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begin again.

January 10, 2010

when i first started blogging i had no real direction in mind. i just…did it. i told a few funny stories. mentioned my kids some. people started coming around, leaving comments, asking questions. it was so different than anything i had ever experienced. but, friendships happened. more stories began being told. admissions, confessions, revelations, highs, lows, faith and fears.

theres something about the written word that emits something from deeper within. and not the way brent “emits” stuff 😕 but theres an authenticity. a realness. a definite vulnerability.

before long, i started sharing on the blog my book writing attempt. that was a long time ago. and, yes, im still in the process. the more i have shared, the more opportunities have come for me to minister to women and men of the impacts abortion can have on lives.

it also has afforded me some amazing connections with writers, authors and speakers. a few that have given me invaluable advice and wisdom.

i sit here now wondering where all this has gotten me. i have so many different ideas, directions and advice rolling around in my head that i have no idea which way to go anymore.

its almost frustrating. its like having $1,000.00 to spend on clothes, 30 minutes to do it in and the mall closed 8 minutes ago.

raaaa’andom.

anyhoo…i said a while back i would periodically leave updates here on my process. well…im writing. but without direction. again. i think ive allowed my mind to become so inundated with so many ideas that ive forgotten what im supposed to be doing.

just…writing.

one month i feel i should write about this part of my life. the next i feel i should scrap that and write about the other. then im wondering how im going to connect all the pieces together. do i tell this story? or this story? what about this part and transition?

i was told by a friend that i have more than one book in me.

perhaps thats true.

but tonight i realized… its not as much about the story as it is the journey.

my story is intense, i wont deny that. but the beauty is in the journey.

so…i think im at the scrapping table. hopefully one last time. and im doing this knowing full well i may never get published. and when i feel i am done with this writing journey and there is no hope of a book deal…i will put it out here for all to read. that was my promise long ago.

as always, i treasure and covet your prayers over this. some of you have been with me from the very beginning…thank you. and i am not saying i dont want advice or suggestions. im just admitting that i lost the vision of the journey.

my own hand needs to grab that pen again.

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21 Comments leave one →
  1. January 10, 2010 10:24 pm

    I’d suggest you write it all down. Every single word of it, in all of its confusing glory. Don’t worry about direction. If your mind has a whim to write the scene, you write it. If suddenly you think of another scene, write that too—but don’t delete anything. Not yet.

    When you’ve written everything you can think of to write, then you can bother putting it into more or less correct order. Then you can start cutting scenes, but until you’ve leaked it all out onto the page, you really won’t know what you have.

    This is just my experience from my writing. Pay it no mind if it doesn’t work for you.

  2. January 10, 2010 10:25 pm

    i have been there/here time and time again.
    your vision isn’t lost—it may just be changing.

    and that’s okay.

    know that i am praying for you as God reveals His vision through your writing.

  3. January 10, 2010 10:26 pm

    You are meant to tell.

    If that is through a book, or through a speaking engagement or through a one on one encounter.

    You are meant to tell.

    I have watched how your story. Your wisdom. Has affected people. Encouraged people. And changed people. You have a gift. A calling. An ability. god will continue to use it. I am confident of that.

    I love you!

  4. January 10, 2010 10:28 pm

    Boy, I know that frustration. So many stories to tell, so many paths that can be walked and you feel sometimes you can’t get to where you need to go.

    I’m not sure I agree with you about the journey being beauty ’cause my journey’s been a little less than picturesque. 🙂

    If I could encourage you, I’d just say write whatever you feel led to write at any time. Go with the flow, so to speak. I enjoy your honesty and fun in the tweets & here on the blog.

  5. January 10, 2010 10:55 pm

    you ARE writing. and your writing is changing lives.

  6. January 11, 2010 1:50 am

    I wake up every morning with a “sermon” in mind…..Then life happens, babies cry, kids fight and I never get around to recording or typing. But I know it’s still in me….I just have to find time to find it.
    My prayers are with you and I’ll be here to read, whether you’re rambling or laying an Amazon.com link for me to buy your book!

  7. January 11, 2010 3:09 am

    It will all work out in its strange little way…and on the back end you will see that this too was part of a message in the journey.

    OK, I feel I am going to go waaaaayyyyy to deep this early in the morning.

  8. January 11, 2010 3:43 am

    Joining the prayer team for the journey.

    Question…doesn’t seeing your blog title every day remind you it’s a journey? Always “inprogress”.

    Just sayin’.

