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one is too many

January 24, 2010

i stood in the kitchen watching my daughter, kass, paint a beautiful design on a canvas she had received for christmas. so content. so carefree. expressing herself through art, freely in the safety of her home.

she walked toward me on her way to rinse out some brushes…she looked at me and smiled. thats when it hit me. kass will be 16 in a couple months.

i was already on my own at that age. i had my first abortion at 16.

i shared that thought with her right then. her eyes got big, she took a deep breath. i asked her, “can you imagine being on your own and alone in an abortion clinic?” for the first time she really understood what it may have been like for me. it became a bit more real for her.

to imagine my daughter in my shoes then just broke my heart.

but, sadly, it is a reality for many young women today. too many. one is too many.

this week my blog will be focused much on this topic. but know that that doesnt exclude anyone. abortion effects more than most realize. it reaches far beyond a dreadful and agonizing medical procedure.

abortion reaches into your deepest thoughts. the very center of your heart. your core. your spirit. and although a young woman may appear stoic in her decision, like i appeared, its a cover. i know first hand there is a slow death taking place on the inside…in more ways than one. it is a heavy burden to bear.

i’ll be talking this week about what the doctors dont tell you.

you’ll be seeing pictures.

you’ll learn of ways you can help a young woman in crisis. anyone can help.

you’ll be hearing from my daughter too.

Likelihood of abortion:
An estimated 43% of all women will have at least 1 abortion by the time they are 45 years old. 47% of all abortions are performed on women who have had at least one previous abortion.

(statistic from AbortionNo)

42 Comments leave one →
  1. Nicole Wick permalink
    January 24, 2010 11:09 pm

    Love that you’re doing this. Love you.

  2. January 24, 2010 11:17 pm

    proud of you.
    support you.
    love you.

  3. January 24, 2010 11:26 pm

    thanks for being willing to share your story and your heart.

  4. January 24, 2010 11:26 pm

    i love how brave you are. LOVE you and i’m praying for you this whole week!

    you’re amazing, my dear friend.

  5. January 25, 2010 12:14 am

    such an important topic. I’m glad you will be writing about it, and what an incredible, brave thing to do after sharing your past experience and your heart!!! Ur amazing!

  6. January 25, 2010 12:16 am

    May God bless your bold transparency on such a sensitive subject. So many long to hear the truth by another’s experience.

    • January 25, 2010 10:27 am

      thank you, franchesca… im seeing more and more that very few women whove actually had abortions share about their experience. we seem to hear a lot about it from the providers or activist groups, but not from the women themselves. hoping thatll change some day…

  7. January 25, 2010 1:56 am

    Wow, you have my attention. With those stats, that means there is a strong possibility that one of my daughters may have an abortion…….you have my attention. Thanks for doing this, Tam.

    • January 25, 2010 10:28 am

      what a sobering thought. all i can say bryan is you have a greater influence on those girls than you might realize. and they are very blessed to have you!

  8. January 25, 2010 2:06 am

    Thank you for being so transparent. Love you woman.

  9. January 25, 2010 2:22 am

    so very proud of you for sharing this part of yourself and your story.

    love and love and love…


  10. January 25, 2010 3:52 am

    I am moved by your story. Can’t wait to read more. You have an important message many women, moms and girls need to hear. I said a prayer for you today.

  11. JeniferEyler permalink
    January 25, 2010 4:04 am

    I was 15 for my first and 18 for my second. I lived the more than 10 years of my life convinced I was going to to hell because my sins were so awful I could never be forgiven.

    They were awful; but God is bigger than them and Jesus died to save ME.

    Took a long time for me to understand & accept that. Now that I get it, I live everyday amazed by it. And my heart BREAKS for those who are walking through this today.

    I have Struggled with how much of my story to share with my children (15, 14 & 8). So I look foward to hearing your posts!

    Lots of love to you!


    • January 25, 2010 10:34 am

      i can so relate to what you have written here, jenifer. i struggled for years with when the best time to tell my daughter would be. its an important decision and only you know when that right time is. but i do think it is important.

      i am so glad to read that you “get it” now. ive not met many women whove had abortions that have gotten to that place yet. youre armed with a lot of influence and information now…

  12. January 25, 2010 4:46 am

    I have played a part in two abortions as well and actually paid for one of them. I have also lived most of my adult life wondering if I would suffer God’s wrath for not doing more to stop them.
    I have had this stuff shoved so far back in my mind, I’m not even sure my wife is aware of one of them. Gonna correct that this evening.
    Thanks for sharing Tam.

    • January 25, 2010 10:34 am

      praying for you, toby…

      • January 25, 2010 2:38 pm

        Thank you Tam!!
        I just wanted to clarify my point and strengthen yours in that I “spent” most of my life waiting for God’s wrath. I do not still await His wrath as my sins have been covered by His blood. Tears come to my eyes thinking of how God sacrificed His Son so that I could deny the life of a son or a daughter. Hard to grasp, but I have faith it is done.

    • pokinatcha permalink
      January 25, 2010 2:39 pm

      our church is starting a small group study on dealing with abortion and Toby our Pastor spoke on it a week ago and was amazed by how many men came up with him and shared about being apart of abortion. So much so that he is going to do something with the guys to deal with it.

      • January 25, 2010 2:52 pm

        that is fantastic!!! i think many would be shocked to learn how many men are burdened by this decision as well. hats off to your pastor!

  13. January 25, 2010 8:37 am

    My school used to put white crosses out on the front yard, each cross representing something like twenty abortions. There were probably close to two hundred out there.

