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thursday swap – crucial encounter

May 20, 2009

todays swap is with andy from crucial encounter. for those of you who dont know who andy is you might wanna read this that he left on pimp my post last week. or just look at his header bar on his blog. his categories will tell you plenty about him. hes a genuine, passionate and funny guy who loves the Lord unashamedly. andy and his wife andrea are expecting a lil one this year! first time parents – lets give’em some encouragement ๐Ÿ™‚ get to know andy…you really wont regret it!

oh. and im over at his place today ๐Ÿ˜‰

*******************************************************************************

I was reading about the swine flu this morning.ย  *I read that in America there are 2600 reported cases which resulted in 3 deaths.ย  That means that under .01% of people infected by the virus will die.ย ย  After .03% of our population is even infected by the swine flu.

Because of the swine flu, theyโ€™re closing schools, landing planes saying not to ride the subway. (OK, that was Biden, but still)ย  The nation is in a panic.ย  Understandably so.ย  There is something wrong. The nation wants a plan.ย  We want to know what we can do to avoid it.ย  Is there something we can drink, a class we can take that will tell us what not to do?ย  How can we NOT get this HIGHLY contagious virus. (.03%)

In America, the divorce rate is 50%.ย  50%.ย  That means that either you or me are going to get a divorce.ย  That means, that by the end of my life, 1/2 of my friends are going to be married, and divorced.ย  That means 50% of my friends kids are going to have to go through that.ย  That means that every other car you see on your way to work today, is either divorced or will be divorced.ย  That means that there is something seriously wrong.

Why arenโ€™t we reacting to the divorce rate like we are the swine flu?ย  Why?ย  The numbers are higher.ย  You are about 1000 times more likely to get divorced than you are to get the swine flu.ย  Why arenโ€™t we asking the tough questions? How can we avoid this?ย  What can I do to make my marriage safe? Is there a class we can take?ย  Can I drink something (Or NOT drink something) to avoid this?ย  How do I make sure Iโ€™m not stuck in the โ€™stay together for the kidsโ€™ pandemic?

Where is the urgency for the important things?ย  When will we start to panic about the state of our relationships like we panic about the [media created] pandemics?ย  I urge you to pray about this today.ย  To pray about your friends and family.ย  I urge you to take the steps necessary to save and protect your marriage.

*My math isnโ€™t 100% accurate, but the numbers I pulled are from the interwebs, so there’s some truth to them.

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36 Comments leave one →
  1. May 21, 2009 1:27 am

    While there is some truth to what you say, Andy, the truth is also that there is life after both Swine Flu (for the overwhelming majority, currently) and for both partners and the children of those who divorce – it’s not a mortal sin many are all that afraid of. (some even go to the trouble of doing it several times over the course of a lifetime thus throwing the stats out a bit!) ๐Ÿ˜‰

    In fact, knowing Tam’s story from her childhood and of many others living in the world today (and a few who are sadly no longer living because the parents could not handle the pressures of marriage and kids – or the ‘failure’ of divorce and the family law courts who rule over custody) there are many cases where divorce is actually the ‘better’ option.

    i know that is hard for a good christian to hear or contemplate – but it is a sorry truth today – for millions of our fellow human beings.

    None of us would willingly choose that – we would much prefer to choose the ‘happy ever after’, or the ‘we can work it out if we just trust in Him’ versions for our own lives.

    But there are times when two individuals need to accept the fact they got it wrong and married for the wrong reasons.

    Staying married in such cases is probably not ‘for the best’.

    as ‘wrong’ as that might sound.

    I believe in order to reduce the divorce rate we need to reduce the marriage rate!

    Marriage is FAR too ‘easy’ to come by and hence far to easy to get rid of.

    It is not an institution we should enter into ‘lightly’ or on a whim (or lust) – whether we mean human to human or bride to Christ. The consequences of entering into either of those marriages are literally life-changing and need some SERIOUS commitments.

    Few today seem to follow that logic? Compared to the number who marry.

    i truly fear most of us today are not ready for the ‘discussion’ in all honesty. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    <B

    • May 21, 2009 2:21 am

      yo yo yo. Are you calling me a good Christian? watch what you say. ๐Ÿ˜‰ hehe.

      Thank you for the comment. I agree with what you’re saying. When I talk about divorce and ‘doing something about it’ maybe I should be more clear. I mean throughout a life time.

      I think it’s something that should be approached and talked about. Obviously I don’t think that divorce = fire, hell and brimstone. And I don’t think it’s cool to ‘stay together for the kids’. Just went through that. no thanks. ๐Ÿ™‚

      I do think parents should teach their kids about it and explain marriage to them. I had to ask my Father-in-Law 3 times before he agreed to let me marry his daughter.

      the first time he said I needed therapy. So I went. He was right. The second time I he said I needed couples therapy. So we went. He was right. The third time he said yes.

