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a simple, thank you…

November 29, 2009

this weekend my pastor brought up the fatherless in his message… the kiddos whose dads are absent. dads can be absent for a number of reasons. they could be away at war. they can work long hours. they could have walked out on the family. they could have died. they could be right there in the home for all hours of the day and still be absent.

i started thinking about all these different scenarios and my heart broke. i know ive written about this subject before…but its because its very near to my heart. im a product of an absent father. he bailed on me. not once, but multiple times. as if once isnt enough of a crushing blow. he bailed when i was 3, again when i was 16 and once again when i was 26. he pretty much covered all the crucial ages there.

this weekend my husband, brent, demonstrated what a loving father looks like. and its funny…he didnt do anything to or for the kids – he did it for me. you see…ive been sick and laid up for a week. i twittered late saturday night that i was craving pizza and cotton candy. brent saw that tweet and immediately got on the phone with my favorite pizza place and ordered me the best pizza in town. on his way to pick up the pizza he made it his goal to find me some cotton candy. he eventually did. at the 7-11. he got the last bag!

i looked at our son and told him to take notes. i looked at my daughter and told her she better find someone like her daddy and not to settle for less. she said, “Oh i wont settle, mama!”

brent, thank you for caring enough for your children to show me love like you do.

when you hug me – you embrace your childrens hearts.

when you say kind words to me – you speak life into your children.

when you walk in the door each evening – you prove to your family you’re committed.

when you engage in conversation with your kids – you show them they are valuable.

when you discipline your children – you prove you care.

when you pray over us – you show the love of God.

to say thank you seems so…small. but, thank you. from this little girls heart who so desperately wanted her daddy’s love – thank you for giving it to your children. thank you that kass and kota will never have to wonder if their dad loves them.

thank you.

52 Comments leave one →
  1. November 29, 2009 10:06 am

    Wow. I love you!

    • November 29, 2009 10:34 am

      thats the thing… i know that. even without the words. my heart knows that.

  2. Nicole Wick permalink
    November 29, 2009 10:09 am

    I love you and your precious family. Thank you for being such good parents. And Brent, thanks for loving my friend so well.

    • November 29, 2009 10:33 am

      we love you too, nicole. very much.

  3. November 29, 2009 10:13 am

    It’s so awesome to see you praising your husband like that. As a guy, let me say it’s necessary to hear these kinds of things.

    • November 29, 2009 10:33 am

      proverbs 3:27

      Do not withhold good from those who deserve it
      when it’s in your power to help them.

      its so important to praise when praise its due. it encourages our hearts. it cheers us on.

  4. November 29, 2009 10:22 am

    this is so so true. and the complete opposite was modeled to me in my own home, which breaks my heart. but God is redeeming even that by giving me glimpses into other families where it is done right.

    thank you, brent, for giving me hope…

    • November 29, 2009 10:30 am

      its so sad that these “absent dads” seemingly give no thought, whatsoever, to the lasting impressions they lay on the hearts and minds of their children. how their neglect can shape the values and experiences of their childrens futures. i wonder if they even care? so very heart breaking.

  5. Lynse Leanne permalink
    November 29, 2009 10:39 am

    Dang. I am wrecked. My father was there in being but had checked out emotionally for reasons I found out later. It hurts just as bad. But I never saw that example. Thankful for a husband that deals with my junk and gets the brunt of being fatherless.

    • November 29, 2009 10:33 pm

      ive thought about what it would have been like if my father wouldve been there, but “not”…and honestly…i think that would be harder. my heart breaks for you, lynse. it really does. im huggin you now. you feel it? 😉

  6. November 29, 2009 10:40 am

    wow. that is just beautiful!

  7. November 29, 2009 10:56 am

    very close to sobbing, but trying to contain myself. my dad died when i was 9. my children’s dad left 2 years ago. although he tries, they will not have a relationship with him. it is gut wrenching to watch!

    thank you, brent…for giving us hope. as women, as moms, as sisters. God, through you, is showing Himself faithful!!

    • November 29, 2009 10:35 pm

      sheryl, can we, i, do anything for you? i dont even know what “anything” would be. but if we could, id want to know. so please, let us know…

      and, im praying for you now, as a mama. God bless you!

  8. November 29, 2009 10:57 am

    Thanks, Tam… this really speaks to me too… Thanks Brent, for being the example I can model!

    • November 29, 2009 10:35 pm

      im glad it did, bajan… thank you.

  9. pokinatcha permalink
    November 29, 2009 11:13 am

    I would have been crying if you had written anymore! Beautiful!

    • November 29, 2009 10:36 pm

      well, what do i have to do to make you cry, woman???!

      i kid 😉

  10. November 29, 2009 11:21 am

    This is awesome, brought tears to my eyes.

  11. November 29, 2009 11:39 am

    That’s really cool and inspiring. and yet I find it so tough to imagine. I guess for the same reasons you said in the beginning – I’m the product of 1 absent father, 2 abusive fathers. I’m not over that – in fact I’m still in the middle of it. Hopefully one day I’ll get me some healing….

    • November 29, 2009 10:38 pm

      im sorry. my heart breaks when i read this. but i know how to pray for you more now.

      lovin you…

  12. November 29, 2009 11:49 am

    I think I get so frustrated for my friends who aren’t treated well by their husbands because I did have a great, loving example through my dad. I know it’s possible. And I know that no one deserves anything less.

    I love watching how Brent loves you. And vice versa. You are setting your kids up for success.

