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sleep? what is that?

June 16, 2009

sleepless nights. i have grown quite accustomed to them. not so much cuz im restless or achey or anything. but because i sleep with the loudest snoring man on the face of this planet!

i, might, get 4-5 hours of sleep a night. solid sleep.

this is the nightly routine…

brent typically falls asleep first. i keep the tv on for a bit to drown out the 1st stage of the snoring. and if i keep the tv just at the right volume it’ll cause brent to stir, ultimately delaying the dreaded 2nd stage. the hope is that i’ll fall asleep while the tv is on. but…most nights, that is not the case.

eventually i grow too tired of the tv and it goes off. i roll over to my right side, take a deep breath and prepare for the deep, gravelly groan intermixed with a high pitch whistle and a snort here and there just for comic relief…otherwise, i could very well cause irreversible harm to that man!

i kick him, i shake the bed, i cough, i kick him, i get up to pee, i kick him.

he stops.

within the first 23 seconds i am falling fast asleep. finally! i get to sleep too! then…it happens. he rolls over, hugs me and says…(prepare yourselves for this irony)…

“i hope you sleep well.”

are you kidding me??!!!?!?! “i hope you sleep well”??? is that some kind of cruel joke?! ive been laying here for 3 hours praying that you would pipe it for one. single. minute. so i CAN sleep. and you wish me well?

oy.

and just so your ears may be assaulted too. i give you…my life.

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101 Comments leave one →
  1. June 16, 2009 11:43 pm

    God only ever made ONE ‘perfect’ man!!!

    i am still available – but ya gots to be quick! πŸ˜‰

    i would advise searching out professional help – that don’t sound healthy for EITHER one of you! 😯

    <B

  2. June 16, 2009 11:49 pm

    P.S. – it is a known fact that sleep deprivation can kill you quicker than food deprivation can! – there is a reason sleep deprivation is used to torture people.
    It breaks down their ability to function properly (such as hide truth from those who want to force it out of you against your will/better judgement).

    Total sleep deprivation can kill YOU in two weeks or less… partial sleep deprivation mainly makes you feel like killing the person(s) responsible!

    Snoring is unnecessary and solutions are available – praying you (Brent) find one that works soon!

    <B

  3. pokinatcha permalink
    June 17, 2009 1:21 am

    Oh my, I feel for you!

    My husband snores & grinds his teeth. I kick, hit, push, shake and yell at him to stop all the time to shut up! I\’ve told him when all the kids move out (not for another 12 yrs!) we will have separate bedrooms! Nothing sounds worse than grinding teeth! As we speak he\’s asleep on the couch grinding his teeth……aahhh!

    • June 17, 2009 8:15 am

      see, now i usually move to the couch cuz brent often times has a kink in his back or something and the couch would def. make it worse. i dont sleep all that bad on the couch either, so its not that bad. but i wait toooo long to go out. by the time im settled in the L.R. im wide awake and it takes a lot of time to fall back to sleep. thankfully, 9 out of 10 times, brent wont hear me leave the room.

      does your husband wear a guard for his grinding? i heard that is really bad on teeth?

      • June 17, 2009 8:19 am

        This from the wife—ie Dental Tech

        Grinding of the teeth will flatten your teeth, which means they will crack more easily. It puts stress on the ligaments around your teeth that can lead to pain and lock jaw. Also, if your teeth crack and food gets in there, ya might as well make an appointment to get falsies, cuz you’re done.

        Awww, nothing like my wife coming to brighten the day. Better get a mouth guard for that guy :-).

      • pokinatcha permalink
        June 17, 2009 10:05 am

        Nope, he’s been told about the mouth guard. He really grinds his teeth hard too. He’s been under a lot of stress & I think it’s been worse. I honestly don’t know why he doesn’t get a guard. I’ll try & record his teeth grinding. He doesn’t believe me that he has a problem!

  4. June 17, 2009 1:42 am

    Oh, I laughed so hard I about wet myself.

    I am currently PRAYING that my wife does not see this post and get any ideas. I\’m told that my snore is quite annoying, but I\’ve yet to hear it.

    Poor Brent…..get the man a snore mask! Do they make those?

    • June 17, 2009 8:16 am

      we have laughed at this so much! i wasnt laughing the night i recorded him – but its funny now. i have 3 1/2 more minutes of this stuff! πŸ˜€

      • June 17, 2009 8:45 am

        I want to hear all of it. THIS WAS FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!!