      We also need to remember to teach our kids, when things get hard, don’t bail. I Think a lot of people do that now too.

      But, seriously, what you said, I agree with 100% (unless you were calling me a good Christian).. I agree with myself 100% too!

      Thanks! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • May 22, 2009 8:58 pm

        you might just be a better Christian than you think?

        maybe it was the therapy? ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Parents certainly SHOULD talk to their kids about it (marriage) not so sure about the ‘sex’ part ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) GOOD parents most likely do to some degree. i imagine you guys will – perhaps with some embarrassment, perhaps not? ๐Ÿ™‚

        Trouble is – there are more bad parents out there than we want to willingly recognise – and they tend to have a lot of kids who grow up to be not so great parents. With ‘issues’.

        Hence the divorce ‘problem’.

        As you say in the post – it would be good if we started being a little bit more concerned with the major problems we already face daily rather than the potential ones we can do little to nothing about just yet but ‘panic’ over.

        Child abuse probably being one we should deal with immediately.

        Recognising it is the abuser living in the home, more than the pedophile living alone down the street, our kids are generally at a greater risk of.

        <B

  2. Heidi permalink
    May 21, 2009 4:44 am

    Marriage should be sacred. Divorce should not even be an option. I thought that way for years. I come from a divorced famiy and I saw how divorce effects kids. As a christian, I married under the “for now and forever”
    But as I became a leader and seen friends go through some horrific ordeals in their marriages and struggled in my own 20 year marriage. I realized even as a christian, that divorce has to be an option, maybe not the first, but there.

    There are many women and men whom are living in abusive marriages in sake of Christianity,kids, and economic statuses.

    I believe that our our stance should be, Keep the marriage sacred, pray like no ones businees, GET HELP and find your accountability, but if you need to get out and step away DO SO today.

    But mostly:

    We need to pray and pray some more like no ones business for the marriages of today.

    It’s harder than used to be.

    • May 21, 2009 4:56 am

      Amen sister!

      I am starting to think that I worded this post wrong….. ๐Ÿ™‚

      I really do believe that, and I think that sometimes divorce is the ONLY option…

      AHh well. Maybe I should reconsider my post.. Maybe Tam will let me post again another Thursday. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. May 21, 2009 5:12 am

    Let’s start with statistics: “50% of marriages end in divorce”. Go here and read this: http://www.divorcerate.org/.
    As <B pointed out, that is marriages not couples meaning some of these are people who have been married multiple times.

    Now we could discuss marriage and divorce from a secular point of view or from a sacred point of view. From our own logic or from God's.

    This is an interesting article that I read at John Piper's site some years ago.
    http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TopicIndex/135_Divorce_and_Remarriage/1488_Divorce_and_Remarriage_A_Position_Paper/

    I agree with previous comment that if we treat marriage casually we will treat divorce casually.

    The one truth that I have learned about marriage is that I have to be willing to fall in love with the person that my wife is today. She is no longer the 17 yr old girl that I met in high school.. she is a married mother who is approaching 40… those two things are quite different. And there have been many changes over the years on her side and on my side. We have had to work together to rediscover each other and keep our love fresh.

    Love is life-long action… where lust is a fleeting memory.

    The rose bush only blossoms in its season but it takes many hours of effort and caring to give it a chance to do so.

    • May 21, 2009 8:20 am

      wow.

      Thank you.

      seriously.

    • May 21, 2009 11:07 am

      I have to say it again. Wow. This blew my mind today. I think you may have saved several marriages with that comment.

    • May 22, 2009 9:08 pm

      You and your wife’s husband probably need to sit down and have a man-to-man talk. Clear the air – for the sake of her kids ๐Ÿ˜‰

      You can thank me later ๐Ÿ™‚

      <B

  4. May 21, 2009 5:12 am

    My comment went to spam because I listed two URL’s in it… Tam Help!!

  5. May 21, 2009 5:16 am

    I love the comparison between the two. Interesting.

    I think the challenge is that we as a society have taken the act of marriage and made it just that…an act. Marriage used to be a commitment, a tradition, an exercise of your faith and an expression of your love for someone else.
    Now it has become an act. An act that people sometimes know can just be undone.

    Now, I will be the first to say, even under the pieces above, not all marriages end up good. And reality is, divorce needs to take place especially in cases of abuse etc.

    However, if marriage was focused on as sacred as it used to be, and not just an act, that divorce rate would drop. There would of course still be the necessary instances, but I would have to believe it would drop considerably.

    • May 21, 2009 7:30 am

      I wonder, why all the hype over the swine flu? Why are the important topics not brought up like this… Why is it more of a joke to people?

      Brittany Spear’s 10 minute marriage is notorious… Just sad isn’t it?

  6. May 21, 2009 5:32 am

    By the way….

