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a new season of friendships

January 4, 2010

this last weekend i thought a lot about friendships. the friends i have now and the friends ive had for years and the friends i used to have.

it was the ‘used to’ friends that flooded my mind. so many of them have been a blessing to my life. several have spoken much truth into me, personally, and into my family. they have challenged and inspired. i have, in turn, been able to be a positive in their lives as well.

we know that some friendships have seasons. and thats ok. especially if they were healthy. and if they werent, an ending season could be the best thing ever.

ive realized the last several years that many of my friendships who’ve met their seasons end – has been ok. sometimes friends arent friends with you, theyre friends because of you. maybe to get somewhere they wanta go. to achieve something personally. things ive not realized until they were over. im seeing it more. and im ok with it.

i cant count something as loss if it never truly was. but i can, and will, learn from it and take the good from it.

and now i can pour into the healthy relationships that exist presently. the ones that are reciprocal. who are friends with me, not because of me.

its that season in my life. i need to be okay with being on the receiving end of a friendship…i am learning to be…

how do you define ‘friendship’? is it something that you see ebbs and flows?

16 Comments leave one →
  1. January 4, 2010 6:29 pm

    Ebbs and flows… Definitely.

    I think that’s why some “friendships” feel more like sea sickness. Gentle ebbing and flowing is healthy, wild swings = violent sickness.

  2. January 4, 2010 7:33 pm

    tam, love your heart in this. I need to learn how to get here, and not hang on so tightly to “friendships” that are conditional and unhealthy. Putting Him above all is the way I can do that I suppose. Thank you for this, it encourages me to do the same. Pouring into the healthy relationships sounds really…… really……. good! 🙂 By the way, you guys in that last song this weekend made me leak.. it was beautiful!

  3. Heidi permalink
    January 4, 2010 7:59 pm

    This was so Godly put.

    I’ve learned some lessons on friendships lately….ebbs and flows. OH YES…
    One thing I’ve learned to depend on is What the Holy Spirit tells me about them. Will they be the one who suck the life out of me or fill my well with joy.
    I used to dive in deep like cool pool in the summer, but now I wade like the edges of my waves. Why? Because I rather have a few girlfriends that I can pray, edify, and do life with.
    RECIPROCRATE is an awesome word Tam!
    Even if I don’t speak, text, or call them often anymore. I want real friendships. Where that one text, call, or sushi date catching up will only take moments.
    Not ones that just fill my comment box or inbox.

    Guess I am growing up finally. Sometimes its lonely and even hurts. But the word of God says Guard your hearts Proverbs 4:23 and the wellspring of your life.”

    Knowing that my girls do just that makes me feel whole!

    Love you!

  4. January 4, 2010 8:07 pm

    Sounds very healthy to me Tam!

  5. January 4, 2010 10:41 pm

    I agree with everything everyone else already said. That is totally a cop-out answer but seriously…they are totally right on. Yay them. And yay you for writing this.

  6. January 5, 2010 4:46 am

    Just wrote about this as well…sort of…

    Friendships do ebb and flow I think but “true” friendships are around all of the time. True friendships being the ones that are there when you really really need them.

    I lost a couple of friendships this year which is tough. One on my doing, and the other because of some jealousy over my families success this year. (sounds a bit lame like that but there is a ton more to the story) I hate to lose friendships but at the same time I understand it is part of life and in every friendship or lost friendship there is an important lesson.