    I always hated it, though. A palatable expression of staunch disapproval without love: “hey. These crosses represent what YOU did. We know. And we don’t approve.”

    My school stopped finally roughly three years ago. Glad they figured out it was stupid to simply point out it’s a mistake to have an abortion instead of trying to help them in spite of their mistake.

    I’m interested in hearing more about your journey. Thank you for sharing so honestly.

    • January 25, 2010 10:39 am

      wow, thats weird. its like using the cross to instill guilt and shame. the total opposite of what the cross represents. im sure happy theyre not doing that anymore!

      • January 26, 2010 11:42 pm

        I could have seen my school doing something like that, sadly. Fear seems to be a more powerful tool to some than love.

  14. January 25, 2010 9:43 am

    I’m not one of the statistics. My mother scared me so much with her words, that I’m surprised I wasn’t! My fear of her molded me into a person with a “hands off” shell. I was a virgin until I was 28. Then I got pregnant. While single. I never thought twice about it. I was keeping this child. Thankfully, her dad is my husband of 24 years! I have been blessed. I sometimes question my sin of sex before marriage and all that. I am so glad that Jesus died for all my sins, but, like Toby, I am still waiting for God’s wrath!! Why is that!?

    • January 25, 2010 10:42 am

      i dont know exactly why we wait for Gods wrath. when it comes to sin, giving your lives to God and transforming your thoughts and actions there is no place in the bible that suggests His wrath still awaits us. so i suppose that feeling comes from our own guilt and shame. perhaps a lack of faith that God is being truthful in His word, His promises. but i do believe that fear in us is more about ourselves and our own baggage than it is God.

  15. January 25, 2010 10:12 am

    I am moved to share this, God’s wrath is only reserved for those who reject the son. Those who believe are saved from His wrath. John 3:36 reads “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath is upon him.” If you believe in God’s son His wrath is no longer upon you, so there is no need to fear it, for any reason.

    Once we believe our relationship with the Lord is effected by sin, but we will not see wrath. He has given us grace and mercy sufficient for all of our sins, every one. Repentance for the believer now comes with restoration of intimacy, not removal of wrath, for wrath was removed when we first believed. So believers ought to never fear God’s wrath!

    • January 25, 2010 10:43 am

      kelly, thank you. i had just replied to the above commenter before i had read your comment. you said it perfectly…thank you for sharing this!

      • January 25, 2010 2:29 pm

        It’s amusing to me how small my world continues to be. God is so good! Because of God’s blessings, Toby, Kelly, and I have been internet friends for a little over a year!! It’s amazing to me how, because of the internet, we can support each other. Through anything. Past, today, or tomorrow. That guilt & shame can be unpredictable. Most days I feel so blessed, but there are still those days when I feel I let God down. The loudest voice in my head tells me that is NOT the case, but it’s the committee in my head that slips those negative notions across the boardroom table.

        I am truly blessed by everyone I have “met” through the wonder of blogging. 6 months ago I couldn’t imagine leaving Texas for Central WA, but God had other plans. Now if I could just find Medford & W Wendover……

        Thanks, ladies (and Toby), you have been a blessing in my day.

        • January 25, 2010 2:39 pm

          Shellie, your encouragement and support does not go unnoticed! I appreciate you!

  16. Heidi permalink
    January 25, 2010 11:05 am

    I so believe in this week WITH you… That my daughter Col and my son Elij and I are reading them together… It’s truth that needs to be said.

    I love you very much…. Praying for you deeply.

  17. January 25, 2010 12:45 pm

    love your authenticity! your courage will change other people’s lives!

  18. January 25, 2010 12:46 pm

    I’m looking forward to what you have to say.

  19. January 25, 2010 2:21 pm

    I found your website randomly and will be tuning in…I didn’t cry until I read the statistic of 43%….which from what I’ve read is quite possibly higher than the number of women who miscarry involuntarily, which is what happened to me. Losing a baby can rip your heart out, I can’t imagine the pain of making the decision to abort and then having to live with both the loss and the guilt. Thank you for sharing your story.

  20. January 25, 2010 2:59 pm

    tam, i can’t WAIT to read more of your posts on this topic.
    when i was 17, i realized that it was the same age that my mother had her first child, my older brother.

    that woke me up.

  21. pokinatcha permalink
    January 25, 2010 3:13 pm

    I’m part of that statistic. In fact, I’m ashamed to stay I fall into a lot of statistics.

  22. Ingrid permalink
    January 25, 2010 4:48 pm

    Thanks (ahead of time) for sharing your story. It is one that needs to be told. You’re one brave lady. Praying for you as you share this week.

  23. January 25, 2010 6:11 pm

    Wow, Tam. Simply going to love watching you minister.

  24. Mandy permalink
    January 25, 2010 6:37 pm

    I’m sitting here watching my 3 gorgeous girls & I’m bawling. Between my hubs & I we would have 8 kids right now & would love every minute of it.

    I had no idea that the choices I made would consume me like they do. My heart breaks for girls like me who didn’t know anything more than fear & disappointment.

  25. January 25, 2010 7:32 pm

    God surely doesn’t waste our pain. I just finished reading “The Sweet By and By’ which was co-written by Sara Evans and Rachel Hauck. As I read that novel, I was struck by just how much some 16 year old girls actually face, and often alone.

    Thanks for sharing your journey. God is being glorified and ministering to others.

  26. January 26, 2010 8:02 pm

    I wanted to make sure I had time to come visit your posts before I came to comment. I love the compassionate heart you have for people. I think you pour so much of your heart into all this. Its admirable Tam. Okay, I am off to look at the next post before I say more:) walking…walking…


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