        I wish you could have seen my face listening to this! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

  5. June 17, 2009 3:10 am

    Oh wow

  6. June 17, 2009 3:39 am

    In my house it is the flip….my wife is a loud breather more than a snorer…drives me crazy.
    every once and a while I cannot sleep through it (i start thinking about it) and I just pick up and move to the couch for a night of quiet.
    But then I get in trouble…..wife always asks the question…Why did you leave? How do you answer that?

    • June 17, 2009 8:19 am

      i know the feeling. i feel bad when i go to the couch too cuz i know brent is gonna feel bad about it. thats part of why it takes me so long to finally move locations. but if i stay in bed…hes not gonna sleep good either cuz i’ll be kickin him and tellin him to move and all that stuff – thats no fun for him.

    • June 17, 2009 7:21 pm

      Joseph – by telling the woman you love THE PAINFUL TRUTH!!!

      with as much compassion as you are capable of mustering while still ensuring she FULLY understands the significance of her (unconscious) actions.

      Suck it up, Big Man! πŸ™‚

      i said it before – snoring is UNNECESSARY – solutions DO exist. The hardest part is getting the snorer to accept it actually IS a HUGE problem!

      ( just not to them mostly, obviously, unless breathing stops – as in sleep apnea).

      <B

  7. June 17, 2009 3:45 am

    Oh dear! I am so sorry and I hate to laugh, but that was a hilarious post! I will pray for sleep for you!!!!

    • June 17, 2009 8:20 am

      girl, its okay. it IS funny! fortunately, lack of sleep is like laughing gas to me, so i think the post is humorous too πŸ˜‰

  8. June 17, 2009 3:49 am

    I think you did a great job of setting that up Tam – the printed word fit the audio perfectly.

    I’ve been waiting for Diane to think my snore is bad enough that it needs rectification…

    • June 17, 2009 8:21 am

      diane needs to record you, david. i have to hear you snore and see if it has an accent πŸ˜€

  9. June 17, 2009 3:50 am

    My Mom would fall asleep in her chair everynight about 8ish(Still does), and start snoring so loud you could hear her in the front of the house. That plus the volume of the TV, after my Dad turned it up to hear it over the snoring, made it hard to stay downstairs. When we did though and Dad would nod off, we would pretend we were riding motor cycles as they both snored… What else could we do?

    As for Brent and you sleeping. Duct tape works wonders, just leave the nose uncovered… πŸ˜‰

    • June 17, 2009 8:23 am

      you certainly made the best of it. thats funny! i’ll turn up the tv too sometimes but it frustrates him. my goal isnt to frustrate him – only to quiet him. i feel bad for him cuz i know he feels bad 😦

  10. adam permalink
    June 17, 2009 4:41 am

    i feel you. sleep is like that weird relative that only comes to visit a short time and when they leave you feel tired.

    hope it all works out.

  11. Jim2 permalink
    June 17, 2009 5:14 am

    Sasquatch lives! Maybe if you have Discovery channel come out to do a documentary, the proceeds will allow you to find a surgical way to correct that problem. I have no room to speak, my snoring is loud enough to wake ME up, but so far, a well placed elbow will get me to roll on my side which quiets it long enough for her to get back to sleep.
    It doesn’t get any better as you age – just thought I’d add that tidbit of encouragement

  12. June 17, 2009 5:29 am

    oh. my. lanta.

    i’m with love! maybe some professional help???

    thank GOD hubby doesn’t do that… and if he does, i’m basically the heaviest sleeper in the world, so i don’t know it.

  13. June 17, 2009 5:32 am

    um…you PROMISE that wasn’t a sound effects machine?

    just askin…

    • June 17, 2009 8:26 am

      i promise. ive got more recorded too πŸ˜•

  14. Heidi permalink
    June 17, 2009 5:35 am

    I’m in the same boat. Try nose strips. They work for awhile and you can pick up at Wallie world.

    Earplugs are sold there too. πŸ™‚

    • June 17, 2009 8:26 am

      i think im gonna pick some nose strips up. why do they only work for a while?

  15. Elaine permalink
    June 17, 2009 5:42 am

    He should totally be checked for sleep apnea. Seriously. Both my husband and I have it and so do the kids! http://www.sleepapnea.org/info/index.html

    • June 17, 2009 8:27 am

      we will eventually do this, im sure.

      thanks for the link!