  7. January 5, 2010 7:31 am

    Hi. It’s me. So I’ve been thinking about this whole friendship situtation all day (since it is now 5:00 pm here) and I want to rethink my thinking. So what I have been simmering on is that there have been all different friendship seasons all throughout my life. There have been those who have carried me and those who I have carried in and out of the deserts. Sometimes those seasons seem horrible and sometimes they are lonely but coming out on the other side – we are solid and secure. There are others that are only accantences. Those who I thought were solid friendships and who I gave and gave and maybe they did too at times, but then nothing. So I chalk it up to “no chemistry” and when I see or talk to them, I love them, or try to but really -we just don’t know each other that well and I have to release my expectations. Sometimes there are people who surprise me the most. Those who I thought I didn’t have anything in common with or who I didn’t invest or give that much time to and in the end they invested in me and turned my whole world around with their love. So I don’t know if you are getting my heart on this, and I don’t know if there is a “formula” but I do think that it goes both ways and that friendships shouldn’t always be work – but they are worth a lot of hard work in the long run. I am only now at the point in my life where I have friends – real friends that I can say have been in my life for years. And that is sad.

  8. January 5, 2010 7:53 am

    i love you friend, thats all…

  9. January 5, 2010 12:44 pm

    what’s weird to me is how Facebook has turned the “seasons” on their ears. I wonder if I’m really supposed to reconnect with so many people that have been in and out of my life. For the most part, the old friends and classmates I’m finding have been a blessing – and catching up with them its own blessing. But still I wonder.

    I was also thinking that your tagline “until I’m done” is really a misnomer. Should read “until I’m dead” – don’t you think? (I’m not wishing you any ill will here – just realizing that we’re never done on this plane of existence…)

    • January 5, 2010 7:49 pm

      hi friend!

      actually, until im done does mean ‘dead’. done, meaning…all done here and have moved on to the beyond.

  10. January 5, 2010 9:16 pm

    With all this talk:) I had to post this for you to see…its kinda cool, helps with the whole change of season with friendships and all.

    Letting Go
    By:T.D Jakes

    There are people who can walk away from you.

    And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you:
    let them walk.. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into
    staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to
    see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

    When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never
    tied to anybody that left.

    The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made
    manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt
    they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

    People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not
    joined to you, you can’t make them stay.

    Let them go.

    And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their
    part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in
    your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead..
    You’ve got to know when it’s dead.

    You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something.. I’ve got
    the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in
    good-bye.. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know
    whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes
    too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.

    Let them go!!

    If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was
    never intended for your life, then you need to……

    LET IT GO!!!

    If you are holding on to past hurts and pains …….

    LET IT GO!!!

    If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your

    LET IT GO!!!

    If someone has angered you.

    LET IT GO!!!

    If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge…..

    LET IT GO!!!

    If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction… ..

    LET IT GO!!!

    If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or

    LET IT GO!!!

    If you! u have a bad attitude…. …

    LET IT GO!!!

    If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better……

    LET IT GO!!!

    If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level
    in Him………

    LET IT GO!!!

    If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. ….

    LET IT GO!!!

    If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help
    themselves.. ….

    LET IT GO!!!

    If you’re feeling depressed and stressed ………….

    LET IT GO!!!

    If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling
    yourself and God is saying ‘take your hands off of it,’ then you need

    LET IT GO!!!

    ‘The Battle is the Lord’s!’

  11. January 6, 2010 5:05 am

    Came over from Lori’s blog to say hello…then read this post of yours! WOW! I sooo needed this! I have really struggled the last several months with a best friend situation. All the sudden one day she decided that she didn’t want to be a part of the church…thought bible studies were “conforming to the ways of the world” and pretty much said that she didn’t want any part of organized “church” and would be “home” churching her kids now. I was devastated…and I didn’t know how to handle it at all. As a minister’s family…it’s your life…it’s your passion and you need those close to you to hold you up and encourage you in what God has called you too. We still talk now and then…but nothing like it was. I am so sad about it…but I feel God saying let it go. Anyway…thanks for your words on friendship…:)
    Steph T.

  12. January 6, 2010 8:15 am

    I lied.

  13. January 6, 2010 1:47 pm

    mmhmmm… you’re alright. sorta.

  14. January 7, 2010 5:39 pm

    read your post on leading and loving it…so great…you were incredibly genuine.
    I also enjoyed reading your post on friendships. good stuff.

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