  9. January 11, 2010 5:59 am

    I’m not sure there is ever really clear direction in the totality of a piece of writing work. It’s what you have at the time. And yeah, connecting the pieces is difficult at best. We can’t “see” the whole picture, as the writer or as the reader, while in the process of writing or reading, especially something as intense as what you have to write about. It’s a story worth it’s weight in gold. But it’s not the whole of you. Your work is important. All of it. Even in fragmented pieces. Write it down. Lay it out. Put the pieces together that make sense together and let God do the rest. I wouldn’t scrap a thing. Just keep moving forward in what seems to be a blizzard because the path is there. Even when it’s not clear. I’ve been touched by you. You know that. Like you, I have a story to tell. You’re part of the reason I can tell it. I’m still building bridges…one step, or word, at a time.

  10. Heidi permalink
    January 11, 2010 6:44 am

    Your words…. I’ve been changed by your words.

    If they find themeselves in a book with a spine someday, I’ll be the first in line for an autograph.

    But if they are not… that’s simply okay…

    I’ll stay here awhile and wait…

    there’s life here.

  11. January 11, 2010 8:10 am

    I’ll pray. 🙂 And I love how you share this journey with us.

  12. bahava permalink
    January 11, 2010 8:51 am

    praying for you and thanks for the reminder that I need to pick up my own pen!

  13. Jim2 permalink
    January 11, 2010 12:17 pm

    Tam,
    Like the others, I’d like to encourage you to continue what you are doing – your blog is a shining light and a connection point for many.
    Don’t stop writing – all that other junk is what editors are for, but only YOU can write your story!

  14. January 11, 2010 1:19 pm

    Hi.

  15. January 11, 2010 2:56 pm

    I just found this place, so it’s a beginning of sorts for me here. That being said, you’re not alone.

  16. January 11, 2010 4:50 pm

    My guess is for a book it would be best to try and write something down every day. With my blog it can be hard to get started, I don’t post everyday, but then sometimes the words just flow.

    You are a very articulate writer. Yours is a very inspiring story of overcoming.

  17. January 11, 2010 5:11 pm

    I think you know I’ve been praying for you regarding this already. I know you have that book in you, and I think it’s going to really minister to people’s lives.

    I began trying to write too…though it feels silly to be doing that at 25.

    But I realise that of all the stuff I blogged about my journey into abortion, healing from abortion and coming to work in a pregnancy crisis centre in the city where it all happened – that’s had the greatest response of anything I’ve ever written. It was TOUGH to write. And it was just 14 blog posts. So many of them I wrote, edited, some I scrapped and re-wrote.

    But I have faith that one day I’m going to be reading that book that you’ve written Tam. I just know it.

  18. January 11, 2010 6:30 pm

    Keep writing! Don’t stress it… enjoy this part of the journey too.

    Praying for you… and also just wanted to say “hi”

  19. January 11, 2010 7:08 pm

    Isn’t amazing what “power” words can have! It fascinates me to no end when 2 people have the same thought, but when explaining it, through speaking or writing, it comes out as 2 very different thoughts. I guess, in a way, we are all pitching a story about this experience or that one. I know when sharing in a 12 step meeting, my thoughts sound so “smart” in my brain, and come out my mouth sounding like I have marbles in my mouth!! Then every so often someone will come up to me after a meeting and tell me how much what I said meant to them. So I keep walking forward. I keep working steps. I keep sharing my experience, strength, & hope so that others may find the gift of recovery. I don’t journal enough. I hate writing! I hate thinking that all I have are random thoughts sometimes. Not always organized. And that’s a problem, because I want it to be “perfect”. I’m learning to be ok with the fact that it wasn’t perfect when I was in active addiction and I’m certainly not now!

    Keep doing what God & your heart tell you. And maybe Brent! We are all just a “work in progress” anyway!

  20. January 12, 2010 10:00 am

    I’m excited to see your full story and confident you’ll get published. But on the off chance you don’t, here’s an awesome back-up plan. 🙂

    http://www.westbowpress.com/

    I don’t know a whole lot about writing, but it’s not an easy task; that I have learned. Keep it up, I’ll be praying for you.

  21. January 26, 2010 3:34 pm

    just yesterday i labored through writing a blog post. i literally spent hours on 400 words. and at the end of it all, i’m not even sure i’ll ever hit “publish”. i don’t know if this one will ever go live.

    i get frustrated that the words don’t come easier. that it’s such a struggle at times to articulate myself. but i also value the wrestling my heart does in the process. as i labor over the words, my heart is really laboring to understand what she’s really feeling. expressing it is secondary to unveiling it to myself.

    write on, friend.

    your story (and all the many stories that it’s made up by) is so worth telling.

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