  16. June 17, 2009 6:20 am

    Oh my goodness. I assume Brent KNOWS you have put this on your blog?!? I could only listen to a few seconds before I had to turn it off; I was laughing too hard for the office!!

    My husband snores a lot . . . but sometimes so do I. My issue is allergies. His is, I don’t know, being a man?

    But some of the other commenters are right – a lot of people who snore actually have health issues that, once fixed, stop the snoring. Maybe that would help?

    Because seriously, nobody should have to sleep with that. (The snoring, Brent – not you personally, I promise!!!)

    • June 17, 2009 8:28 am

      oh yes. he knows! he helped me get the recording off my phone πŸ˜€ he laughs harder at it than any of us πŸ˜†

  17. Heather B permalink
    June 17, 2009 6:21 am

    wow…that is so similar to my hubby’s snore! He ended up going to a sleep specialist… I got a white noise maker, ear plugs…he got to lose fifty pounds and a breathing machine! haha…
    Before the machine though, I used ear plugs and the noise maker…I would also go to bed first and get into good sleep before he got in the bed…that always helped! πŸ™‚
    good luck with that!

    • June 17, 2009 8:30 am

      ive thought about going to bed first, but im such a night owl. both of us are. i dont know that i could sleep with ear plugs. and i highly doubt ear plugs could possible drown out that noise 😯

  18. June 17, 2009 7:07 am

    I can’t see the video yet as my current network won’t allow streaming videos… but I am sure I know what it is going to be like. My wife has been known to hit, kick, kidney punch, scratch, bite, scream, and cry while trying to get me to stop snoring.

    None of that bothers me..(I was kidding about the scratching, biting, screaming, and crying… the other stuff she does.)

    The thing that concerns me, though, is this. I have been laying there still awake when she has elbowed me and told me to…. stop…. breathing! 😦

    • June 17, 2009 8:31 am

      ahahahahahaha!!!!

      im sorry. i shouldnt laugh at that.

      πŸ˜†

  19. June 17, 2009 7:21 am

    My hubs only snores when he lays on his back. He’s good about rolling over…thankfully.

    Brent sounds like my Dad. I don’t know how my mom ever got any rest. Maybe that’s why she used to clean & bake at 2 am…she couldn’t sleep!

    • June 17, 2009 8:32 am

      brent used to not snore on his back too, but he does now. i wonder if he slept standing on his head…..

  20. June 17, 2009 8:02 am

    It’s moments like these I’m ok with sleeping alone… πŸ˜‰

    My parents BOTH snore like moving trains… they are so loud you can hear them through the house, and one night we woke them up because we were all laughing so loud at them. It was like they were taking turns coming in for a song or something and my brother was conducting it like a symphony.

    There is NO WAY I could sleep next to it!!!!

    • June 17, 2009 8:34 am

      youre right. you CANT sleep next to it.

      but, really, does riley snore? brents parents used to have a beagle that out snored everyone. i had never heard anything like it before in my life. unbelievable!

  21. June 17, 2009 8:19 am

    David’s snoring I can more or less handle.

    It’s the mad thrashing about like he’s trying to swim on the bed that’s the kicker. Or when he’s being chased by a giant doughnut.

    πŸ™‚

    • June 17, 2009 8:24 am

      You just won’t let up on the donut will you… πŸ™„

    • June 17, 2009 8:26 am

      And of course, I’m commenting on Diane’s login since I just upgraded her iPhone to 3.0 and went and forgot to change the name…time for some sleep methinks…with one eye open to monitor potential recording…

      • Jim2 permalink
        June 17, 2009 8:53 am

        kinda makes me glad my wife doesn’t read this blog – I was recorded in college and the tape (yes, it was that long ago) was played in OT Theology class to make some sort of point – talk about embarassing!

        • Elaine permalink
          June 17, 2009 12:43 pm

          Earplugs helped me before my husband got his CPAP. It didn’t make completely quiet, but it helped a lot.

          • Elaine permalink
            June 17, 2009 12:43 pm

            Oops! That should have been a reply up above. I just lol’d at this tho. That would be SO embarrassing.

