14 & 16. it was a battle, but one i don’t regret in the least. i was saved as a result of the move, my brothers the same. yes, we ALL battled our own kinds of demons and still do (one brother does anyway). comfortability isn’t what we’re called to and i pray that you continued to pray that prayer. “God make me uncomfortable”. i am praying for you too.

  27. September 3, 2008 8:02 pm

    That is my favorite song by Sanctus Real. I’ve been playing it regularly lately.

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