    • November 29, 2009 10:40 pm

      i hope so, gitz. theyve had a great example, in brent, to follow. its up to kota to emulate him now and for kass to measure boys against him. sounds tough…and it will be 😉

  13. November 29, 2009 11:51 am

    i keep thinking about all this, tam. and honestly, i can’t imagine being loved like this. i can’t. being fully seen and known, and then passionately loved for and in those things? wow.

    watching brent love you gives me hope that it’s possible. but i’m not there yet to believe that it’s possible for me.

    • November 29, 2009 11:58 am

      your situation is too fresh, friend. i can understand youd feel this way.

      after years of neglect and a failed first marriage that ended in suicide, i had no hope for me either. alece…first, you have to believe you are worthy of this kind of love (cuz you are!) then, dont settle for anything less. you deserve a man who will adore you fiercely and love in ways it gives ‘love’ a new definition!

    • November 29, 2009 12:35 pm

      ya know. i hope my comment didnt come across as insensitive. that certainly isnt how i meant it. all i know is there is hope. and im gonna hold onto that hope for you and pray to that end…

      i love you.

      • November 29, 2009 10:00 pm

        i didn’t take it as insensitive. at all.

        thank you for believing for me. even when i can’t believe for myself.

  14. Heidi permalink
    November 29, 2009 4:34 pm

    You are incredibly blessed woman.

    ……Incredibly blessed

    I remain hopeful EVEN in the absence I feel today; although he sits elbows away from me. BUT I fervently cling to the hem of my bridgroom for my completeness, joy, and strength.

    (although a hawaian pineapple pizza pie does sound delish)

    • November 29, 2009 10:41 pm

      hawaiian pizza always sounds good, heidi. come on! 😉

      love you, sis.

  15. November 29, 2009 5:02 pm


    Thank you, Tam.

  16. November 29, 2009 5:17 pm

    this precious post hit the bull’s eye of my heart this evening. my dad died when i was three and sometimes i forget the huge impact that is still having on me as a wife and a mom.

    my husband and i both enjoy following you and brent, and it is so apparent God’s grace and goodness abound in so much of what you two say and do. we have time and time again been encouraged and inspired by the love you guys have for one another and the incredible family you four are.

    thanks for sharing your life and love the way you do.

    • November 29, 2009 5:32 pm

      mandy, your words are a huge encouragement to me.

      im so sorry for your loss, friend. i cant even imagine that kind of loss.

  17. November 29, 2009 9:16 pm

    You’re setting a high bar there, Brent.

    But keep it up.

    • November 29, 2009 10:43 pm

      i think, in this area, no bar is too high.

      hes a peach 😉


  18. Brian Clayville permalink
    November 29, 2009 9:22 pm

    bawling, tammit!

    love you both so much… and SO privileged to call you friends.

    • November 29, 2009 9:23 pm

      um… oops… that was me. not brian, bawling… though i’m sure he’d tear up.

      • November 29, 2009 10:43 pm

        dangit. im laughing at all this!!!

        • November 30, 2009 11:35 pm

          you’re laughing at me crying? or at brian logging into my computer and forgetting to log out?

      • Brian Clayville permalink
        December 1, 2009 10:04 pm

        I was just reading this going, man I must of been sleep typing cause I don’t remember commenting on this post. Hahahahahahah! I almost did bawl though.

  19. November 29, 2009 9:54 pm

    oh, my heart!
    my eyes couldn’t hold back tears.
    i LOVE that he loves you so well.
    and it reminds me of how wonderful my own man is.
    i can’t wait to see him as a father simply because he loves me the way he does.

  20. November 29, 2009 11:59 pm


  21. Jennifer permalink
    November 30, 2009 6:11 am

    This post made my heart skip a beat and take a big gasp. My Dad has been absent emotionally and now physically from my life for the majority of it, but it is so amazing to see that there are men that show unconditional love to their families. The Lord is working on this girls heart on this very issue. I look forward to the day when the man I marry shows that depth of love like Christ shows us EVERYDAY. Thank you for this post…

  22. November 30, 2009 11:45 am

    I am abundantly blessed to have godly examples of both husband and father even now, under the same roof, on a daily basis.

    Though they don’t have opportunity to be those to our own children (none so far =), they are to numerous others who do also note and acknowledge it.

    I wouldn’t be who I am today without them, and I thank God for entrusting me to them (and vice versa =).


  23. Tobin Shack permalink
    November 30, 2009 12:10 pm

    Brent you da man! Way to set an example of father,husband and love!

  24. November 30, 2009 12:24 pm

    amazing post.
    i am in the similar place as Lynse. having a dad present but not there is a rough existence as a child, and now as an adult child. praise the Lord you and your kids have a man like Brent to show you our Father’s kind of love.

  25. Laura permalink
    November 30, 2009 12:50 pm

    Wow, thanks for sharing that with us, I saw that on Twitter the other night and was touched! Also thank you for sharing all your talents with us, I so appreciate it! Sometimes there is nothing like music to touch the soul!

  26. Brian Clayville permalink
    December 1, 2009 10:05 pm

    I am impressed. But really, couldn’t you have stopped with the pizza????? I am just not that resourceful late at night.

  27. December 17, 2009 11:27 pm

    Sobbing, my dear. I’ve have been encountering ‘not settling for less’ in my personal life these last few days. Dear God, there is so much pressure on me to fold. But I know the love of my father (and Father), and … I can’t. This is a hard night for me, Tam. Somehow I must get to sleep. I think from exhaustion. But it was good to cry. Perhaps that will help me.

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