    • June 17, 2009 8:35 am

      oh diane….you bring up something else…brent is a sleepwalker too! i’ll have to share some of those stories some day. maybe a vlog will do that more justice πŸ˜‰

      • June 17, 2009 3:28 pm

        Thankfully, I don’t sleepwalk.

        But I do dream … very vividly πŸ™‚

  22. June 17, 2009 8:37 am

    Just for clarity, I completely approved of tammy putting this on here and I laugh hysterically every time I hear it.

    2 things we are going to do immediately are…

    #1 get my weight down another 15 pounds. I tend to snore less to very little when my weight is down
    #2 no drinks before bed. Some people have ice cream, some people like cake and cookies, I like a glass of scotch or whiskey before bed. No more…

    Down the road if these things don’t help, I will look at medical involvement, but I believe these two things will help as they have in the past.

    Now, I need to go read tam’s “healthy eating” post…

    • June 17, 2009 8:40 am

      i love you. a ton ‘o bunch!

    • June 17, 2009 8:45 am

      LOL…Ria says that maybe Tam should try the scotch before bed….LOTS OF IT….then maybe you’ll sleep through the noise :-).

    • June 17, 2009 10:26 am

      my brother even tried surgery, that didn’t really help much, but he notices a HUGE difference if he drinks or eats big before bed.

  23. June 17, 2009 8:45 am

    un-freakin believably funny!!! That was the hardest I’ve laughed all week!

  24. @gregghart permalink
    June 17, 2009 8:48 am

    on a totally serious note, you should have brent go to a sleep study and be checked for sleep apnea. i read the post about sleep deprivation can kill…but sleep apnea is even more deadly. basically he is not getting enough oxygen, this lack of oxygen will cause the heart to work harder than normal to provide oxygenated blood to the body. over time this will lead to heart damage and possible infarctions (heart attacks). he may possibly only need a mouth piece or at worst a breathing machine, called cpap, but in either case…both he and you can get a good nights sleep and be around to enjoy each other even longer.

    • June 17, 2009 8:53 am

      im afraid thats what we’ll end up doing. i feel bad for him tho. 😦

  25. June 17, 2009 8:49 am

    dear lord this was the funniest post you’ve EVER done.

    and I want to hear more.

    • June 17, 2009 8:53 am

      you mean, you cant hear him from Minot, ND???

  26. June 17, 2009 8:50 am

    oh my. now, is this snore heard throughout the house? both of my parents have sleep apnea, and i remember going on trips as a family and praying that i would fall asleep because of the loud noise that i knew was coming.

    but apparently i am just blessed because Chad (my husband) doesnt snore…at all…one bit….ever.

    but i will pray for you…and laugh all at once. haha! That made my day btw.

    • June 17, 2009 8:54 am

      glad it made your day. im here to serve πŸ˜‰

      and, um, yes? sometimes you can hear it throughout the house πŸ˜•

      • June 17, 2009 1:55 pm

        i could get a hotel….or maybe you and i could go sleep at a hotel….wait that sounded funny, but you know what i meant.

        i will be sure to bring my ear plugs…just in case. it is heard throughout the house. haha!

  27. June 17, 2009 8:54 am

    hmm… maybe we should look in to getting you guys a hotel when you’re here? hehe πŸ™‚

  28. June 17, 2009 9:10 am

    hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

    oh tam.
    oh tam. I’m so sorry, but…

    hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

    (neil really did end up having surgery for this very same problem and it made about an 80% improvement in snoring, and a HUGE improvement in his respiratory health over all)

    • June 17, 2009 9:17 am

      sorry AND laughing???

      psh. whatev.

      πŸ˜‰

      so brent is gonna try a couple things first. if those dont help then he’s definitely going to the doctors!!!

      • June 17, 2009 9:22 am

        Dear Tam,
        did you ever know that you’re my hero?
        and everything I wish I could be?

        • June 17, 2009 9:34 am

          ahhh, THAT again. πŸ˜‰

          youre killin me, woman.

        • June 17, 2009 11:39 am

          Almost sounds like she’s the wind beneath your wings.. πŸ™‚

  29. June 17, 2009 9:14 am

    HILARIOUS!

    Pro tip: My wife had to start wearing ear plugs a few years ago… probably saved our marriage!

