it was bound to happen…

my first real hate message. not that i havent received a negative comment, email or DM. i have received plenty of those. and thats ok. if everybody loved what i said all the time then something would be wrong with what im doing here.

but this negative message was different. it was a peek into the past. the past that is so long gone, but yet so crucial to what i am doing today in my life.

writing a book about your life isnt an easy task. its extremely important that the facts are remembered correctly so that they remain factual. in order to do that, sometimes, you must go back into the past.

fortunately, for me, im fine with doing that. mostly. if im being honest id rather not have to go there. i feel like such a fish out of water when entertaining thoughts and memories from my former life. im so different now that i find it hard to relate to the old tam. im sure that makes sense to some of you.

i was told in this message that my story is a dime a dozen, something about the stupidity of my parents and a couple other angry things…message has been deleted.

but the dime a dozen comment was the only thing that really stuck with me. this ‘friend’ from the past brought up something i have struggled with since i began this book. i think shes right. to a point.

i do not wanta tell my story for the sake of telling my story. i loathe comparison writings. what i mean is…

have you read so and so? her book is riveting.

yah, but have you read this girls? whoa!

our stories arent competition. and thats something i want to avoid at all costs.

my book isnt just about a story…its about an effect. an effect that is never talked about.

if youve had an abortion, or have known someone who has, did you (they) think at that moment while their legs were in stirrups that they might someday have a child of their own? possibly a daughter that they would have to look into the eye of to tell them…it couldve been you.

the consequences of our choices are so far reaching and they will effect our future. theres no way around that. however, most people dont think about that fact at the moment. i certainly didnt. and ive met countless men and women since that can also relate all too well.

my job in this book, my goal, is to confront that issue. im hoping i can communicate in a way that will bring clarity, understanding and freedom…self-permission, to reconcile ourselves to our pasts so that we can confront our present and prepare for our future.

not rocket science. perhaps still a dime a dozen.

but not worthless. not pointless.

and like my amazingly supportive husband said to me…this is a good lesson in what to expect some day. there will be those who throw stones at me for this. its inevitable. but my significance and worth and ability is not dependent on them.

and so i move on….