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He’s not mad at you

April 4, 2010

every weekend at church i am reminded of where ive come from. some days, i sit in total disbelief. i wonder, at times, where id be now had i not turned my life around…had i not walked, no… crawled to God.

we sang a song to close our services this weekend that completely embraced my heart when first hearing it in nashville this february. the very first lines captured me and instantly took me on my lifes journey.

“He’s not mad at you. He’s not disappointed.”

for so many years i didnt believe that. i couldnt believe that. i was such a vile person. i did such cruel things. i was ugly.

you all know about my drug use, my promiscuity, my abortions…all my poor choices. ive hurt people on purpose. ive betrayed people i love.

but we know that God sees so much more in us than we see. and knows far more than we will ever know. He knew there was hope for me because Hope is alive. i just needed to get that truth from my head to my heart. why is that such a long journey.

and truth is…im still ugly. i still fail. i still struggle with the doing the right thing.

and still…God accepts me. i wonder, if we all knew what really goes on on the inside of one other, would we be as accepting.

even if not…God is…

“you can come as you are

all your broken pieces

all your shameful scars

the pain you hold in your heart

bring it all to Jesus

you can come as you are”

listen to the whole song here Come As You Are – Pocket Full Of Rocks

31 Comments leave one →
  1. April 4, 2010 8:44 pm


    you may still fail and you may still struggle… but you ARE BEAUTIFUL.

    you are a new creation and have blessed so many.

    man, i love you… even with all your “ish”.

    • April 4, 2010 8:54 pm

      thanks. im just admitting the ugly truth that i still have unlovely thoughts and motives.

      and in spite of that…it truly blows my mind that God still uses me. that He has chosen to use me at all.

      jenni…look at your journey. would you have ever thought that it would come to the place where it has given others so much hope? even though it was all so ugly.

      its just all so amazing!

      i love you too, ish.

      • April 4, 2010 8:58 pm

        answer to your question: no. and sometimes… i still find myself standing, mouth-opened in disbelief.

        but i guess that’s the beauty of it all. God makes the ugly into pretty.

        … well.. not THOSE “pretties”… but you know. oh… and the “ugly cry” – not sure how God could ever make THAT beautiful either.

        • April 4, 2010 9:16 pm

          All I know is that my life has been made prettier by the two of you. Literally, it has more joy and authenticity and love and acceptance. We all have our ugly places, but the beauty that’s brought to those places is miraculous. I’m so grateful He loves us so much.

  2. April 5, 2010 1:54 am

    That song just crushed me! Love it!
    And yes, I often wonder, if they really knew me, would they accept me. Sadly, I assume most wouldn’t and I’m not sure I will ever grasp the wonder that He does.

    • April 6, 2010 9:44 pm

      hearing them sing this live, sitting there with my own thoughts of life and forgiveness and what it took to be forgiven…the whole atmosphere and environment, the spirit stirring…

      oh my.

      toby, youve been so honest about your life. the old you. the parts you still struggle with. i love that most about you.

      for what its worth….

      • April 6, 2010 9:56 pm

        and that’s “worth” more than you know 😀

  3. April 5, 2010 3:37 am

    You sound like Steve Brown. 🙂

    The world needs a lot more of Steve Brown.

  4. April 5, 2010 6:44 am

    That is one thing I continually struggle with is that before I’d even committed a sin God loved me so much that He sent Jesus to the cross. He knew ahead of time my selfishness, my anger, my bitterness, my freakin lying tongue, the fact that I’d blame Him for something so stupid and tell Him I wanted nothing to do with Him. If He can die for me knowing all that would happen that is love. Me?? I have a dream about my husband pissing me off and wake up angry and don’t talk to him.

    • April 6, 2010 9:41 pm

      i shake my head at the same thought. im lower than dirt, on good days. seriously. and thats with growth. wow 😯 and still…Jesus pleads on my, our, behalf…

      absolutely takes my breath away.

      (and your dream part….sorry, but i chuckled at that.)


  5. April 5, 2010 7:27 am

    That song was an amazing end to a great message! It got me! 🙂 Thanks to you and B and everyone who puts so much into our Easter service… lives change because of it.

    • April 6, 2010 9:39 pm

      i tell you…it was hard singing that as people were walking up, bawling.

      *wink* *wink*

  6. April 5, 2010 8:51 am

    You already know how I love this song! It & “The Worhippers Prayer” are tied for best on the CD. Brody said to start following Michael over a year ago. I did & have fallen in like with he & David (drumrolls). They both respond back to tweets with humor! And prayer. They were both helpful while I was in TX. But, I digress.

