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im not sorry

January 26, 2010

in my research for this week of abortion posts i ran across a very disturbing site. not graphic. not rude. but a site dedicated to women who are pro-choice who’ve had abortions and can tell their stories of why it was a good choice for them.

i read several stories. time after time all i saw in their words were excuses…

i chose to abort because i already have children. i thought the pill that i was no longer taking was still active in my body. im not sure who the father is. i cant afford this child. i want my career first.

admittedly, i gave many of the same excuses. but excuses and reasons are two different things. the only real reason why i had my abortions is because i was an irresponsible person. i didnt plan. i didnt close my legs. i didnt respect myself enough. i had no reverence for life…besides my own.

these things, i can share now. these things…i knew then – but would never admit to them.

immaturity.

pride.

selfishness.

truth hurts. but it can be so freeing. i lied to myself for years because it made me feel better. but just for a brief moment. i see that happening in the words of these women who share their abortion success stories.

here is an excerpt from one of the ladies on this site i found. it seems she is convincing herself that using a less invasive procedure (a series of pills) to get rid of “it” somehow makes it less inhumane.

“There haven’t been too many positive stories about the pill. It was completely the right choice for me. I had pretty heavy, painful cramping for about an hour, but I took some Aleve and went to sleep and it was fine after that. The bleeding was negligible and I didn’t see “it” come out. It felt like a heavy period. I have light periods anyway and I was only 5 weeks pregnant, so the entire process was pretty seamless. For me, it felt a lot less invasive than having surgery. I didn’t feel like I had had a procedure or an abortion – it felt more natural than that. I think this helped me a bit emotionally. Two weeks later, I’m not pregnant, my breasts are finally not sore, and I feel like I have more control of my life…”

you could read more stories like these if you wish. the site is called…

I’m Not Sorry

yes. you read right.

im. not. sorry.

sigh…

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28 Comments leave one →
  1. January 26, 2010 11:31 pm

    sadness.

  2. January 26, 2010 11:37 pm

    My heart feel so heavy for this woman who will someday realize what she wrote.

  3. January 26, 2010 11:54 pm

    heartbreaking =(

  4. January 26, 2010 11:58 pm

    Ya know, I can’t help but think most of these stories are just fluff. Fluff to ease the internal agony that MUST be going on. Or maybe I just can’t allow myself to believe these stories are true feelings of people.

  5. January 27, 2010 1:53 am

    My heart isn’t that she will realize what she wrote, or that “they” will understand what “we” do – but rather that those who have had to make these crazy hard decisions or have been put in the situations of having to decide one way or another; to be backed into a corner; to feel that there is not other choice; or even because it was a “good choice for them”, I pray hope and healing. Over all of them. That they know it. Know HOPE and know HEALING the way I have in so many dark places in my life where I would have never once thought possible. Dang…my heart is broken for these girls. For their families. For all involved.

  6. January 27, 2010 1:55 am

    that is one site I will NOT be going to…. very disturbing indeed!

  7. January 27, 2010 4:07 am

    Yeah I agree with Mo…. I don’t think I can go to that website. At least not yet. God help them… and us…

  8. January 27, 2010 6:12 am

    Detachment and denial are the most common weapons of choice when we’re faced with trauma.

    “I’m not sorry” reminds my of Lady Macbeth. “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

  9. January 27, 2010 7:17 am

    How very sad.

  10. January 27, 2010 7:24 am

    wow…
    i listened to a radio broadcast the other day of a woman who was once a director of an abortion clinic and who now speaks out against it.

    she said something interesting. that every time someone speaks of having an abortion, she will say “well, i’m doing it because…” or “the reason is…”. she pointed out that the need to justify an action shows that there is something that isn’t all right. it shows that there is a (conscious or unconscious) need to make an excuse. to justify that action.

    i feel for these women. i do. especially after reading some of these stories. several times, i was just gripped by their words. there was so much more than just black letters on a white screen. and i’m so thankful that my mother chose life. chose ME.

