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another confession…

April 12, 2010

i was beginning to comment on the existence post and i started to write this…

“one thing i can not say in all honesty is that i live solely for God.

this i know, but have never spoken.

id be lying if i claimed this tho. i dont live only for Him. and i cant even say i always want to.”

im not necessarily proud of this, but its true.

i dont wake up every morning with God first on my mind. some mornings i do. most mornings i do. but not all.

when i see a person in need, or what i perceive to be “in need”, i dont always have the best first intentions or thoughts.

i dont always pay attention in church.

i am not always focused when im singing on team, leading others in worship.

i dont consistently pray for my family. oh (tears are streaming) that was not easy to write and confess.

in all of this…i think i would be doing more of a disservice, and insulting God, if i said otherwise.

this, my friends, is simply a challenge for myself.

i need to live with intention. with the right intention.

im working toward that.

i am, after all, In Progress.

what say you… can you honestly say God is at the forefront of your mind?

39 Comments leave one →
  1. April 12, 2010 8:20 pm


  2. Randi permalink
    April 12, 2010 8:27 pm


  3. April 12, 2010 8:27 pm


    … but He’s in the backfront?

  4. April 12, 2010 8:28 pm

    Weeelllll, if I were to give my thought life a percentage on “God thoughts” I’d say I’m about a um, 85%-90%.

    I’m not super Christian, but I’ve learned to filter most things thru him. HOWEVER!!! I can pert near OCD on stuff like, oh IMPORTANT GODLY stuff, like, um paint color, how to arrange the room, hair color, how to get my next car… you know, important Godly stuff. 🙂

    But, in all seriousness, Tam, your thoughts, though not always laser focused on God are still none the less heard and known by the Spirit. He lives in you. You are inseparable. Be encouraged that what you think and when you think are known by Him, and even if you aren’t “feelin'” it all the time, you are most certainly knowing Him too.

    Deep thoughts. 🙂

  5. April 12, 2010 8:28 pm

    Not at all… crap.

  6. April 12, 2010 8:30 pm

    why was mine so long?

  7. April 12, 2010 8:32 pm

    God is in everything right? So, if my first thought of the day is on waffles… that counts?

  8. Pam permalink
    April 12, 2010 8:35 pm

    I know my intent, but you’ve captured it, right to the heart of where I am many days. All be it, short of where God wants me to be. Thanks for confessing. I join you.

  9. April 12, 2010 9:06 pm

    Since we are being honest here… No. I wish I could say yes to that question but I’d be lying to myself…. But the amazing thing is that God still loves me!

  10. April 12, 2010 9:55 pm

    Hi Tam,
    Let me say, I am a terrible person. I am sarcastic, ADHD, self serving, lustful, worldly, materialistic, and selfish. And those are my finer qualities. I have done things in my life that would make anyone cringe, and will never, ever deserve salvation. EVER! (had to say it again).

    That said, because I am ADHD (i really am) I lose focus, don’t finish what I start and have a very hard time being consistant. I am a people pleaser too, which keeps me frustrated constantly. But……

    Realizing I am never going to be worthy, God’s Grace is sufficient for me, and YOU, and all of us who are Christ followers. You don’t have to wake with Him on your mind. Everyone’s walk is different, and the Spirit works differently in all of us. You are gifted in many ways others are not, and others have gifts you do not, but we all meet in the middle under His Grace. Sorry to be long winded.
    God Bless

  11. April 12, 2010 10:45 pm

    Yes. Absolutely. No problem.

    For about five minutes. Then it all goes pear-shaped.

  12. April 12, 2010 11:27 pm

    No and I think it’s even more difficult for those of us who are expected to “work” AND “worship” every Sunday. The “business” of God is in the forefront of our minds so much throughout the week, in preparation for Sunday that I think we sometimes think we need a break from Him. That’s obviously not the case, but I struggle with it every week and find myself asking Him…”hey, haven’t we had enough time already???” While uncomfortable for me, I’m pretty sure that’s God’s way of getting more of my attention…..and yet it’s still not enough. I constantly tell myself that I don’t recall reading in the Bible where Jesus hung there saying, “wow, I think I’ve had enough of them already.”
    As usual, you got me thinking…..thanks for that!

