Skip to content


December 9, 2009

tuesday afternoon brent and i did something we never thought we’d do. talk about sex. with another person.

in our bedroom.

yah, i know. awkward. but, not.

a couple weeks ago my friend chad let me know he had given a friend of his my name and that he’d be getting a hold of me. his name is craig from recycle your faith. craig and his wife are traveling the country for 8 months in search of people willing to talk about subjects that arent discussed often, if at all, in the church. well, at least that was our mission.

so we, brent, craig, his wife and i, sat in our room – lights, camera and action 😯 , and tackled some pretty good sex topics.

im anxious to see what craig ends up with. the video wont be ready til after christmas…but until then, i wanted to ask you all about sex.

do you feel it is addressed enough in the church? why or why not.

are you comfortable talking about sex with others? i dont mean dirty details of your own sex life, but a mature conversation about sex?

have you had “the talk” with your kids yet? did your parents talk to you about it?

feel free to talk about whatever comes to mind…

26 Comments leave one →
  1. December 9, 2009 4:03 am

    Well I don’t have any problems talking about sex – at least, not as far as I know… I’m pretty open-minded. Is it addressed enough in the church… oh heck no…..

    I remember being an early teen and asking my pastor if masturbation was wrong – coz I was doing it and I had heard what people said about it. Now, how many people would have felt the courage to do that? Now, what I want to know is – why should a question like that have to require courage in the first place???????

    People need to be free to be themselves – God loves authenticity, right? The way I see it, if it was not such a taboo subject, the young ones would have a healthy respect for it and would have less cause to want to experiment. Everyone wants to gravitate towards the one thing that is forbidden, because it is forbidden…. take away that lure and it will avoid the temptation to see what it’s about because it’s hidden.

    Ooooh! First comment!!!! πŸ˜†

    • December 9, 2009 8:14 am

      exactly. this was a lot of what we talked about.

  2. Heidi permalink
    December 9, 2009 6:37 am

    No… some churches don’t talk about it enough.

    I wish sex wasn’t taboo. It’s sex, okay a natural function between adults. I just had to have a “condom” talk with my 16 yr old. I was uncomfortable and stuttered and stammered as I passed it to him at a local Starbucks.

    But I had too. No one in my household would have.

    Many people who will read this will raise an eyebrow at me or may even judge me. But here’s the thing. I TOTALLY TRUST my son, but I DON’T trust his girlfriend. If he gets stuck or in a sticky situation. I want him to be prepared. Do I support sex before marriage.. HECK NO.
    But it happens and I would rather be handing my son a condom then discussing teenage pregnancy.

    I pray each and every day that my son thinks and HONORS God. That the condom will age in his wallet. But I also want to be there for him if he runs into trouble. This era is alot different than the one I grew up in. Responsibilty is important.

    • December 9, 2009 8:15 am

      i bet that was a difficult thing for you to do. even with the reasoning, i cant imagine it was easy.

  3. December 9, 2009 7:10 am

    Well, I guess I’m a baby. Because I am NOT comfortable talking about it! I should be, I know that. It’s natural, God-created and all that. I get it. But I also get very uncomfortable and embarrassed when the topic actually comes up. Maybe that’s childish, but it’s my honest answer!!

  4. December 9, 2009 7:37 am


    Tell us when the vid goes up!

  5. December 9, 2009 11:13 am

    sex. i love to talk about it. but as of the moment…my sex life is non-existent…extinct… but uhhmmm….as a single mama…all i have to say right now is…NO SEX TILL UR MARRIED!!! LOLOLOL

    • December 9, 2009 11:25 am

      ha! i love you, girl!

      • December 9, 2009 4:16 pm

        Right there with ya. Single 25 yo here…not a virgin, working in a pregnancy crisis centre, trying to avoid sexual intercourse until my wedding night (if I ever get married).

  6. December 9, 2009 1:21 pm

    I never had any conversation with any adult about sex growing up. The result was it took my a long time to learn the difference between lust (hormones) and love (the heart). I was just lucky I never became a father, as far as I know, or caught an STD.

    Young people will talk about sex, if not with there parents, then with their peers. Parents had better make sure there kids know the facts, which requires being completely open and honest. No topic should be taboo, especially masturbation, as an alternative to the risks of pregnancy and STDs.

    • December 9, 2009 9:49 pm

      thats a must needed charge to parents. we, indeed, better make sure our kids are equipped with all they need to know. i wasnt…and we all know where that got me πŸ˜•

  7. December 9, 2009 1:50 pm

    Do you mean is sex, one of the best and most wonderful gifts of God, is addressed enough at church?


    Worse still, sex as it relates to our joy, by far not.

    I am now teaching and walking through with my 7 year old son about relationships, girlfriends, holding hands, kissing, hugging and all those things. He sees a guy trying to kiss a girl whom he has no prior relationship and exclaims, “That’s not right!”. I will pushback and ask, “Why is that not right?”. My son responds, “Hmm, I don’t know.”

    That gives me the window of opportunity to speak into my son’s life about the fullness of joy which is in the presence of God alone.

    Those talks will developed into about longing, lusting and loving. We will talk about porn. We will talk about sex.

    I will always point back to God because I don’t want my son to simple do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. I want my son to run and yearn for the greater joys that are in God alone and the good things he has given us like beer, wine, sex, friendships, love, holding hands, hugging, kissing and not settle for “making mudpies in the slums” that are the lesser joys that are found in things like pre-marital sex and porn.