  11. TheNorEaster permalink
    January 27, 2010 7:30 am

    Ric: That was actually Queen Gertrude in Hamlet. An apt analogy, though, since The Prince of Denmark had intended his that play within the play to expose his mother’s sin. The truth was, in a manner of speaking, right in front of her and yet she still could not see precisely what it was she had done. Though, perhaps, Hamlet was far too vindictive and maybe even too creative in trying to convict someone else of murder. Because of that, his own life ended in tragedy, in much the same way we can lose sight of God’s great love in our own efforts to seek justice, simply because our sinful nature, like Hamlet, is very adept at twisting our hunger and thirst for righteousness–and the justice that only God can give but yet we still seek–into a most dangerous vengeance.

  12. January 27, 2010 8:07 am

    your openness is inspiring.
    i don’t have a story like yours.
    but i do have a story.
    and i figured now was as good a time as any to share it.

    thanks for being ‘transparent’. and for showing me what it’s like to live my own life that way.

    http://wp.me/pJ1ua-W

  13. January 27, 2010 9:09 am

    Tam, thanks for blogging about this.
    Its a hard story to tell, its a hard story to hear.
    It’s a hard, hard story to finally realize, acknowledge, then cry out, confess, and mourn what one has done to …life, their childs life and to God, who created that life. Or in my case, 4 lives.
    The pictures you posted were very hard to see and even now I still try to stuff what I have done deep down inside.
    I know God has forgiven me and I somewhat feel forgiven, but really knowing the depth and width of that horrible crime I committed against my children and my God convicts me everyday.
    One day, my friend, we will be standing before the King and weep knowing the fullness of His love and forgiveness. Until that day, press on. Be Blessed, my brave sister.

  14. January 27, 2010 9:11 am

    I feel for these women. I really do…but that site reminds me of a George Carlin routine talking about how we come up with jargon and phrases to squeeze the pain out of life like “shell shock” becoming “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.”

  15. January 27, 2010 9:21 am

    Very heartbreaking

  16. lisa permalink
    January 27, 2010 9:47 am

    Praying for those women….I really don’t think they realize what they are actually doing and if they do then Lord HELP THEM ! Wonder what will happen in heaven when and if they meet again ? I have two children there waiting for me in heaven not that I terminated by choice but God chose to keep them with him for his own reasons and I can’t wait to see them !

  17. January 27, 2010 12:26 pm

    this breaks me in half.
    there’s no rhyme or reason for it.
    cop-out for not taking responsibility.

  18. January 27, 2010 12:45 pm

    The old immoral is the new moral, and in the same vein, true morality is slowly becoming criminal. I actually just posted this link on my facebook:

    http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2010-01-26-1Ateenpregnancy26_ST_N.htm

    I don’t think about abortion every day, but it’s been on my mind. I don’t believe that all the girls on that site believe what they say in their heart of hearts. Sad.

  19. January 27, 2010 3:40 pm

    What I enjoy must about your blog Tam is your honesty, no matter how painful that may be.

    Like you I am opposed to abortion. All human life is scared. A fetus is an unborn child, and has the same value, and rights, as any other child, including protection by the laws of our society.

    One way we try to excuse taking a life is by calling it something other than human. We do this in war, as well as with abortions.

    Abortion is a part of the natural process of reproduction. With a miscarriage a women’s body is rejecting the embryo/fetus. Something like 60-80% of all fertilized eggs (zygotes) do not implant themselves into the lining of a women’s uterus and are washed away when a women menstruates. Natural selection explains this process. Religious doctrine(?) says that all fertilized eggs have a soul. I don’t know how anyone could say that killing 60-80% of all souls is an intelligent design.

    While I don’t believe in the soul of religious faith I do believe that what makes us unique is our human brain, which can understand, and see the value in, the concept of the sacredness of human life.

    We can’t claim to be civilized until we accept the doctrine that all human is sacred, including that of an unborn child.