    • June 17, 2009 9:18 am

      i honestly dont think ear plugs could cover that up. also, i dont know if i could sleep with something in my ears. weird. but i guess, i might have to try it πŸ˜•

  30. June 17, 2009 9:26 am

    Brings back memories of the couple times I’ve slept with him πŸ™‚

  31. boffthewall permalink
    June 17, 2009 9:44 am

    BAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!! That is the funniest clip EVER!! I can’t believe you recorded him!! I REALLY hope i don’t marry a snorer…. πŸ™‚

    • June 17, 2009 9:45 am

      seriously…wives, like me, should compile a check list for women to interview their future hubs with.

  32. June 17, 2009 9:52 am

    Back up there, are you sure you didn’t record my Dad. I used to be able to hear his snoring from the living room when he was on the next floor up in the house. Crazyness!

    Poor both of you…that does not seem healthy.

    Perhaps it’s time to invest in a sofa bed or something so you can get a decent nights sleep Tam? Has Brent tried those nose patch things?

    • June 17, 2009 7:35 pm

      i actually sleep pretty well on the couch. its not my first choice, obviously, but when i have to – i dont mind. but its definitely not practical or healthy for a marriage πŸ˜‰

  33. June 17, 2009 10:11 am

    Wow. If I hadn’t known better I would have thought a rhino was mating with a duck. That is a seriously disturbing respiratory symphony. And utterly hilarious!

    • June 17, 2009 7:36 pm

      “seriously disturbing respiratory symphony”

      that made me laugh SO hard!!!

  34. June 17, 2009 10:21 am

    I am lucky that David rarely snores and I can wake him up and ask him to roll over and it is over. My dad snored way louder than Brent believe it or not. I could hear it every night even though I slept down the hall. At 50 he finally was diagnosed with terrible sleep apnea. He got this machine and no more snoring and the poor man sleeps. I don’t know why my mom put up with it so long. Personally I would make my husband go to the doctor and get it fixed or else! but that is just me.

    • June 17, 2009 10:27 am

      Oh and just to add another point to this. My father before the machine had never had a good night’s sleep. After his first night with the machine he woke up and couldn’t believe how good he felt. Can you imagine only being in a deep sleep for like a minute? So you should have it checked out for Brent’s sake too, it really may change his sleep for the better.

      • June 17, 2009 10:35 am

        The thing is, I very seldom have a bad night of sleep. i sleep through it. Often wake up in the same position. Feel refreshed and ready to go. The last couple of days I haven’t slept good, for a variety of reasons, but that is not normal for me.

        • June 17, 2009 12:04 pm

          Well that is good. So I guess only Tammy’s sleep is the one in the balance. Well, at least you have a very interesting snore. Definitely not one you hear everyday.

  35. June 17, 2009 10:26 am

    I remember hearing him from the LIVING ROOM!!! I felt so sorry for you… I still do.

    • June 17, 2009 7:37 pm

      girl, its worse now. i dunno what it is – but its worse.

      help. me.

  36. June 17, 2009 1:49 pm

    So I finally got to listen to the video… sounded like the mating call of a blue whale.

    I loved it as it almost made me fall asleep… maybe I will have to listen to it tonight before going to bed.

    • June 17, 2009 7:37 pm

      oh, youre a funny one now, arent ya? πŸ˜‰

      • June 18, 2009 8:19 am

        So is it his snoring that keeps you awake? Or is it your giggling about his snoring that keeps you awake?

        • June 18, 2009 8:56 am

          i only giggle over his snoring when im at the breaking point of goin crazy. ya know, when your eye starts twitching and gettin all wicked on you.

  37. June 17, 2009 3:11 pm

    GOOD LORD!!! I guess its a good thing you moved within city limits because someone might have mistaken that noise for some wild animal and taken a shot… or maybe I’m surprised no one has called animal control.

    • June 17, 2009 7:38 pm

      you are so stinkin funny!!!

      arent you glad we dont live next door any more 😯

  38. June 18, 2009 1:21 pm

    So … there’s no clip showing?

    hm.

    On my hubby’s computer so maybe it’s a blocker thing. I dunno.

    Sounds hysterical! My grandfather was a wake-the-dead snorer, and he also didn’t believe he was until he was recorded. haha. My hubby snores sometimes. Very softly. It’s actually cute kinda. He doesn’t sleep well generally, so at least I know he’s sleeping soundly when he’s snoring. I don’t wake up for anything, so once I’m out … I’m out.

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