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Seeing Only Crumbs

February 14, 2010

if you all dont read heidis blog then you are missing out on a daily dose of wisdom. i highly recommend you check her out often! ive always admired her writing and her ability to see a good life lesson in everything. and the post below is a perfect example of this…

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I come and sit at my kitchen table, as I do every morning. Wrapping my hands around the warmth of my favorite coffee cup I look wearily at the crumbs and spills trailed across the table. The worship of the moment before begins to fade as I feel a well-known irritation start to creep into my consciousness.

Suddenly I am hit with a pang of awareness and remorse at the grumbling I engage in each day.

Everyday.

How can I sit at this table each morning and see the crumbs waiting to be cleaned, and not the four other seats that will, later that day, be filled by people I love? People (my husband, my children) I prayed for long before we ever met.

Each of them an answer to a past prayer on my heart.

How can I walk into this kitchen and grumble?

How is it I see only the splotchy paint and dirty cabinets and not notice that everywhere, stashed in every nook and corner are fragments of the love my life is full of:

A blender my friend gave me for Christmas even though it was over her budget.

Because I really wanted it.

Pencil Marks on the wall measuring all three of my children in their vast growths.

Milestones were reached at that wall.

A fridge wallpapered with photographs of smiling friends, and children. Beautiful children, I have been blessed enough to love. And artwork drawn by little people with clumsy hands.

Dusty wineglasses that sit in the cupboard reminding me of our first toast on our wedding day.

Dishes waiting to be washed from a meal I never once had to worry would be sufficient to feed my family.

A calendar, overflowing with appointments, lunch dates, meetings, practices and rehearsals, each of them representing, a passion, a need, a desire, a talent of the people who carry my heart in their pockets.

And everywhere I look, greasy grey smudges. A finger here. A palm there. By the entryway door an entire hand has left it’s mark. A tiny hand. One I held so often in my own because it’s too small to walk alone.

And crumbs.

Crumbs from a late night snack my daughter ate with me as we discussed her heart over a friendship, she holds close.

Lord please forgive me for walking into this room.
This sanctum of our family, this shrine to the muddled beauty you have filled our lives with, and

Seeing Only Crumbs.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. February 15, 2010 5:54 am

    I have the same problem …. I see the mess… but I need to see the love that created the mess more… my boys are my treasure – my cubs… Read http://bajanpoet.wordpress.com/2010/01/18/hear-the-lions-roar/ to see how they got that distinction….

    Love this post!

  2. February 15, 2010 5:55 am

    So this shows up in my email on the Blackberry as I lay in bed checking on what’s hit the inbox overnight and changes my whole day. Or, at least, changes my perspective.

    Thanks, Heidi 🙂

    • Heidi permalink
      February 15, 2010 12:43 pm

      Your Welcome Bernard,

      I love when I wrote this that “crumbs” carried over into my ministry, career, and even in my relationships. It’s so so hard to stop at look at the mess and see the beauty within it!!

  3. February 15, 2010 7:48 am

    What a great post and great perspective. I struggle with this often.

  4. February 15, 2010 9:30 am

    Man, do I recognize this. Thanks for the reminder.

    Tam, we really enjoyed spending a few minutes with both you and Brent last week. I’m making a public commitment to lurking less and contributing more.

    Pax.

  5. February 15, 2010 11:38 am

    Wow!

  6. February 15, 2010 2:10 pm

    I never ceased to be amazed how you take the little every day moments and are open enough to hear Him speak to you through them. I find myself opening my eyes more after I read what you have to say.

  7. February 16, 2010 6:41 am

    i’m with gitz – i love your ability to see and hear the Lord in everyday situations and things. thank you for sharing your beautiful, humble, teachable perspective with us, my friend.

    my half-full tendencies cause me to focus more on crumbs than anything else. i’m lifting my eyes today. i need to see more than crumbs.

    (love you FF!)

  8. February 18, 2010 10:56 am

    Beautiful, Heidi.

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