  20. January 27, 2010 4:23 pm

    Even though I’m 52 & never had an abortion, I also have never given it much thought, pro or con. I guess it’s a form of denial. On an issue that doesn’t deserve denial. You are bringing that out. It’s more than a procedure or swallowing some pills.

    I see so many parallels to addiction. Being so self-absorbed. Being so full of pride. And so full of secrets. A saying in my 12 step program is “you are only as sick as your secrets”. Some of my secrets are still in that dark place. The place of denial. The place were the pain is. The place I ignore rather than free myself of those chains. It’s lonely in that place. Very lonely. And dark. And always there. Just around the corner from guilt & shame.

    Although I don’t see myself marching in a protest, I do see myself changing my thoughts on abortion. It is no longer a non-issue for me. I guess you’ve made it more real. More personal. Although we’ve never met. Your words are powerful. Your pain is real. The love out in the twitterverse is real. The power of prayer is in the twitterverse.

    I said in a 12 step meeting today that I want to be accepted. I want to be loved. I want to make a difference. In my life. In the lives of those around me. Real or virtual. Instead of “why me, God?”, why not, “how can I use this to make a difference in just one person’s life? Today.”

  21. January 27, 2010 6:23 pm

    sad….so sad. Thanks for sharing your heart Tam.

  22. January 27, 2010 6:59 pm

    the one story that caused me to gasp was when one woman said “that wasn’t a baby I aborted, that was an embryo….” GAH! And the woman who said she cupped it in her hands and loved it in that moment….does she not get that she loved what she saw as an EMBRYO? How much more does she think she would have loved HER BABY?

    Those stories are painful…..

  23. JeniferEyler permalink
    January 28, 2010 6:50 am

    I was 15 when I had an abortion and I never put any thought into what I was actually doing. I considered it my ONLY option and
    never put an ounce of thought into any other choice.

    When I realized what I had done; the only way I could deal with it was to insist that it was “not a child”. Otherwise, i would be a murderer and that was NOT a label I wanted to pin on myself.
    I chose to “proudly” display my pro-choice attitude and persona instead.

    When we are wrong, many of us try to justify our actions and excuse them. Most of us can only fool ourselves for a short period of time before we are forced to admit that we have NO excuses, no ” good reasons”, no “loophole” to change the truth. Unless we are very, very good at fooling ourselves….we eventually all admit to the harsh reality: we have taken a life.

    A precious, loved child of God is absent from the Earth because we valued our own life more than that of our own flesh and blood.

    It is my hope and prayer that every woman who has chosen an abortion would have someone beside her teaching her about The magnitude of Gods grace when she opens her eyes to the truth of her actions. I hope every one of them can look back and say ” I sinned. Badly. But God knew I was going to make that choice before he ever made ME….and He made me anyway.”

    I didn’t know Gods grace and mercy. When I realized the truth of my choice; I believed with all my heart and all my mind that I was damned and going to hell. I lived with that for over ten years. I’m amazed I survived.

    Now I wake up every day to the truth and knowledge that God loves ME & I want to reach out to the people who are walking on this Earth feeling condemned and tell them there is MORE!

    I believe your blog posts will touch a lot of those women. So: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! For having the strength, bravery, skill and abilities to share your story this way.

    God is definitly using you and your story to touch and change peoples lives.

  24. Norah permalink
    January 28, 2010 8:58 am

    I just want to thank my birth mother for loving me enough to give me to another mother who loves me as much, rather then taking my life so she would not have to go through the lonelyness and pain of a teen pregnancy in the 1970’s.

  25. Beth permalink
    January 28, 2010 1:48 pm

    How is it fair that they can kill their children and have no remorse and there are people like me who have lost a child to miscarriage and still agonize over it.

  26. February 1, 2010 10:24 am

    gasp. sob. Oh the heartbreak. All His little ones. Mamma and baby alike. How His heart breaks for them …

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