  13. April 13, 2010 12:59 am

    for a season, he was always in the front, not sure how i got to where i am today, and i do miss it, working on this, also a work inprogress…

  14. TheNorEaster permalink
    April 13, 2010 3:23 am

    Of course not. But I can say that I am seeing humanity’s hunger for Him in ways I never thought possible. That empowers me with compassion, which enables me to see even the most sickenoing cynics as souls starving for a new heaven and a new earth.

  15. April 13, 2010 4:06 am

    only sometimes.
    mostly not nearly enough.
    what a powerful post and challenge….

  16. bahava permalink
    April 13, 2010 4:06 am


  17. Melissa permalink
    April 13, 2010 4:25 am

    I’m right there with you!

    I want god to be my focus always in everything but he isn’t.

    Thank u for this…I wasd raised baptist…and I remember hearing a woman say if you are not on your face before god in prayer every morning then your heart isn’t right.

    I disagree with what that woman said and am encouraged by your post that I am not alone in my journey of living a god-filled god-focused life

  18. April 13, 2010 4:30 am

    No, of course not. I think I catch glimpse him on very rare occasions. I *seek* God frequently but I rarely find him, I spend little time with him once I make it to that place, and I surrender to him even less.

  19. April 13, 2010 5:32 am

    I’d be lying like a yeller dog if I claimed to ever have God truly first. Most of the time when I’m thinking about Him I’m thinking in a selfish manner because I’m much more concerned about ME than I about His glory. Even when I’m praying for Him to use me to glorify Himself.

    Still fighting for it. Failing a lot. Praise God for grace, because without it, I’d be effed.

  20. Heidi permalink
    April 13, 2010 6:49 am


    I read your post last night as I was getting ready for bed and I just devoured the words. When I finally got up. I just started writing a response.

    Jesus is a real God. He deals in real life. He tackles real issues. He desires real relationships with real people who aren’t afraid to tell the truth. He wants nothing more than for us to be real with ourselves, each other, and most of all, with Him. In fact, He can’t have the kind of relationship He wants to have with us until we are.

    So, while I am far from any worldly measured standard of perfection, I am closer to spiritual perfection than I ever have been. With each day that goes by my imperfect body and fleshly, fallible nature is diminishing and I am getting nearer and nearer to the perfection I so crave. (“but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.” I Corinthians 13:10 NKJV)

    But in the meantime, getting real reminds me to see myself through the lens of my precious Heavenly Father, who could not be more real if He were physically sitting in the room with me right now.

    I am a serial sinner, saved by His undeserved grace. I am a fearful, inadequate woman who can be fearless and adequate by His power and through His holiness. I am a mess of a person, but He continually cleans me up. Author Erwin Lutzre once said, “God is a specialist. He is able to work our inadequacies into His plans.” I don’t know about you, but I am certainly counting on it! 🙂

    With this thought in mind, I can be free to be the picture of imperfection and not be afraid to show it to you or see it for myself.

    I need to be imperfect so He can shine His glorious perfections through me for me and the rest of the world to see. People may not love me, but people cannot resist the Jesus in me.

    Boy, does that take the pressure off.

    I love you!

    • April 13, 2010 9:50 am

      “i am a serial sinner” – how awesome is that description!

  21. April 13, 2010 7:05 am


    It is a struggle. Trying to rid myself of me and allow Him for prominence in my life. Thing is I sometimes I like myself more than I claim to love Him.

  22. April 13, 2010 9:06 am

    me too. i struggle too.

    this week… i’ve been more focused, probably out of fear to some extent of surviving the craziness of my series. but not always.

    this morning though… God reminded me of keeping my “whole face” as Lisa-Jo would say, on Him thru some cool scriptures…. eeeeeeeee! i love it when He does that. makes me feel speeeecial 🙂

  23. April 13, 2010 9:18 am

    No. And if I’m being really honest (and I’m trying), I’d say when I am thinking about God, I’m thinking more about what I want from him instead of what I can do for him. I’m working on that…

    I will say this, regardless of where my mind is, there is always a sense of longing in my heart for God. Somewhere in the Bible it says that God sends the Spirit of his Son into our hearts crying “Abba, Father”. I would say that this is what I am experiencing.

    No matter how close or how far away I have been, how much focus or how little focus I have toward God, what is in my heart won’t let me forget. And it always seems to bring me back.

    • April 13, 2010 4:08 pm

      a big Facebook “LIKE” to this. 😉

      We need a “thumbs up” symbol!

  24. April 13, 2010 9:52 am

    i wake up with Him in mind. but as soon as i get my feet on the floor , life just takes over.

    im glad that even if He’s not in the forefront of my mind all the time. i am in the forefront of His. and my Jesus lives to make intercession for me… so i know i’m covered everywhere i go.

  25. April 13, 2010 2:12 pm

    ummmm…no. and to be honest, he is not usually on my mind until later…because life happens. take the dog out, feed the dog, have breakfast, whats on tv, whats for dinner, get ready for work…then im off.

    I got out of the habit of reading my bible and praying in the am…and i know thats what focuses me and gets my perspective right.

    my butt is effectively kicked. thanks.

  26. April 13, 2010 4:07 pm

    Getting through my day is usually at the forefront of my mind… while also wondering if, or how, God will help me through it. I also go through my day wondering if I am doing Him justice as I live my life. So in some ways I could say yes, that I think about Him a lot, talk to Him a lot, wonder a lot about if I’m doing things right in His sight…. but is He the very first thought I have in the morning? the only thought I have every second of every day? No. Sometimes I’m thinking “DANG! This diaper is B-A-D!” or “what did that guy want? a tall white chocolate with sugar free caramel or a short mocha with regular caramel?” or sometimes I’m thinking “how on earth will we get through MOPS next year without a finance leader?” So no, God is not the foremost thought all the time.

    I would answer the same if you asked me that about anyone….
    Is Jake at the forefront of my mind? No.
    Are the boys? Sadly, not always.
    Is my mom who is struggling? Nope.
    My sister who is floundering? Hardly.

    But God, God should always be the very first thought in how I handle and deal with everyone and everything…. while He is a consistent thought throughout my day, He is not the only thing I focus on.

    I think this is a tricky question. We all have times where God is more at the forefront than others, but I don’t necessarily think that Him NOT being at the forefront 24/7 is as awful as it sounds…. I think that the majority of us here go about our lives with the knowledge of Him, the knowledge that the choices we make are to be governed by Him, and try to the best of our ability (I hope!) to live a life worthy of what Christ has done for us. Now of course none of us can come even close to that kind of perfection…. but knowing that it is our desire, because we love God and want to live in a way He commands…I think that counts as having Him “at the forefront” of our minds.

    If you asked me if He was the driving force behind my day, I could absolutely answer yes to that.

    Naturally this is a learning process and you have to be consistently in the word, consistently surrounding yourself with others who will build you up. FOr me, surrounding myself with music that is glorifying and worships God helps immensely (I re-spelled that four times and I still think it’s wrong!) helps my mindset day to day. I do notice when my mind wanders and it’s usually because I have allowed myself to be around something that is not edifying to my spirit.

    None of us can have Him at the forefront of our minds all the time (even though that technically wasn’t your question…you didn’t give a time frame 😉 ) because we are human. We falter. We fall short. But I am so glad that God knows that and doesn’t despise that in me….but shows me ways to build myself up in Him…. so that everyday I do think about Him a little more than the day before. And if I falter, I just turn on some good music. 😉

    Love you. Sorry for the book. ha!

  27. April 14, 2010 12:50 am

    I always try to focus on “more of Him, less of me”, but yeah, everyday I battle and I am eager for the day when it’s “All of Him, None of me….”

  28. April 14, 2010 4:35 pm

    Writing a comment before reading the others because well, I didn’t want to be swayed from saying what is on my heart right now.

    Can anyone REALLY answer yes to this? REALLY?

    I want to. I know it is what we are all after. I know I need to be better. But I am so far from being able to say yes. BUT I’m on the right road. And I am closer than I was yesterday. And isn’t that what matters.

    Also, I wonder if I’d like myself if I could say yes to this. It just seems like it wouldn’t be real. And I want to be REAL much more than I want to be PERFECT, HOLY. Is that wrong? I don’t know. But it’s true.

  29. April 14, 2010 6:20 pm

    i can’t say that…

    but i can say that i was moved by your honesty.
    this is something i’ve been trying to deal with face-on recently.

  30. April 14, 2010 8:03 pm

    So, yeah, Romans 7:14-25 is pretty darn spot on for me too:

    “I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.
    But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
    It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
    I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?
    The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.”

    • April 14, 2010 8:08 pm


      SO glad you put this verse up.

      thank you.

      thank you Lord…sincerely….thank You.

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