    The fact that I can “Come As You Are” anytime and find God there is mind-blowing. I mean, really. ANYTIME. ANYWHERE. ALWAYS & FOREVER. I love being able to shed those shameful scars & make them beautiful. They make me who I am today. Not always a beautiful story to tell, but a beautiful ending to share with others.

    And I can better accept others’ shameful scars. Without pre-judging. Or judging at all. That’s not part of my job description. Compassion. Empathy. Oneness. I am not better than or less than anyone.

    Your setlist was awesome. And you guys really pull me in every week. I hated missing so much while in TX, but Mom paid for the internet with Virgin Mobile. By the MB! So, just little spurts of time was all I did. Thanks for your prayers.

    • April 6, 2010 9:38 pm

      “And I can better accept others’ shameful scars. Without pre-judging. Or judging at all. That’s not part of my job description. Compassion. Empathy. Oneness. I am not better than or less than anyone.”

      great point and truth. when we truly see where we’ve come from and all God has done for us, it is much easier to look on to others with compassion.

  7. April 5, 2010 9:29 am

    I grew up in the church. I followed the rules. I was in love with Jesus from the first moment I heard of Him. I was edified by my family and the church for my entire life. Imagine how scummy I felt the first time I majorly screwed up when I was 21. There had been other times, but they weren’t as bad, as shameful as what I had done. Thank God it wasn’t shouted from the rooftops. But, I knew the truth. And I thought that I was suddenly stained and marred. Covered in this sinful film that I couldn’t clean off.
    Then imagine my relief when I realized that I was already a wretched sinner. Not perfect. But not dirty either. Cause my Savior had removed that sinful film and covered me in His blood. Always. When He looked at me, He saw “saved by grace.” Others might have been disappointed, but truthfully, I had not become suddenly dirty. I was born dirty. And Jesus washed me clean.

  8. April 5, 2010 12:20 pm

    mmm, I love you.

    in other news…. Dylan just saw that jacked up picture of Brent up there and said “that guy looks like a weirdo!” 😯 Good to know he remembers him since last summer. 😆

  9. April 5, 2010 7:45 pm

    so good.
    i need to read this and re-read it.

    i’m still working on settling this into my brain permanently. that he is not disappointed. that, thanks to the cross, he is not mad at me, and wants me just as i am.

    • April 6, 2010 9:32 pm

      reminds me of this song….

      Just as I am, without one plea,
      But that Thy blood was shed for me,
      And that Thou bidst me come to Thee,
      O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

      Just as I am, and waiting not
      To rid my soul of one dark blot,
      To Thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,
      O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

      Just as I am, though tossed about
      With many a conflict, many a doubt,
      Fightings and fears within, without,
      O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

      Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
      Sight, riches, healing of the mind,
      Yea, all I need in Thee to find,
      O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

      Just as I am, Thou wilt receive,
      Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
      Because Thy promise I believe,
      O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

      Just as I am, Thy love unknown
      Hath broken every barrier down;
      Now, to be Thine, yea, Thine alone,
      O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

  10. Heidi permalink
    April 5, 2010 8:11 pm

    “and still…God accepts me. i wonder, if we all knew what really goes on on the inside of one other, would we be as accepting.

    even if not…God is…”

    A very powerful message, that I have re-read a prayed over ALL day. I didn’t want to even comment, but God just spoke such intensity in these words.

    I just wanted to thank you….

  11. April 6, 2010 6:28 am

    I know it’s not true but I still find myself believing that God is mad at me. That the bad twists of “fate” that seem to keep hitting my family and I are because God is angry that I still sin. I know..I know…it’s not true. I can’t seem to shake it. I’m sure God’s angry about that too.

    • April 6, 2010 9:34 pm

      i know that you know the truth…in your head. and just like the confession post after this…what we all need to do is get it from our head to our hearts.

      you know God isnt mad at you. if He was, then the Cross was pointless.

  12. April 6, 2010 8:02 am

    Boy how I needed to hear this song this morning .

    • April 6, 2010 9:35 pm

      im so glad this was good for you today.

      i find myself singing it in my mind all through the day. it is so comforting.

  13. April 6, 2010 9:42 am

    this is so beautiful and honest… such a good reminder. there is a sermon series i have heard that is so powerful called “unpunishable” by Danny Silk… it talks to this… the amazing love God has for us… how He isn’t mad at us… its incomprehensible if i really sit down and take time to think about it.

    wow… the height and depth of God’s love for us…

    • April 6, 2010 9:36 pm

      it is something i, also, cannot wrap my head around.

      and i like i just mentioned to jason, above, if God were mad at us – then the Cross was pointless.

      i think a pointless cross would be harder for me to bear than God being angry with me.

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