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the “right” way

September 8, 2009

recently i had a long conversation with an author friend of mine, chatting about my book writing process. i told him its hard for me to write without thinking of including an angle that might help my words to be a “lesson” for others. in other words…i feel my stories should answer to any of your questions. when in fact, some dont even answer mine.

another thing i struggle with is assuming my way of doing things, or my way of getting through a traumatic process, is the right way for everyone.

what works, or worked, for me may not for you. but it certainly did for me, therefor it is valid and effective. but it may not be something you can grasp. and i have to be ok with that.

i say all of this, mostly as a reminder to me, but so that we all might remember we can not impose our ways of thinking or doing things onto other people. we have to be cautious of that. we also have to ask ourselves, if we find we are imposing…”why?” whats the motive behind it? what is driving me to feel i need to, or “someone else needs me to”, show them the right way?

maybe it comes from a place of…”i didnt get it right then, maybe i can help someone get it right now, in my place.” im not sure. all i know…is that when someone imposes, or enforces, their ways on me, or what they think should be done, i have a hard time responding well to it. so…i shouldnt do it to others. especially if i havent earned the right to do so. ive been there before.

just thinkin outloud here. things im learning the older i get. thought id share it with you. not to impose, tho. of course πŸ˜‰

13 Comments leave one →
  1. September 8, 2009 9:07 pm

    I heard something said once, not sure by whom, and I know I don’t have it exactly right but the jist of it was this:

    You can’t put your God given convictions on other people. God convicts people the way they need it, and it may not be the same as those He places on you.

    I think it’s the same with the way God equips people to handle things. Hearing someone’s story of how God helped them work through something is inspiring, but if God doesn’t work you through it in the same way…. it’s not bad, or wrong, and their way isn’t THE right way. It’s just the way God walked them through that time. He will walk you through yours differently. And that’s okay too.

    • September 8, 2009 9:29 pm

      yup. agreed!

      youre a smart cookie, blondie πŸ˜‰

      • September 8, 2009 9:44 pm

        mmmm, I am blondie no more. πŸ˜‰ Now I’m brownie. Not sure I like that. πŸ˜† Tomorrow I will (hopefully) be back to “hey red!” HA!

        • September 8, 2009 9:46 pm

          red is good!!! i like red. be red. go red!

  2. September 8, 2009 11:41 pm

    loved how you put your thoughts – i think the ‘rightness’ part can also be along the lines of – i made a mess of part of my life for a long time and it caused me pain – others are experiencing that pain and i think i have found out how to overcome it – if i can help others from feeling less pain that is a good thing and i should do ‘good’ things. the problem with that is – sometimes we have to feel the pain and find ( the same – or sometimes a different) answer for ourselves to better ‘learn’ the ‘answer’.

    i still can’t help but feel like reducing the amount of pain humans feel though – even knowing what i now know.

    it took me many, many years to become aware that not everyone else thought quite the same way i did. ( i remember feeling quite shocked by this).

    it took a few more years to realise this was ‘ok’ – in some cases πŸ˜‰ (and sometimes resisting the urge to put them out of their and my misery) πŸ™‚

    it took a few more years before i realised some ways of thinking could actually, in some cases, even be better than mine (so i chose not to want to rule the world anymore).

    i’m still struggling with full ‘acceptance’ of that fact.

    I expect to struggle with actually being able to co-exist in harmony with ‘others’ for a while yet – sadly.


  3. September 9, 2009 5:52 am

    this is something that’s kinda tough for me. i have a little running joke with my friends, where i call myself the ‘smother mother supremo’. at least they’re nicer about it and call me ‘life coach’…. they’re prolly thinkin’ the other one. πŸ˜‰

    i care for people. and i want to see them succeed. and when i see a friend or relative going through something they could avoid (if they would just take my advice! πŸ˜‰ ), then i literally have to fight the urge sometimes not to but in and to just let them learn their OWN life lessons. i have to remember that they’re path may be crossing mine, but i don’t know where it’s going. God does. and HE knows the lessons they need to learn, the roadbumps they need to cross.

    part of this, for me, comes from a regret that i did not learn from someone else’s mistakes a while back, and made huge mistakes of my own. but sheesh. i’m only 25 (i still hate that number…), and it’s not like i’ve got the whole world figured out. but then again, the other part is just that compassionate side that wants to help people figure out a smart, good-for-them way through certain situations. i’m talking from divorce to simple financial planning.

    • September 9, 2009 5:55 am

      that last line sounded like an advertisement for my life coaching services. “for just a small monthly fee….!”

  4. September 9, 2009 5:55 am

    I know this is lame (I should write my comment out – sorry), but if you have a moment would love for you to take a glance at some writings I did before I fell off the blog wagon (mom who-ha has me over the top scheduling wise, and I’m taking classes to keep my teach cert active – am crazy busy):

    xoxox, Roxx

  5. September 9, 2009 2:53 pm

    Tam’s new series : Lessons on being an effective leader.

    Part 1 is goooood stuff.

  6. September 10, 2009 5:24 am

    i don’t think you’re much one to impose…but, when I read a book, I don’t mind if the author is arrogant, pretentious, forceful with their ideas, imposing, etc., I mean…I bought the book? Can they really be imposing their views on me if I sought them out? Solicited advice is MUCH more palatable.

    but at some level, i find the political correctness of “we’re both right!” (even though we’re not) tiring. At some level, forceful opinion is necessary. If you and I get in a conversation on the theology i will try to convince you I’m right, but i’ll try not to impose…but if you and i get into a conversation on legalizing theft I will impose, because that’s not open for discussion.

    Anyway, all that to say…i wouldn’t worry about coming off as too forceful, instructional, or arrogantly correct. look forward to reading the book someday!

  7. September 11, 2009 7:48 pm

    We’ve talked about this before, but I think the beautiful thing about your story is that it’s YOUR story. Tell it from your heart, your perspective, and tell what you learned through it… each reader will take something different away from it, as it should be. They will read and God will speak into their heart in a way they can hear… all you have to do is write the words He puts into yours.

    Love you. And am so proud of you. Now go write your story. πŸ™‚

    • September 11, 2009 7:58 pm

      yes ma’am.

      ive been writing. ive been challenging and pushing myself to write better too. not so much grammatical…you know me πŸ˜‰ but ive been goin for it. its been great, gitz!

      love you so much!

      • September 12, 2009 5:10 pm

        That’s awesome, sweets! I’d be happy to go through and capitalize your sentences and fix punctuation for you πŸ™‚

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