    I cannot wait to teach him about friendship, companionship, commitment and the intertwining of souls.

    I used to work in porn so no, I have no issues having mature conversations with anyone about sex. Just like with my son, I love every single opportunity to walk with others about good gifts from God above.

    • December 9, 2009 9:33 pm

      “I don’t want my son to simple do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. I want my son to run and yearn for the greater joys that are in God alone”

      right on! amen! well done and said!

      i love that. that is a rule brent and i have set for ourselves when guiding our children. dont say its wrong because mom and dad do…KNOW why it is. believe it for yourself. know that your guidance in all matters and reasoning must line up with God. so crucial!

  8. December 9, 2009 4:12 pm

    I talk about sex a lot working the job I do. When teenagers at church find out what I do in my ‘normal job’ you find yourself into some very interesting conversations about sex, peer pressure, teenage pregnancy, abortion….

    I didn’t get ‘the talk’, I looked it up in books at the local library! We got the sex education programme like all other 10 years in Scotland during P6 (equivalent to fifth grade). But I’m glad that for the most part, it was talked about fairly openly in our household. That helped make things more natural and not as scary or embarrassing. The only thing that I wish my Mum had done was tell me what things meant instead of laughing then refusing to tell me when I heard a word and didn’t quite get it’s meaning. Or people not answering ‘the silly questions’. That lead me on a bad path to find out from my peers through curiosity and not wanting to seem stupid and unknowledgable.

    • December 9, 2009 9:29 pm

      i am so glad you do what you do. youve got a great head on your shoulders, a huge heart and a great deal of compassion. thank you for taking it all on. youre needed, girl…a lot!

      • December 10, 2009 1:25 pm

        Yeah, I kinda want to put myself out of a job, but then, even in pre-Jesus times there was a whole ton of pregnancy crisis stuff. And first occupation mentioned in the bible? Midwifery. Although some argue gardening is the first…

  9. December 9, 2009 6:21 pm

    I strongly believe that Sex needs to be talked about, by the Church and by parents. Since this doesn’t happen as often, people take as a rule bad representations of what Sex is, they believe a corrupted definition of sex which ends up messing up their relationships in general…

    Sadly, I was not presented with the right view of sex and have had to walk the harder path on understanding the real definition of it.

    • December 9, 2009 9:27 pm

      “they believe a corrupted definition of sex which ends up messing up their relationships in general…”

      yup. so true!

      and, like you, i was not taught about sex in a healthy way. add to that the many times i was sexually violated as a child and that is, or could have been, a recipe for disaster.

      funny how sex can be so serious, yet so amazingly beautiful. maybe our culture needs to find that middle ground?

  10. December 9, 2009 9:08 pm

    Unfortunately, I don’t think the church probably talks about sex enough. Still today, when sex is usually talked about, it’s almost always in the same sentence as “no”, or “to have children.” These are fine ways to talk about sex, but it tends to give Christians an unhealthy view of sex.

    God created sex, and in Genesis, when he tells Adam & Eve to “be fruitful and multiply”, it sounds like a pretty positive thing to me. Unfortunately today, most kids hear about sex from pop culture, and they hear over and over every day that it’s good, but within a horrible context and that they should probably start doing this when they’re twelve, just so they don’t miss out on anything.

    I think that too many times churches just cram sex into the Dirty Little Secrets box that we don’t talk about, because we truly don’t know how to handle it. Then every time I hear a churchgoer talk about sex with “that tone” (you know the one), I want to scream “you know there’s a whole book of the Bible devoted to that and it’s awesomeness, don’t you?”

    So I guess I would say no, I don’t think sex is talked about enough in the church. I am however, old enough to carry on an intelligent conversation about sex with only a few giggles…usually πŸ™‚

    • December 9, 2009 9:23 pm

      im seriously thinking we have enough great comments and thoughts here to write our own series on sex. jeremy…i agree with everything you said here. as well as the few giggles. πŸ˜‰

      so, i ask you too…what is our part in this? how can we change this?

      • December 14, 2009 7:12 pm

        I think it has to start with honesty, and correct teaching of the bible. I also think there are some churches and social groups that will never feel comfortable talking about this in the church, which is unfortunate.
        We have to start talking about it, and it could even start in youth groups. Sure, a lot of that is supposed to be taught at home, but I’m realizing that many of the teens in our youth group are getting no guidance at home, and certainly not Christian guidance, and so I think an honest dialogue based on the bible could go a long way. If we can educate young people with a healthy view of both sex and relationships, it will begin to build a culture in the church that will continue as they become adults and lead the church.
        Honestly, youth groups are in many ways leading our culture and churches now, and so targeting that group I think is a big help. Or, I could just be talking out of my rear-end. πŸ™‚

        • December 14, 2009 8:49 pm

          so i wonder what a group of youth leaders would say if confronted with this. you think they are already thinkin on those lines as well?

          • December 15, 2009 6:40 pm

            There’s an organisation in the UK (and others places in the world) called the Oasis Trust, and they do some fantastic training for christian youth workers in doing sex and relationships education in both church & secular context. a whole bunch of people at the pregnancy crisis centre I originally started volunteering at plus others did the training in September. It’s called ‘Esteem’.

            And if anything it’s great to have these chats in youth groups, as many young people will confide in and support each other within their peer group.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: