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would you like some milk, dear?

December 30, 2008

every morning i would go next door before i left for school. i was a scaredy lil kindergartener that was too afraid to ride the bus. my mother had to leave for work before i left for school and my bus transportation phobia meant i would be alone in the morning after she left. so i’d go next door to our friends home and they took me to school. how nice huh?

well. sort of. you see, my mother always told me to be kind to people. if you receive a gift you don’t like – simply say thank you. if something is offered to you that you may not care for – kindly accept. so…i did.

the moments between my front door and my neighbors front door were the worst. ever. cause i knew what i would soon have to receive at their home.

buttermilk.

buttermilk people!

every. single. morning.

i remember the morning Edna asked if i wanted a glass of milk. well sure! so, she poured it for me and i kindly accepted (just like my mama taught me) then, i took a big gulp 😯

what to do! what to do! i can’t spit it out – that would be messy. i can’t not drink it – that would be rude. i can’t say i don’t like it – cuz mama said not do that.

so what did i do?

i said thank you and drank it all up. and for the next 2 years, each and every school morning… i abhorred enjoyed a nice tall glass of buttermilk for breakfast.

my question to you – are there things you endure simply to avoid hurting someones feelings?

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27 Comments leave one →
  1. December 30, 2008 1:08 am

    Poor little kindergarten-version of you!!! I’ve never tried buttermilk in my life but I can’t imagine that being tasty…

    I think the whole enduring things for me has less to do with not hurting people’s feelings and more to do with maintaining certain (familial) relationships. I have been very hurt and endured certain behaviors, but I endure them because anything less would damage a relationship I’d rather keep intact. So I guess it usually starts out as enduring and ends up as accepting. Each of those moments I’ve had to look at and ask myself if I would rather accept or damage. So far I’ve always decided accepting is more valuable to me than damaging or losing.

    And that’s as deep as I get for 3am 🙂

  2. December 30, 2008 2:01 am

    Hmm…first, buttermilk is disgusting! Strong woman for drinking one gulp. Let alone a whole glass every day for 2 years!

    Even though I just got engaged, I can tell there is going to be a lot of enduring for the next year or so. My mom is already breathing down my throat with ideas. Especially when it comes the the venue. She works at a really nice hotel in Ashland and wants me to have it there even though I want an outdoor ceremony. She brought home a bunch of pamphlets today and went over them with me today for about 45 minutes. Le Sigh.

    I see many of these happening in the future. 😀

  3. December 30, 2008 5:59 am

    Buttermilk – yuk! (finger down throat gagging!) We went to a new years eve party where the main entree’ was ‘peanut butter soup’ – yuk – not anything i’d ever want again – it was as nasty as it sounds. blaaaahhhh !! Gag !!!!

  4. December 30, 2008 6:04 am

    Well Tam, I don’t know how to keep quiet lol

    Here’s the anti-thesis to your story:

    I was with two of my buddies and we were chilling out. When it was time to drop the guys home, we went to the first guy’s house, and we were warmly greeted by his mom. She had just baked steak (STEAK, people!) and offered us seats. We had the yummiest steak I’d ever had… and we had a glass of juice. Afterwards, I’d wanted something else to drink, and she plonked down some milk. I was appalled!

    I said, “I don’t want that!!!” My friends were mortified! The other guest started jabbing me in the ribs, trying to shut me up! I turned to him and was all like, “What are you hitting me for? You know I don’t like milk!” I argued for a good five minutes, I think. If we were white, my friends would be beet red with embarrassment…. and no, we were never invited in for lunch again!

    (My friends still tell that joke to this day – and it’s just one of them! I don’t get embarrassed easily…. can anyone say innocence 😉 )

  5. December 30, 2008 6:34 am

    Oh good gracious, Southern girls are taught so well, aren’t we? My mother and all her manners taught me the same darned thing. And so I put up with a LOT to be polite, to avoid hurting people’s feelings, to be liked.

    My husband wasn’t raised like me. So he has a different perspective. He calls it “walking on eggshells.” And he refuses to do it. I guess he’s a little like Bajanpoet – calls ’em like he sees ’em!

    As I’m sure you can imagine, we’ve had just a couple (thousand) arguments over this issue. But really, it’s one of the many ways we balance each other out, because sometimes you SHOULD put up with something to be polite. And other times you should speak up. But how to know when to do what??

  6. December 30, 2008 6:43 am

    blech. makes me nauseated just thinking about it. did you know you can intentionally buy sour milk at the grocery store in SA? yep. soured, nasty, chunky milk. ummm… no thanks.

    ::

    i endure a lot of things to simply avoid hurting someone’s feelings. i’ve been aware of that for a long time but only recently (yay for counseling!) realized that i’ve lived my entire life that way. even as a child, i stuffed the real me so as to keep the peace.

  7. December 30, 2008 6:45 am

    oh and PQ — i am master at walking on eggshells. i hate it. but i can do it without batting an eyelash. i think that’s actually what i hate most about it.

  8. December 30, 2008 6:48 am

    I’ve done this a lot in my life. But my question to you is: Did you gain any sort of taste for the buttermilk, or at least build up a tolerance?

  9. December 30, 2008 8:45 am

    Wow! Cool…sort of….story!! I’m not sure how you endured that.

    My husband was raised like that. To him, people watching is unkind. Me, on the other hand, well…

    My parents instilled those values as well. Be polite, but it’s ok to say no. We are trying to teach Mary that same thing. At Thanksgiving, we realized we need to work really hard on that since it’s a new concept for her. After everyone was seated at the table at my mother in law’s house, Mary announced that there wasn’t one thing on her plate that she liked. (insert googly eyes here since i don’t know how to do it) My husband was stunned. My m-i-l was stunned. I was stunned. I very quietly explained to her that Nana went to a lot of work and she needed to just eat. Then she did it at Christmas. A gift was delivered, she opened it full of anticipation only to find it was a Disney Princess gift. She quickly announced that she no longer likes Princess…

    We have work to do…

  10. December 30, 2008 8:57 am

    you wasted gallons of her buttermilk she could have saved for herself???

  11. heidi permalink
    December 30, 2008 9:37 am

    I’m not a huge astrology fan, but mine is LIBRA. I am a peacemaker to a tee.

    Like Alece through counseling, I am starting to find my voice.

    I have A million MILES to still go. I am only whispering still.

    (love you)

  12. December 30, 2008 11:43 am

    buttermilk?…definitely not a fan.

    Like Heidi said, I too am a peacemaker. I rarely speak up because I’d rather endure something than risk hurting someone else’s feelings.

    Plus, I love traveling internationally so I have to be culturally sensitive. Needless to say I’ve had to eat some really interesting things.

  13. December 30, 2008 12:51 pm

    Buttermilk is like high octane poison to my lactose-challenged digestive track.

    “are there things you endure simply to avoid hurting someones feelings?”

    Sometimes I say, “Great post” even when I don’t much care for it (usually because it hits a little too close to home).

    Great post.

  14. December 30, 2008 12:56 pm

    Are you going to offer a solution to this problem of people pleasing? I am a peace maker, don’t like conflict..although there is a line that i will fight…I have gotten myself in so many bad situations trying to please someone else. But Sweetie, you win the prize, there is no way I could have drank that buttermilk once without puking on her floor, and even if the alternative was getting beat..bring on the beating! hahaha I always was that kind of girl…in wieghing things out. Pleasing People is a trap I struggle with…if its possible for me to do it, I struggle as to whether or not I should.

    I need therapy..is Dr. Taminator open for appointments?

  15. December 30, 2008 3:20 pm

    I hated Buttermilk and my father loved it. The family rule was we had to finish everything that was put in front of you for dinner. My father’s family did live through the 1930’s depression.

    Two things I refused to consume were buttermilk and liver, which my father would have for dinner a couple of nights a week, after my mother died.

    I would sit at the table all night if necessary rather then eat liver or drink buttermilk. My father would always give in, usually after a couple of hours. My favorite word growing up was “No!”

    I have worked hard at learning to be more sensitive to other people’s feelings.

  16. December 30, 2008 5:43 pm

    ive just barely opened my laptop for the first time today. AND, right when i did my Oregon Ducks scored a TD – yay for blogging!!!!

    but….i think im gonna take a few extended minutes and watch the Bowl Game 😀

    i’ll be back later to chat with you all.

    and thanks for all your comments – sure love ya! really!!

  17. December 30, 2008 7:34 pm

    I just threw up in my mouth

  18. December 30, 2008 7:40 pm

    Buttermilk is wrong on so many levels. My grandpa always drank it (still does I think) when I was little and even then I remember watching it fall in clumps out of his glass….. *GAG*

    Yes there are things I endure simply to not hurt someone else’s feelings. Nuff said. 😉

  19. December 30, 2008 7:46 pm

    I thought I was a people pleaser until I read this post.

    No way. No how. I would have said “No, thank you.” Very politely, as my mother taught.

    I’m learning “No” is a lifesaver.

  20. December 30, 2008 8:05 pm

    just checkin in real quick. we’re about headin into the 4th quarter. we’re up 28 to 24. im a nervous wreck!

    be back later 🙂

    bran – “clumps”? EEEWWWWW!

  21. December 30, 2008 8:29 pm

    i endure very long phone conversations with my mother to hear all about her medications, her weeds in the garden, her trip to the grocery store, how long she was on hold with the nurse, and…..OMG ICAN’TTAKEITANYMORE

  22. December 30, 2008 9:03 pm

    No…none that I can think of. My husband didn’t smell our spoiled milk recently and downed a whole glassful. He didn’t taste it until after it went down….ewwww. My comment has nothing to do with your question….but your post reminded me of my DH. Poor guy. He went gagging to the bathroom afterward!

  23. December 30, 2008 9:12 pm

    i realized last night after i wrote this post that this is probably the reason why i dont like egg nog and other thick textured liquids. it all disgusts me.

    i have learned since that time, oh so long ago, how to politely be honest. and its been a very rocky journey too. there are times i have found when its ok to say no thanks, and other times where it just doesnt matter. its discerning them that is more difficult than anything.

    then there are the very obvious times where you just dont need to be a carpet for others to wipe their feet on. its my opinion that that is a disservice to you and the wiper. it accomplishes nothing and benefits no one.

    bottom line…its seems to always be tougher to do the right thing. or at least harder.

  24. December 30, 2008 9:31 pm

    yes, but I’m a people pleaser.

  25. December 30, 2008 10:03 pm

    sheese. arent “tougher” and “harder” the same words?

    im not here.

    the DUCKS won btw!

    amy – my husband used to be a people pleaser. so much so- there were several times he’d agree to things that put us, his family, way on the back burner. he spent years learning how to say no and standing up for what was more important. it wasnt easy – but it was worth it.

  26. December 31, 2008 6:13 am

    What on Earth is buttermilk? It sounds positively vile.

    Are there things you endure simply to avoid hurting someones feelings?No, life is too short…oh who am I kidding, of course I do I just think to myself that I shouldn’t because life is too short.

    There was that time where I stayed in the pub “just for one more drink” to not hurt the feelings of those I was with and that didn’t work out too well….

  27. December 31, 2008 9:04 pm

    You are nicer than me. I woulda said, “Lady, that is nah-STEE. But thank you so kindly.”

    And there you go.

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