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whats worked for us

July 30, 2009

i dunno why, but when me new friend calvin said this in his comment this morning “Yes, we’re all in this together! :D “, it made me think of the following post. so, beings i am re-posting this week…here ya go…

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i have asked you all many times for post ideas. most my posts are filed under community because this is what i consider a community blog. its your home too. so i wanta talk about what you wanta read about.

when i ask for post ideas i usually get a couple requests to write about parenting. and i shake my head. i wish you all could be flies on my wall instead. that would be so much easier.

but…im gonna try and list a couple things that i feel have been very beneficial for us as a family in raising the kids.

when they were young and i needed to communicate something important to them…maybe they were misbehaving and i wanted to make a point – i would get down to their eye level, look them in their eyes and speak softly. very soft. i always chose a soft voice cause i knew they would have to be quiet and focus that much more to hear me. it ensured they were listening. then, i would have them repeat what i said. having them do that put the responsibility on them – they knew what was expected of them because they repeated it back to me. therefor, they would have no excuse if they chose to disobey.

validating them. i have to remember they’re kids. they’re gonna think like kids. if there is something i view as silly or insignificant, but it scares or concerns them, then i need to respect that. i can’t belittle my kids for that because it is real to them. now…what i can do is walk them through a line of more rationale thinking and help paint a different picture if i think it is warranted and would be beneficial. otherwise, there are some things they need to learn on their own, in their own time.

we have always supported and encouraged things they naturally did well. their areas of giftedness, their interests. if it excited them – it excited us. kota went through a stage where he drew and made up stories for hours and hours every day. i have files, boxes, bags, poster boards tucked away of all his art work and “newspaper” articles. he came alive in these times. and when he’d want to show us his work, even if it took an hour, we’d watch and listen.

same with kass when she picked up the guitar in elementary school. she knew only 3 songs for the loooooooongest time. and that girl would strap her guitar on and follow me around the house like she was neil diamond serenading me. i’d go to the bathroom, she’d wait outside the door…still playing and singing “God is great! sing His praise! all the earth, all the heavens…” [flush]

now. what we didn’t do was stop everything all the time for them. yes, we invested a lot of time into the kids…we still do. and rightfully and gladly so. but there were, and are, also boundaries. i think kids need to know there are times when mom and or dad need some space. kids need space too. we need to have breaks from each other. if it’s not convenient to stop what youre doing to watch little johnny blow a snot bubble, cause thats his area of giftedness, then don’t. it’s okay to say, not right now – you’ll have to wait a minute. i think we are a generation of instant gratification. a generation of parents who dont want to hurt their kids feelings. which brings me to the most crucial thing brent and i have done…

we have been kassidi and dakotas parents before being their friends. it is my opinion that this is the biggest mistake a parent can make. truth is – you are your childs best friend. even if they don’t think so. you are the one who will say things to and do things for that kid none of their friends would. you are the one person who won’t stab them in the back. the one person they can, and should be able to, depend on. so i think we already got the best friend thing taken care of. be. the. parent. even if that means saying no or withholding a privilege. they will survive and so will you. doing otherwise is a disservice to you and them and their future.

oh my word count! i am SO sorry for the long post. im sure i could write a ton more. and maybe i will again. but please, please discuss, challenge, ask questions here.

what has worked for you?

what would you do differently?

(view original post here, with comments)

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. July 30, 2009 10:51 am

    I’m really flattered that you mentioned me haha. So thank you! 🙂
    And this was a great post yet again! I loved the part about you going to the toilet and she would still sing haha.

    I totally agree with what you said about how parents are already their child’s friend. Never looked at it that way but you’re right, my parents won’t leave me, backstab me, and they’ll tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear.

    I am far, far away from ever having kids right now, but I know in the future I will probably remember these tips. Thanks 🙂

  2. July 30, 2009 11:28 am

    Great parenting tips! I forwarded this to my husband for us to have for future use with our daughter.

  3. July 30, 2009 11:57 am

    I loved this post the first time and I love it now again.

    This shizz WORKS, because your kids are amazing.

  4. pokinatcha permalink
    July 30, 2009 2:21 pm

    I don’t think I’d change anything. I lobbied for my kids to get to do a lot of stuff that they wouldn’t have. I’ve been the heavy and the one hated the most. But really over the last couple of weeks I’ve seen a change & my older girls are talking to me. I mean like telling me who they have crushes on etc… A couple of months ago I thought they hated me! My oldest is engaged now & I’m excited for the next stage of life.

    • July 30, 2009 5:48 pm

      i cant believe you have a child old enough to be married. wow!

  5. July 30, 2009 3:17 pm

    Enjoyed this post the first time when I was a stalker and not a commenter. Or rather, a participatory member of the community 🙂

    But I’m still not a parent, so I don’t have lots to say…but I’ll know where to come when it’s time.

  6. July 31, 2009 8:20 am

    What a gret post! I love the idea of getting down on their level, speaking softly, and having them repeast it. Sure beats the stereotypical screaming down to, finger pointing, that often goes unheard 🙂

    This all reminded me of a great quote I heard the other day “You may not be the parent your kids want, but you are the parent they need.” Or why else would God bless you with their personalities and spirit?

    • July 31, 2009 9:48 am

      i love that quote. its so right on!

      parenting is a tough job – but it is SO rewarding 🙂

  7. August 3, 2009 9:17 am

    Thanks for this. Specially as we try to help our 7 year old football stud deal with a weight issue. Hard to keep him “lovin” us when he can’t have ice cream and brownies or even the crackers he loves…

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