    Should we bring in the book of Hosea as part of this discussion?

  7. May 21, 2009 8:58 am

    I didn’t immediately jump to the right or wrongs of divorce with this post… I love the idea of paying attention to where our focus is [and where the media like us to put our focus]. You’re right – we are in a panic about a flu that barely exists, but turn a blind eye to matters that affect every aspect of our lives. It’s like watching a magician’s trick… if our attention can be diverted, it’s amazing what we can let slip right under our noses.

    • May 21, 2009 9:01 am

      I love that you got this!

      Thank you!

      • Heidi permalink
        May 21, 2009 9:16 am

        Andy,

        I did get the post. I understood it completely, but after Love commented I felt open enough to share my beliefs on marriage.

        We do get “panicked” about life events. When there should be even at times.

        I love Sara’s perspective, (I always do). This post could be used for
        anything; love, marriage, kids, financial, and even ministry.

        Thank you!!!

        • Heidi permalink
          May 21, 2009 9:17 am

          oops..

          Should = shouldn’t

  8. May 21, 2009 10:12 am

    i love you guys! i love how anyone can come here and be safe. speak their minds, respectfully, and know that they will be heard and respected.

    you all have created this…thank you. you make me proud!

    andy, great job on this post!

    • May 21, 2009 10:44 am

      we, like, less than three you too!!

      .
      ..

      ….
      …..
      ……
      …….

      less than three = โค … I am told that makes a heart but it appears it is laying on its side if so. I am not sure what a heart laying on its side means except that whoever once had it is no longer very comfortable. So you tell me… is that a good thing or a bad thing to less than three somebody?

      • May 21, 2009 11:28 am

        tony, ive always thought โค looks like a womans chest and waist. kinda like barbie.

        i know. disturbing visual. just being honest.

        ๐Ÿ˜€

        • May 21, 2009 12:03 pm

          is Barby laying on her side?…. wait… I can’t ask that.

          • May 21, 2009 12:53 pm

            ya know, i thought about that. and, i suppose she would be. but more like from a falling over from the lop-sidedness. (not a word. i know)

            • May 22, 2009 9:14 pm

              Actually lop-sidedness IS a word; it’s a noun – go figure? ๐Ÿ™‚

              You is smarter than youse thinks ๐Ÿ™‚

              But i knew that!

              <B

  9. May 21, 2009 11:05 am

    I less than three you guys too!

    Your points of view and comments are great. A perfect match for me, because I can’t focus long enough to complete a thou……

  10. May 21, 2009 11:10 am

    Andy, I love the way you lined up the two situations. Whether or not your math is completely accurate (and I took Statistics – numbers can be made to say anything!) isn’t as important as taking a moment to think about what we react strongly to. What we focus on. What we get freaked out about. What we work hard to fix.

    Good thoughts. Thank you!

  11. May 21, 2009 11:23 am

    I recently read an article called “The Will To Disbelieve,” in which the author makes a case similar to your own, but references iron-curtain communism as an allegory. Even when Communism was failing miserably: people waiting hours in line for a loaf of bread, delinquent students, hospitals in ruins, etc., the best and brightest in the US refused to believe the statistics. The academic elite across the US still insisted that Communism/Socialism was the wave of the future and could only better the lives of humanity.

    The same can be said for the sexual revolution. The “liberating and healthy” sexual freedom STILL espoused by academia, media, and the ruling class in America, are CHOOSING to disbelieve the negative statistics, on which, you’re 50% divorce rate belongs. Porn, Divorce, infanticide, domestic abuse, std’s are the result…why then are we fed the line day in and day out that the ethos of the sexual revolution is still transcendent? i just don’t get it.

    A document called Humanae Vitae predicted the state of America today back in 1968 with bone-chilling accuracy under the assumption that the attitude of the day would remain prevalent.

    Great Post!

    • May 21, 2009 11:42 am

      whoa. you’re smart.

      Let me say thank you for your compliment. And…. just wow… See. the thing about being me, is I’m not as smart as you guys.. so it’s humbling to sit here and listen to Everyone’s comments.

      Thank you all!

      • May 21, 2009 12:52 pm

        dont sell yourself short, andy. you are very smart. you got this whole thing rolling ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • May 21, 2009 1:29 pm

        that comment by you just summed up how i feel about almost every blog conversation i have. i try to stick in my 2 cents and then just sit back and watch smart people talk about it. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • May 22, 2009 4:32 am

        Yeah, don’t sell yourself smart…I spent some time over at your blog. I just happened to read that article recently and was able regurgitate.

        Your humility is makes your message even that more credible.

        I am glad you approached a subject not many people (including me) have the guts to discuss!!!

  12. May 21, 2009 7:36 pm

    WAY to say it. Amen.

  13. May 21, 2009 8:49 pm

    Good food for thought! Thanks!

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